Image above has no relation to content below. Pure coincidence!
Act Two
Backs <The President>: Are we all here? From there? Where we came from?
Moody<Deputy President>: Yes your Excellency. Everyone is here. We can now sing that national anthem and recite the loyalty pledge. Ochillo came late and will have to be punished. Can you kneel down?
Kirwa <Agriculture>: Why do we have name tags? It’s ridiculous!
Odinga <Roads>: (Sotto voice) Because we’re so damn many
Michuki <Security>: (Suspiciously) What was that?
Odinga <Roads>: Nothing, nothing.
Nyongo <Planning>: I think someone spilled something in my chair
Christopher <Transport>: (Mopping his brow from the 5 foot walk from the doorway) You’re sitting in my seat
Nyongo: (Bitterly) Some of us should invest in plastic trousers
Roocy <Diary Controller>: Can we all be seated?
Balala <National Heritage> (Amazement): What ON EARTH is she doing here?
Roocy: I have been voting for the past 40 years and so I’m the most senior politician here
Balala: But you’ve also been taking dumps for the last 40 years. Does that make you the ….
Moody (Hastily): Okay, okay, okay All right then. Can we get started?
Backs: Which reminds me, where is … ah …. This fellow – you know him! Human being, hair on top of his head, opposable thumbs
Kalonzo <Environment>: Santa Claus?
Backs: No, the one who reminds me of him (Points to Ndwiga)
Ndwiga <Cooperatives>: Who? Me?
Odinga: Crooked?
Ndwiga: (Angrilly) I object to that! Are you insuni … insinu .. suni …. ah! Saying! Are you saying I’m crooked?
Backs: I remember now. Kombo
(Collective dawning)
Odinga: Aah! You mean Kombo? The Local Authorities Minister. He and Mwakwere went to Rome
Backs: How far did they go?
Odinga: To Rome
Backs: Yes, but how far did they go?
Michuki: To Rome sir.
Backs: (Growing frustration) I got that part. What I’m interested is where exactly they went
Tuju <Communications>: Vatican City.
Backs: Is it near Othaya?
Odinga: Not really – it’s in Italy
Backs: (In shock) They went all that way?
Tuju: (Puzzled) Yes. You told them to go there.
Backs: But they told me they wanted to go to roam! The grounds are here, they were here, and the fence is there…. What’s all this talk of Italy?
(Loud voice) GROAN! And he’s Commander in Chief of Armed Forces!
Michuki: (Suspiciously) Who was that?
Odinga: Someone here can throw his voice
Backs: That must be that loud ‘thud’ I just heard
Charity <Health>: No, that was our popularity falling.
Munyao <Livestock>: Aah. Here’s the tea girl with tea and mabuyu. I’m starving!
Daudi <Finance>: Nick begs!
Tuju: Not fair! Not fair! I cut for you some of my sandwich yesterday! I’m going to tell on you!
Moody: All right, all right. Can we move along! Killimo, I believe you had a presentation to us
Killimo <Immigration>: Thank you. (Gets to her feet and walks forward)
George <Education>: Manyake! All sizes! Manyake! Kama prizes…
Mugo, Tett (Simultaneously and furiously): Objection!
George: (Blushing) Oh my goodness! Did I sing that out loud?
Charity (Angrily): And this is not the first time neither! Just last week he was whistling ‘We Kamu’ as I walked past his office door. Is it in order for such sexist innuendo to be innuendoized?
Kimunya (Sympathetically): If his whistling is anything like his coordination it must have been quite the nasty experience!
George: There comes a time ….
Nyongo: Can we get on!
Backs: Your’re right there. What’s first on the agenda
Michuki: I have a bone to pick with agricultural extension officers! Cows are on heat all over the country and they are not rising to the occasion!
(Shouts of laughter)
Kombo: Isn’t attending to that Munyao’s job?
Munyao (Angrily): And just what is that supposed to mean?
Backs: Please, gentlemen! Can we proceed?
Ndwiga: Yes, on to national issues. We work tirelessly for an hour a day and our efforts ought to be recognized. I propose tax waivers for Cabinet Ministers in recognition.
