Wakulima Market, a large fresh produce market on the periphery of the Central Business District, was closed late last week for a long overdue cleanup. This was the The results of the said cleanup included:

6,000 rats. Yes, that’s six thousand
70+ tons of garbage, 4 feet deep
Hundreds of tons of – ah – human waste. About 40 years worth of dumps, puke and other wholesome 100% natural matter

An old veteran was overhead to express amazement that Wakulima Market was tarmacked. In his 30 years of working there he had yet to see it.

What’s sobering is that Nairobi city by and large gets its fruits and vegetables from this market. It’s a testament of God’s love for his errant children that Nairobi has not suffered a plague, what with all those rats and all that filth.

It is at this juncture that we are reminded of one Justice & Constitutional Affairs Assistant Minister Robinson Githae who raised a storm by suggesting those of us starving to death should partake of tenderly marinated rat with braised potatoes and lettuce, or fried mongoose with a slice of lemon, or broiled monkey leg and sweet corn and other such delicacies, since we were too fussy about what we ate.

He must be gnashing his teeth at the thought of all that wasted rat!, the schmuck!

But the priceless sight was that of our worthy Mayor, Dick Wathika, a living ode to the triumph of ignorance over common sense and intelligence, looking the very picture of industry as he energetically put his team to the task of cleaning the market. He was captured on TV making assurances that cleaning will be done daily.

Yep, and Moody Awori will beat Kenenisa Bekele at the next 10,000m meet.

Bah Humbug!

Next Christmas Ebenezer Scrooge will have nothing on me, I kid you not! I’ve spent money this holiday like a sieve and I have precious little to show for it. Guilt trips will not work for you this year if you gave me ridiculous things like socks and ties and cufflinks and tieclips. I have thousands of these and do not need any more, and I distinctly recall informing you of this last year.

My December salary took a serious beating and I am having great difficulty paying attention! This year I will firmly be in the camp of those who believe in “the thought that counts