tHiNkEr’S rOoM

Calling the Education Ministry is an exercise in frustration. Opening the Yellow Pages to get the necessary numbers should give you the first clue. About 10 of the senior most officials have the very same number.

You’d think that this would be a good sign that you would get a response. This is where you would be wrong. Immediately my call was answered I was immediately consigned to hold without hearing a human voice. A minute later I was disconnected altogether. This charade took place three more times before I gave up.

For hours of entertainment, try calling the Office Of The President. You will run around in circles like a circus beast for hours of endless entertainment!

Oddly enough, the Immigration Ministry is pretty good when it comes to telephone inquiries.

Who’da thunk? Nairoby Police Department Blues on our very own shores

Excerpts
Gangsta: Kwani munanirushia teargas mkiniambia nitoke? Ngoja tu
Cop: Ni yeye!, wee mjinga toka, wacha kutisha sisi fanya haraka

Over the next couple of days a bunch of friends, colleagues in arms and partners in crime are departing our hallowed shores for an assortment of destinations. So to Frida, Ory, Eric, JP and Mash, adieu, Godspeed and adios!

For those North America Bound this is precisely for you

That Aside
I find it ridiculous that the only prisoners being released from Guantanamo Bay are the ones whose countries are well connected such as Britain, Australia etc. This beggars the question — are the Americans trying to tell us that those particular countries cannot produce terrorists?

If I ever make it to heaven, I’ll do it smelling of smoke. I’ll be the absolute last guy before the gate is slammed shut behind me. My flowing robes will be smouldering. But all will be good!

Yesterday while seated in the ubiquitous shuttle, a very smart, very pretty lass made an entrance. I’ve always had an idea what “sight for sore eyes” means, and it was reinforced again. (At this point in time I can freely confess that It took me quite some time to get round to ascertaining that she was pretty because part of her repertoire was an amazingly short skirt that ended almost as soon as it begun). She looked around and came right to the back and sat down next to me.

This I did not mind.

For convenience, let us call her Mo. A few minutes later I was convinced that Mo was not happy with her chosen attire for the day. Why? Because Mo kept squirming and pulling down the bottom of her skirt. This went on for quite a while because a few minutes after pulling down the skirt, some of the physics she took in school came back to her, namely if you lower the bottom of an object by x units, its top correspondingly lowers by x units as well, and she’d pull the top back again.

Five minutes of this seesaw as Mo wrestled with her skirt and I was unable to resist the temptation to churn the waters.

At this point in time I should point out that those who know me well know that I at times employ what someone once (laughably) described as “a wooden like mask of stone” that serves me very well when circumstances are such that I cannot decide whether to to laugh or to be sombre. The net effect is that I look like I have weighty, highly pressing affairs of state on my mind. So I quickly put this on, lowered my Business Week and turned to her.

Mo looked uncomfortably back and pulled her skirt down.

I got rid of the ‘sura ya kazi‘ and flashed my best smile. (I’m further told that the sudden change is extremely unsettling)

Mo looked uncomfortably back and hiked the skirt back up.

Things then proceeded as follows:

Mo: (Still looking decidedly uncomfortable, takes a sudden interest in Business Week) Do you mind?
M: Not at all! (Surrenders magazine)
Mo: (Leafs through magazine, and three or four pages later realizes it’s upside down. Corrects this) It’s got some interesting articles! I thought they only talked about the nitty gritty of business?
M: Oh no! (Enjoying self immensely) Far from it! As a matter of fact, not too long ago they did an article on dressing for success. The role of dress in the modern work ethic (Here, lying outrageously through the teeth)
Mo: Really?
M: Yep. Lovely outfit by the way

Whoever thinks that our Nubian Queens can’t blush, you’d better think again!

Weird Stuff Dept
Some poor dude was jailed becuase he doesn’t user Internet Explorer, Firefox or Opera Will these wars ever end?

It seems that there has been some controversy in the music world on who exactly can use the phrase “back that ass up” that led to court….

New local blogs put of the woodwork:

• Kipchirchir
• Daktari
• My Part Of The World

My favourite fossil, HE Mwai Emilio Kibaki, continues to prove that had Albert Einstein been alive, he would have trembled with fear at the mere mention of the word ‘Kibaki’. Our Commander In Chief Of The Armed Forces is at the forefront of intellectual synergy. Sample this statement from this tower of intelligence:

“President Kibaki yesterday condemned the clashes that have rocked Kenya – and branded those who killed during the fighting as murderers.”

Such intelligence and foresight are amazing indeed! Millions of us mere mortals were hard pressed to know what to call those who killed their fellows. It takes an exceptional man to draw the conclusion that they are murders!

Pic Of The Day

An observable dampness convinces Lands Minister Amos Kimunya that Finance Minister David Mwiraria has been sitting in Internal Security Minister Chris Murungaru’s seat again

I’m beginning to feel that there are some laws in force that actually make no sense in a civilized society that prides itself on its ethic of freedom (of choice). Your freedom ends where mine beings, and as long as you don’t interfere with my own freedom directly or indirectly, why should I bother with yours?

Let’ have some takers!

For those of us who have graduated to books without pictures, I highly recommend Plato’s The Republic if you want to get them brain cells jogging

Karma is …
Saturday: Drinks with amazingly scary, foul mouthed, arrogant Kenyan males with the the IQ of a granite and the charm of a hyena (mnajijua!)
Sunday: Drink with amazingly pretty, intelligent, witty and charming female

I’m beginning to suspect that there’s something in this talk of “afterlife!” Bad things are evened out by the good!

• A VSAT was installed here on Monday, and as i’ve been attending amazingly long meetings out of the office most of the week, i’ve not had much time to take the link through its paces. Until now that is. Am surfing at pretty much obscene speeds
• Agony is setting up a project for 11 years, deploying it on a 7 year journey waiting for aforementioned seven years then realizing some schmuck forgot to switch on the bloody thing
• Judges in Malawi are on strike because they want bigger cars
• My favourite clown, Nairobi Mayor Dick Wathika, was on TV yesterday. Parents who need examples to convince their errant offspring that “there is nothing in life you can’t be, no matter who you are” need look no further than here. The gentleman was asked “Why is it that you always have 14,000 staff each year? Don’t people retire, resign, die, etc?” His war-ship was hard pressed to answer that one!
• Still on the Mayor, a chap in one of our prisons died while serving his term. Of the 7 years he was in jail, he was withdrawing a salary from the City Council!

PIC OF THE DAY

Nairobi Mayor Dick Wathika is given detailed instructions on how to do the Macarena by an unidentified grandmother