Loco Foreign Affairs

The very sight of Foreign Affairs Minister Ali “Liberator” Mwakwere does little to inspire confidence, and when the man opens his mouth all further doubts are completely eliminated. I met the man once at Railways Golf Club. I was not impressed then and am not impressed now. His prowess on the Foreign Affairs landscape closely matches that of his prowess on the Green. CIA spooks analysing satellite footage of that day i’m convinced until today were unable to decide if he was man playing golf, a man slashing grass or a small helicopter having mechanical difficulties. The dude straddles the Foreign Affiars Landscape not like a colossus, but an inebriated duck.

But I digress.

After torturing the Saudis with his excruciating company he landed on our soils yesterday and even before brushing his teeth went straight for a press conference and immediately after accusing Edward Clay of using undiplomatic language, went ahead to call the man an incorrigible liar and accused him of being drunk. It’s times like these I thank God I never caved in to the calls to be a reporter because had I been there I would have detached my station’s mike while he was in full cry and would have summarily departed.

Clearly the man was acting on orders from a higher being to make a complete fool of himself. Last time he lowed that Clay did not substantiate his claims. This time he (Clay)did. Last time he (Mwakwere) bleated that Clay should have presented his evidence to the Government. This time he (Clay) did. The man totally refused to field questions on the issues and instead demonstrated that the only difference between a NARC minister and month old horse manure is the suit.

This is the same dude who puzzled millions over the world by declaring Kenyan hostages free, on the strength, it would seem, of an SMS from a 0722 number on River Road. I can just imagine the bewildered captors looking from hostages to TV to each other and wondering if they were operating in parallel universes.

The fact that this is the best man Kibaki could find to articulate our foreign policy speaks volumes of his (Kibaki’s) abilities, or, to be quite frank, lack thereof. Would there be much difference if we swapped the entire cabinet for some garden gnomes, a football and a bag of sweet potatoes?

Why oh why can’t we get leaders smart enough to hit the water if they fell out of a boat? Is it asking for too much?

Word Of The Day
Bullet (Noun) Bool – ette. A small bull

Dilemma
Caught between the Kibaki we Know, as evidenced daily, and Uhuru we may get, as analyzed by the Kenyan Pundit. Sigh

AOB
Chin up Sanaa :)

Saida Karoli – Ekitobero