Daudi (Scribbling in a notebook): Hear hear!
Charity: But that will make the public even more annoyed with us! Please sir, put an end to this nonsense! (Turns to Backs)
Backs: Zzzzzz!
Roocy: There are too many allegations of corruption against my Government …
(Outraged murmurs and shouting)
Odinga (Rising to his feet): Ayayayaya! Whose government? Nishike, maze, nishike! Hold me back!!
Roocy: I have been voting for 40 years and am thus the most senior politician here!
Kombo (Rolling his eyes): Give me a break! That line is quickly getting as stale as ‘working nation’ and ‘zero tolerance on corruption’
Kulundu <Labour>: And while we’re at it what was that crack about 2007?
Roocy: My children and I have not seen any difference in him! He’s the same as he was 10 years ago! Isn’t that so Boyi? (Turns to Backs)
Backs: Zzzz!
Odinga (Bitterly): The fact that you and your children do not see a difference is not proof of his abilities, it is only proof of one thing: that you and your children are in desperate need of an optician!
Christopher: When you have sheep and goats ….
Kalonzo (Irritably): Shut up already with all the Animal Farm talk! Can’t you say anything without involving farm animals?
Christopher (Passionately): Are you trying to get my goat?
(Shouts of laughter)
Christopher: I refuse to be cowed …
(More shouts of laughter)
Christopher: … by sheepish people …
(Still More shouts of laughter)
Christopher: … who are always dogging my tracks …
(Shouts of laughter)
Moody: At any rate at least we know who’d make a good head of the KSCPCA, in case you’re interested in the job
Kiraitu <Constitutional Affairs>: It’s like raping a woman who is already too willing…. Ho ho ho ho!
(Shocked silence. Then a flurry of action as Karua, Charity, Kilimo, Mugo and Tett launch themselves into the air in the process of delivery of flying
kicks. They freeze in mid air (a la The Matrix) before successfully delivering a series of devastating kicks)
Kimunya (Unsympathetically): Well, someone certainly brought that on themselves. Look on the bright side – at least your mouth is straight now
Kiraitu (Sprawled on the floor with high heel marks over
his person): Groan!
Backs: Zzzzz!
Nyachae: No guessing who will be spending his night on the sofa
Ndwiga: This tea has no sugar! How can I dip my bread into sugarless tea?
(All heads turn accusingly to Kirwa)
Kirwa: It wasn’t me, for goodness sake! It’s not like I make sugar in my backyard!
Michuki: (Shouting) Someone taste his tea!
(Ndwiga dips slice of bread in saucer of Kirwa’s tea and samples it)
Ndwiga (Indignantly): This tea has plenty of sugar!
(Collective gasps of shock and amazement)
Nyachae: Can you explain yourself sir!
Backs: Zzzz!
End of Act Two
Angie Stone – I Wish I Didn’t Miss You
Oh my goodness! this is too much! Im ROTFLMAO. I will comment once Im done!
woiye what shall we ever do wit our rooosay
You’ve outdone yourself!!!! This was too funny.
Man you killed me for real.
P.S. expect a bill from my doc. some rib injury he said
lmao…Lmao….Shit too funny i had post twice. Seriously fam how on earth were you able to finish writing this?
You’re a nutter Thinker!
Great stuff!!
Hilarious!! (Saitoti singing Manyake had me on the floor) You’re a poet, satirist, playwright, techie…haiiyaiya! what can you not do?
soo funny m! – well worth the wait :)
now for cabinet tales three …
RMHO.
this is a satirical masterpiece….i await the third episode with enormous gusto
Ahhh now I can comment.
Very interesting peice. Able to capture your audiences imagination quite well.
Thanks for the comic relief
M!
Well worth the wait! My sides still hurt from laughing so hard! Now excuse me as I go read that post again. ;-)
Laxative punch anyone?? Hilarious M. ;]
Too damn funny!! i can’t seem to stop laughing on that one. if cristopher really loves animals…he must be an animal himslef…lol
ati George singing we kamu….
