It just occurred to me that I don’t actually know what my rights are, insofar as the law is concerned, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. What’s more, I don’t even know where to begin looking for them.

For instance, if some rough looking fellow appeared at your elbow and said “Police. Come with me!“, would you go along? If you run away you might be collared for resisting arrest or something of the sort. That is if you’re lucky. If you’re not you’ll be shot in the head and the next thing you know your nearest and dearest will be seeing your photo on TV and a police spokesman describing your dearly departed ass as being “…most wanted criminal wanted in connection with a series of carjackings in Nairobi…”

When the aforementioned dude is in plains clothes things are even muddier.

From my observations (and numerous painful experiences) the word of a cop is the law. He can tell you to lick his boots and if you refuse you are automatically charged with one of the following:

• Loitering
• Drunk and disorderly
• Loitering with intent

For that matter, you can be charged with all three and promptly find yourself very arrested in the cramped confines in the back of a Land Rover.

The cops can also with impunity help themselves to anything on your person. In common streaks of generosity they relieve you of the burden of mobile phones, wallets, money, jewellery, etc. Any attempts to secure your property at the station will only earn you additional charges and therefore additional full board accommodation as a guest of the Government.

They can even bang at your gate and demand access to your house. It is only the foolhardy who refuse to let them in. And while they are in, they generally conduct very thorough searches. Anything that is not nailed down or that lacks foundations is tossed to all corners of the compass, and you have no say in the matter. Compensation for your damaged property is a foreign concept.

I’m very sure that there are rules and regulations that govern the operations of the police with regards to arrests, questioning, custody and so forth. The problem is that the public don’t know then and neither do the police. Most behave as if that uniform and rifle are a licence to do as they please, which sets very dangerous precedents and can have very nasty repercussions. I personally harbour deep suspicions as to the quality of training the constables and corporals get. They seem to be principally muscle men of sorts.

Here’s a couple of thoughts:

• Review the training that constables go through and drum the relevant sections of the law into the cadets. They need to realize that they are not all powerful
• Place all the facts as to the rights of citizens with respect to the police in a booklet that can be acquired for free, or for a token fee.
• Place aforementioned booklet in public libraries and schools

On my way back from a meeting I heard on the radio that Kamau Ngotho, the hapless journalist who was interrogated under Security Minister Chris Murungaru’s orders got the last laugh as the AG decided not to prosecute the case, arguing that there were plenty of alternatives for aggrieved parties to follow other than criminal libel. A nolle prosequi, or something to that effect, will be entered. (Anyone who speaks legalese fill us in!)

IRONY PART 1

Entrez

Along Uhuru Highway, just before Nyayo Stadium, is a colossal billboard that goes as follows:

“I urge Kenyans to pay their taxes and set our country free!”

Mwai Kibaki, President of Kenya

Exeunt

However, well connected people like Cooperatives Minister Njeru Ndwiga and Finance Minister David Mwiraria do not seem to have driven down that road! MPs! Not only are their colossal salaries not taxed, but even in cases where they have to they still want to weasel out of it!

IRONY PART II

Entrez

“… Exemptions to duty on land transactions can be granted if if the country will benefit as a whole …”

Exeunt

Cooperatives Minister Njeru Ndwiga says he is entitled because he plans to export produce. It is strange how his venture will benefit the country but those of thousands of other exporters fail to qualify for the same exemptions.

This is why I DEEPLY RESENT being taxed. Why should I sacrifice my hard earned money for some Gadarene Swine to strain the seats of their already expansive trousers still more? One of the most depressing things I have ever seen in my life is my payslip. The difference between my gross pay and net pay for a minute had my head spinning!

PIC OF THE DAY


Finance Minister David Mwiraria wishes the KBL managing director would stop with the talking already and get to the sampling

I’m a fairly easy going kind of chap but one of the few things I cannot stand is to have my intelligence insulted.

The case of one Peter Njeru Ndwiga is such. This schmuck is the Minister for Cooperatives and one of his companies got awarded a tender to supply insurance to Kenya Cooperative Creameries, even when it should have been disqualified on a purely technical and financial basis. And in a show of buffoonish hind licking, KCC is boosting said ministers to the skies by declaring the deal legit, never mind that within a couple of sentences the clowns declare they didn’t know the minister’s connection. Can you spell DUE DILIGENCE? Food for thought — if you never do background checks how are you going to avoid Anglo Leasing type deals?

Did I mention that this came within a couple of days of the same Minister being granted a tax waiver by his buddy the finance Minister? Then the schmuck goes on to say that “…there is no conflict of interest in my transactions…“

Pic Of The Day

But they caught me on the sofa? It wasn’t me!!
They even caught me on camera! It wasn’t me!!

Peter “Shaggy” Ndwiga freestyles for the press

AOB

Blogs can really be put to some — eh– interesting uses, like Mrs. Adamson’s Grade Six Class

Happy birthday Ory!

