Ralphie Wanjala, the MP who represents the people of Budalangi said the other day that

This was a pathetic attempt to defend a 1.5 million shilling payout at the end of their term.

I disagree. Most of our MPs would have excellent careers as clowns or jesters. Why?

Yesterday, a very morose looking Wanjala painted a pitiful picture to the press. His face was every bit the epitomization of a deeply grieved and wounded man. I wasn’t there but this is the gist of what I got
Ralphie: Powerful enemies are after my blood, my head and my behind!
Press: Oh? Why is that?
Ralphie: The diligent work that I do for the Ouko Commission
Press: And what makes you say that?
Ralphie: I have received death threats on my phone through Short… er… Simple …. er … SMS!
Press: Oh? Can you tell us the number?
Ralphie: I can’t tell you that! I’ve recorded the statement with the police.
Press: Hmm. Can we see the SMS?
Ralphie: Certainly (Whips out a Nokia 1100 and in no time presents the SMS)

Press: Criky! Is that the phone number we see up there?
Ralphie: Yes yes, so you can see that people are out to get me and finish me.
Late Coming Reporter: Could you give us the number it came from?
Ralphie:(Angrily) I already said NO!!!!
Stone faced Reporter: And so, how have your wife and girlfriends taken it?

PIC OF THE DAY

“Yes, I understand you perfectly. The subscriber cannot be reached …. Ehe, hata Kiswahili naelewa. Hapatikani kwa sasa…”

Floetry – Say Yes

Well, things seem to have been humming over at the Nation. Shortly after my email i’ve received a number of official communications from the Nation through a gentleman by the way of Charles Onyango-Obbo, who I understand is the Managing Editor in charge of products.

The Nation asked him to deal with the matter, and from the communication I have received from him he has been following up the matter diligently. They have gone some way in meeting the concerns raised vocally by you readers, as well as myself, and I am highly encouraged by the sincere responses

First off was this one, in response to the email I sent

Then, the more energetic of you seem to have had an effect! So for those who emailed the Nation (that I know of) including Mark, Sam, Tracy, and last but most definitely not least the tireless Truphena, rest in the knowledge that letters to editors actually get read

Finally there was this, that am led to believe shall appear on this Friday’s Weekend

This I hope will bring to a conclusion to the matter.
As with all things, the entire affair has its positive points:
- Raised the awareness of the Kenyan Blogosphere
- The Weblog has been recognized by the local media as an alternative voice of expression

Moral
You can always make a difference

Coldplay – Trouble

Having diligently followed what dear mama told me about counting to ten before doing anything, I have gone four better and counted to fourteen (days) before writing to the Daily Nation. The deafening silence from them leaves me acutely puzzled.

Again, the response ought to make for some interesting reading

Outkast – ATLiens

Well, as weeks go, this one has been an interesting one. Most of you seem to feel deeply in the matter of the Nation’s usage of material sourced from here. I seem to have become an unofficial revolutionary of sorts!

The Global Voices have raised the issue in this post (Good looking out Ory)

Let me answer the most asked questions today.

Q: Did you know your material was going to be used?
A: No. I was just as surprised

Q: Did you write or call The Columnist concerning this matter?
A: Yes. Details of our communication are here

Q: Have any of the Nation’s editors been in touch with you?
A: No.

Q: What do you think of all the furore that has been raised
A: Well, to be honest, I didn’t think quite so many people passed through here! I’m flattered.

Q: Will this affair make you reconsider putting your writings online
A: NO!

I’ve also just received a mail from the extremely energetic Truphena

The responses to this ought to make for some interesting reading. I’ll keep you posted

Nyota Ndogo – Mambo Kombo

Sometimes I get the powerful impression that sometimes God looks down, winks at his angels and says “Now now, look at that dude M. Don’t you think he needs something to make his day interesting?”

At this juncture the angels put aside their harps, agree heartily and draw closer in anticipation.

What generally transpires after such deliberations is that things as innocuous as going to work become that much more interesting. For instance today as I sat in Shirley, the Yaya bound Shuttle, just outside Hotel Kati Kati, drama was unfolding.

