Moody: PIMP PIMP!
All: Hoeray!
Moody: PIMP PIMP!
All: Hoeray!
Charity: (Rolling eyes, sotto voice) Oh Please!
Emilio: Thank you Moody, you, as ever, continue to outdo yourself. I must say I like the leather pants with the holes in the back. Very — ah — original.
Moody: (Modestly) One – ah – does one’s best
Emilio: Right, moving along to more serious business, is there any other business from the last meeting?
Kombo: Yes, I recall objecting to some of us brining livestock into the precincts of the house….
Ndwiga: Daisy is my pet! There’s nothing wrong with me brining my pet to work!
Kombo: (Passionately) A cow does not fit the bull as a pet! You’d think a damn sight differently if that stupid bovine took a heavy and considerable dump on your office carpet and another on your desk. If you don’t do something about that cow I will not be responsible if that animal ends up as several burgers.
Ndwiga: (Angrily) You just lay one hand
Emilio: (Interrupting) Gentlemen please! Let’s compromise. (Turns to Ndwiga) Why don’t you tether your animal in your office.
Raila: And get it to shut up! That mooing drives me crazy!
Ndwiga: She’s very sensitive
Emilio: (Hastily) All right then, now that that is settled, what else was there?
Mungatana: Someone keeps parking in my space
Emilio: (Looking in amazement at him) You?! What the hell are you doing here?
Mungatana: (Uncertainly) I thought it was a meeting for the cabinet and assistant ministers?
Emilio: Exactly. Aren’t you a journalist? I’m always seeing that face on TV whichever way I turn!
Mungatana: (Passionately) No sir, I’m not a journalist! I’m an assistant minister
Raila: He’s always hanging around parliament waiting for passing reporters. Nowadays they even run and hide from him!
Emilio: (Breaks into a sweat with the effort of remembering) Aha! Isn’t this the chap who said he made a crocodile give birth to twins?
(Shouts of laughter)
Mungatana: (Hastily) I was misquoted! It was just a figure of speech
Kimunya: That would explain the black eyes and scratches the fellow keeps having! Ha ha!
(Shouts of laughter)
Tett: I caught some of the boys smoking in the men’s toilet. Is this to be tolerated?
Gumo: What on earth were you doing in the men’s toilet? Besides, is it illegal to smoke?
Emilio: Can we still get back to the issues?
Mungatana: Yes, issues.
Emilio: (Irritably) Who the hell are you? Since when did we allow journalists in here? Guards, throw him out!
(Security officers drag him out protesting)
Moody: Playa playa, that brotha was an Assistant Minister!
Emilio: Whose? Anybody? No one? Ah well, no loss then. Moving along to National Issues. Where are we holding the picnic this year?
Kiraitu: Before we get to that let us discuss the contusion.
Raila: The what?
Kiraitu: The contusion
Murungaru: He means the constitution
Emilio: Demmit, then why don’t you just say that! What about it?
Kiraitu: Well, we can’t deliver it by the time we promised. What do we do?
Emilio: Demmit, why don’t you just write the damn thing yourself?
Kiraitu: Because it’s people driven
Emilio: And whose idea was that?
Kiraitu: Ours
Emilio: So let me get this straight, my boy Danny wanted to write it himself and you fellows decided to let the people write it and now you want to go back?
Kiraitu: That’s right.
Emilio: Gumo, give him a knock on the head. I don’t care how you do it, fix it. (Gumo complies) And stop crying to your mama!
Murungaru: (With trembling voice) I was car jacked yesterday!
Kirwa: Yes, yes, we know all about that. You still haven’t told us what documents you were going to collect …
(Door opens and Maitha rushes in sweating)
Kirwa: (Sarcastically) How kind of you to join us! And kindly sit somewhere else! Now I see why they call you hurricane (Wipes face fastidiously with handkerchief)
Maitha: Sorry I’m late. The escalator lost power as I was halfway up.
Balala: I hope you didn’t just stand there!
Maitha: Of course not! What do you take me for? A fool? Of course I didn’t just stand there. I sat down.
(Shouts of laughter)
Emilio: Crikey! No wonder Museveni and Mkapa keep looking at me and laughing to themselves!
Raila: I hope you were able to get your family out the other day
Maitha: Yes thanks
Balala: What happened?
Raila: Apparently his family got locked in the car…
(Shouts of laughter)
Raila: Took him six hours to get them out!
Ochilo: The thing is, it was a convertible!
(Prolonged Shouts of laughter)
Maitha: (Sourly) It could have happened to anyone
Emilio: (Suddenly) Hey, where’s Mwiraria?
Mwiraria: Here sir
Emilio: (Looking around) Where?
Mwiraria: Here
Emilio: (Looking down, under the table) Well! I really think some of us should get higher seats! How goes the budget?
Mwiraria: I read it last week.
Emilio: Oh! Why didn’t anyone tell me?
Kiraitu: Er… you presided over it sir.
Emilio: (Furrowing brow with effort) Oh! That was the thing that took 8 hours
Mwiraria: (Defensively) It was only 3!
Emilio: 3 — 8 — same shape! Now, someone was supposed to table for us some figures on something or the other
Kilimo: That would be me.
Emilio: Well! A new face! Which ministry are you in?
Kilimo: Office Of The Vice President
Emilio: Remind me again what you people do.
Kilimo: Err…. umm …. stuff?
Emilio: Ah yes, that’s it. What do you have for us today?
Kilimo: I’ll just set up the projector (Rises and walks to the front of the room)
Moody (Sotto Voice) I wanna see you rock that thang, rock that thang,
rock that thang, rock that thang,
work your body body, work your body body,
work your body body, work your body body,
change position, change position …
Charity, Tett & Mugo : (Angrily) OBJECTION! Is it in order for him to subject our colleague to such innuendo?

Wakimbizi – Honey