I’ve been watching with much amusement the fiasco that one Prince Harry has burrowed his ignorant self into. Sky News actually went to his school and interviewed his teachers, one of whom was like:

“Certainly we did World War II history! As a matter of fact we covered the holocaust extensively”

This effectively knocks every last vestige of his already weak defence out of the water.

When I got to the part where he apologized “… if I offended anyone” I stopped listening and tuned into CNN weather. He cannot claim to have been ignorant so I wonder what was running through his mind when he got that uniform. It took considerable effort to find a Nazi uniform, as they are not exactly stocked, so he cannot claim that it was a whim!

Smacks of a boy who fell out of the stupid tree and hit every last branch on his downward descent.

It is just a matter of time before His Highness appears decked out as below:

Prince Harry Arrives For the Martin Luther King Memorial

Blog Watch

Trawling the net has come up with some more local colour representing far and wide: Check out The Shipwright Returns, Things That Go Bump in the night, My..thology

Pro: The Kenya Police have a website http://www.kenyapolice.go.ke/
Con: It was designed by someone extremely graphically challenged. Despite there being no audio, some of the pages can be heard in underground bunkers
Pro: Bottom line: Somebody somewhere is really trying. Kudos to Brigadier Ali and his merry men

However I take exception with some of the things that the police do. For example, why was the Port Manager, one Brown Ondego, flown to Nairobi upon his arrest? I know for a fact if I was arrested my ass would be brought to Nairobi in a wheelbarrow or some other such contraption.

I also wish that the Police were not under the direct control of the Internal Security Minister, at least in an executive capacity. It’s ridiculous to leave half (and quarter) witted ministers, as is amply demonstrated by the current cabinet, the power to order around the Police. It would be nice if they had complete autonomy, for example if Brigadier Ali reported directly to the president, or at least someone with more than a fleeting knowledge of the law like the Attorney General. The control of the Police cannot and should not be political otherwise the police will end up like a political weapon to oppress the people.

Also, Justice & Constitutional Affairs Minister Kiraitu Murungi yet again soiled the names of turncoats and chameleons all over the world when he dismissed Anglo Leasing as the “scandal that never was”

NARC = New Arses, Recycled Crap

PIC OF THE DAY

A certain well known personality struggled with effort to remember: “Am I the President of USA, the President of Kenya or the President of Africa?”

Can you identify yourself in this scenario?

It is 3 AM in the morning. Not a thing is stirring. Not even a mouse.

[BEEP BEEP BEEP] (Place atrocious ringtone here)
M: (Picking up almost instantly, as am light sleeper) Hello?
Ass: (Going off like a overflying jumbo jet) Hiiiiiii !
M: (Holding phone as far away from ear as possible) Yes????
Ass: (Cheerfully in a voice like thunder) It’s me!
M:Who’s me?
Ass: Me, silly! (Donkey like brays of laughter shoot down the cellular link)
M: My dear, are you aware it’s three in the morning? Who’s speaking please?
Ass: (Laughing like a set of cannons going off in Mosul) You don’t know me? GUESS WHO!
M: (In exasperation) Look, it’s very late and i have an early –
Ass: Come on! Just guess!

At this point in time in complete frustration I terminate the call, switch off the phone and fling it across the darkened room. One thing I can say about Nokias — they handle being tossed across rooms and bounced against walls very well.

My apologies to any of my lads who may have been arrested or indeed anyone who might have tried to call or text me between 3 and 9 this morning.

Calls that come at obscure hours of the morning generally have serious connotations – in addition to the afrorementioned arrest by gung ho cops, I’ve also fielded one about a friend going into labour, one concerning two gentleman attempting to unite each other with their makers and numerous dealing with some issues of the other. These I don’t mind.

What I mind are half wits calling me at three in the bloody morning with these RIDICLUS games. Can you spell EEJIT?

One of these fine days I shall be found curled in a corner laughing hysterically to myself. Just when we make one step forward in some area, we take three or four back!

On one hand AFSAT were licenced to sell VSATs to corporate and individual customers. (The less said about the connection with the head of the national security information service (NSIS) the better, but that is a matter for another day). In addition, we have 3 new gateways, including Kenya Data Networks, KDN. KDN made my day by releasing their price structure shortly after JamboNet, and those prices were generally half those of JamboNet! Did I mention that JamboNet had cut their own prices by up to 70%? This means we can finally have packet loss rates of less than 75%. I kid you not, there was a time you had to re-send 3 out of every 4 packets!

On the flip side journalists are being arrested and interrogated “on the orders of the Internal Security Minister“. Bollocks does not begin to describe this. It’s a good thing I never became a journalist because I’d be best friends with wardens country wide and begin my days making sure i’m not dropping soap in the claustrophobic confines of a prison shower.

I can easily see myself laughing outright in Mwakwere’s face as i detach my station’s microphone from the podium and being bunged promptly into the cells.

But then again considering all the things I’ve written about these Gadarene swine – er good men and women of impeccable character and morals

PIC OF THE DAY

“Easy there Gordon! Not everything green is a tree!”

Nobel Laureate Wangari Maathai wishes she was not an environmentalist as for the fourth time that day she narrowly espapes being watered by enthusiastic fans