A chap in a red pick up had stopped suddenly, and a direct result of that stopping suddenly, a van from one of our local security companies drove merrily into the back of the pickup. This was something the gentlemen in the van objected strongly to, and so moved were they by this that they descended from their van, batons in hand. Quicker than Njeru Ndwiga on a tax waiver, they descended upon the pick up driver and with the aid of their batons, tried very hard to change the shape of the head of the pickup driver. Those of us in the shuttle who have yet to discover what a “Beat Down” is came away enlightened. For effort, technique and enthusiasm, I gave the guards a resounding A, considering that they were beating the driver of the pick up through his open windows.

Unfortunately for us spectators, traffic cleared and the shuttle driver, who was clearly behind schedule put his foot down and we left the spiraling drama behind us. Alighting immediately and walking the 8 or so minutes to work was an idea considered and rejected by the fact that I was already 10 minutes late.

BOLLOCKS OF THE DAY
Setup
Amazingly, the KRA owes the business community at large some 2.2 billion shillings in VAT refunds and waivers, according to Bankelele
Punchline
They blame the Minister (Treasury) for giving away to many incentives and waivers.

JOKE OF THE DAY
Note: Apology to any Nigerians, but this forward was just hilarious!
A family in Nigeria was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the USA, sent by their sister.

The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that their mother’s face was practically touching the glass cover. When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister pinned to their mother’s chest, which read:-

Dearest brodas and sistos, I am sending you our moda’s remains for burial de in Lagos. Sorry I couldn’t come along as de expenses were so high. You will find inside de coffin, onda Mama’s body, 12 can s of Libby’s corn beef and 12 cans of Luncheon Meat.Just share it among yourselves.

On Mama’s feet is a brand-new pair of Reeboks (size 8)for Junior.De are four pairs of Reeboks onder Mama’s head for Tunde’s sons. Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts – one is for Omo Roy and de rest are my nephews. Mama is also wearing one dozen Wondo Bra (your favorite), just divide it among yourselves. De 2 dozen Victoria’s Secret panties dat Mama is wearing should be distributed among my nieces and cousins.

Underneat mama’s body is 20 kgs of cocaine in satchets which is wort 120 million Naira. Dis should take care of all of you and de unborn babies in your bodies. Dont bury her wid all dis fortune.

Mama is also wearing eight Docker pants – Ikeje, please get one for yourself and de rest are for de boys. De Swiss watch you asked for is on Mama’s left wrist, please get it. Aunty Ifoma , Mama is wearing what you asked for ie ear rings, ring and necklace -please just get dem. Also, de six pairsof Chanel stockings dat Mama is wearing must be divided among the teen-age girls de. I hope dey like de color.

Your loving sister, Nene

PS: Plse take care of finding a dress for her burial since all i had dressed her in were your presents.

GROAN OF THE DAY
Q: What’s long, brown and sticky?
A: A stick

NEW KIDS ON THE BLOG

• Afromusing
• 4Sheezy
• Unganisha
• Alpha-Rwath
• The World Is Mine

Craig David – Fill Me In

A certain First Lady over the last month has quoted from 3 Blind Mice as well as Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves. It is just a matter of time before weighty quotes from Puss In Boots, Chicken Licken and 3 Billy Goats Gruff are rolling from her articulate lips. Only time will tell when pithy gems from Snow White And the Seven Dwarfs , Goldilocks And The Three Bears and Cinderella will find their way into her startling speeches.

Thank God for easy to read 32 page thrillers with large fonts and coloured pictures!

AOB
Aida, bestest of the bestest of the bestest luck to you :)

PIC OF THE DAY

The First Lady Poses for her portrait for the Kenyan 10,000 shilling note

Black Eyed Peas – Shut Up!

OK, OK. I’ve been away for a couple of days and a certain substance seems to have hit the fan on the issue of the Clay Court Column on the 25th February

To tell the truth my initial response at seeing my own work in the press was more of mild irritation. He did not claim the writing was his own, but I wondered why he never said where he got it. So I wrote to Mr Clay the following:

In response he sent me the following:

Which is fair enough.

During the course of the day I got this from one fan, that was carbon copied to Nation’s Editors

And this morning this was forwarded to me from Truphena

And this was forwarded to myself and Lucy Oriang by Truphena

And this is Lucy Oriang’s reply, forward to me

Angie Stone – Brotha