Having Cake And Eating It

If I ever make it to heaven, I’ll do it smelling of smoke. I’ll be the absolute last guy before the gate is slammed shut behind me. My flowing robes will be smouldering. But all will be good!

Yesterday while seated in the ubiquitous shuttle, a very smart, very pretty lass made an entrance. I’ve always had an idea what “sight for sore eyes” means, and it was reinforced again. (At this point in time I can freely confess that It took me quite some time to get round to ascertaining that she was pretty because part of her repertoire was an amazingly short skirt that ended almost as soon as it begun). She looked around and came right to the back and sat down next to me.

This I did not mind.

For convenience, let us call her Mo. A few minutes later I was convinced that Mo was not happy with her chosen attire for the day. Why? Because Mo kept squirming and pulling down the bottom of her skirt. This went on for quite a while because a few minutes after pulling down the skirt, some of the physics she took in school came back to her, namely if you lower the bottom of an object by x units, its top correspondingly lowers by x units as well, and she’d pull the top back again.

Five minutes of this seesaw as Mo wrestled with her skirt and I was unable to resist the temptation to churn the waters.

At this point in time I should point out that those who know me well know that I at times employ what someone once (laughably) described as “a wooden like mask of stone” that serves me very well when circumstances are such that I cannot decide whether to to laugh or to be sombre. The net effect is that I look like I have weighty, highly pressing affairs of state on my mind. So I quickly put this on, lowered my Business Week and turned to her.

Mo looked uncomfortably back and pulled her skirt down.

I got rid of the ‘sura ya kazi‘ and flashed my best smile. (I’m further told that the sudden change is extremely unsettling)

Mo looked uncomfortably back and hiked the skirt back up.

Things then proceeded as follows:

Mo: (Still looking decidedly uncomfortable, takes a sudden interest in Business Week) Do you mind?
M: Not at all! (Surrenders magazine)
Mo: (Leafs through magazine, and three or four pages later realizes it’s upside down. Corrects this) It’s got some interesting articles! I thought they only talked about the nitty gritty of business?
M: Oh no! (Enjoying self immensely) Far from it! As a matter of fact, not too long ago they did an article on dressing for success. The role of dress in the modern work ethic (Here, lying outrageously through the teeth)
Mo: Really?
M: Yep. Lovely outfit by the way

Whoever thinks that our Nubian Queens can’t blush, you’d better think again!

Weird Stuff Dept
Some poor dude was jailed becuase he doesn’t user Internet Explorer, Firefox or Opera Will these wars ever end?