LMBAO !!!
So who’se Aida?
- Ms K?
- Guessaurus (sounds like your type)
- Medusa (That comment clearly has other connotations)
- imn (Always says nice things, from day 1)
- ni2 (ditto)
Must be one of these! Spill the beans!
!! too much.
Havent even read Cabinet Tales 1 –
lakini hapana..that cracked me up voilently, for lack of a better word.
Every line was a punchline! skills , my friend, you have. Sending this post link to as many kenyans I know)
btw NYD daily is finally up up for a beta test run. would appreciate your insights.
http://daily.nchiyetu.com
Not only is it hilarious its a boom!
You got me hooked, am reading act I as we speak.
Ps: Cheers to saitoti
ooook now just cut that scene at where it is and plis do this can you give the flow of the “Nation Center storming” becasue i know you were there… and hope u did not get that slap Derrick got…. or you were the one who was being told “i know internet you fool”…..
Hey! Wewe Annonymous! Ask M who Aida is. Better yet get an account and stop posting as anonnymous.
No I aint Aida. Im Ni2. :-)
Hi Buddy
Don’t worry too much about no comments man. When you make us keel over its kind of tricky climbing back into the seat. Waiting with bated breath to read your reactions to the recent rage by the First Barracuda. Melt that keyboard!
hey thinker I and am sure all of us are waiting to read your version on the Roocy saga.
You killed me with that manyake…hehehe
Norman Nyagh should be appointed President of Kenya. This man has saved Kenya from the jaws of an evil empire called Executive Prime Minister.
He is the only meber of thje Cabinet walking clean. They tried to frame him with whats his names death, oh yah Mbai. How silly. And to imagine th efamily even believed it. How could Nyagh have given thugs a gun with his prints on it.How would you give a gun to thugs you have just met fo rtwo minutes. Kwani ni mjinga. I say Margaret Mbai knows something about her Husbands death and is trying to deflect attention away from herself. Nyagah has been very honest and has refused to indulge in corruption with the rest of the cabinet.This is the kind of leader we should be upholding.And his father too is an example of what a leader is.And now Normans son is very involved with helping the youth back home, and wants to go into poilitics himself.Talk of a political dynasty.
NYAGAH FOR PRESIDENT NA KUBALI. I KNOW THE SON TOO HERE IN THE UNITED STATES. I THINK NYAGAH JR WILL BECOME KENYAN PRESIDENT ONE DAY. I SEE IT HAPPENING, THAT JAMAA IS VERY COMMITTED.
kycni@yahoogroups.com
Child! you ain’t right! Haha
Jerry Nyagah in the United States, i also believe is on his way to the presidency of our great republic of Kenya. Young man with zeal and determination to right all wrongs and has the passion for public service beyond anyone i know.Actually met him not to long ago in Atlanta Georgia.
Jerry Nyagah for President. This is not an illusion, this is a reality unfolding as we watch.Go Nyagah Vote Nyagah you have my vote.
Nyagah for President. No way out. This is our man. I will be campaigning for him
Hmmm… this was a long dormant comment board but seems you have started with the Jerry Nyagah gig early!
BTW, how is he related to Joseph Nyagah?
In any event, are all the promising politicians related to the “older” generation?
Why can’t we have a fresh-faced guy like Obama???
No i also agree with akina Musila. Its not that being realted to a politician disqualifies you from holding public office. Just like age does not. Look at Mandela, shinning statesman, yet he was old. Look at younger people like Ruto, bure kabisa.
Jerry Nyagah should take a shot at the Presidency, and i will also throw in my support for him. I know of his initiatives and well wishes for Kenya,and all done for the good of the nation.
This is what we need. And who says a fresh face like Obama is the best.? Jerry Nyagah is also fres faced. He has not entered politics. Yet.
People have been urging him to do so, but he refuses, i guess when the time is write he will.He is a humble, hardworking, Christian young man with great values and ideals. Not like akina Fidel Odinga( Railas son), who is a spoilt brat.Or the spoilt Kenyatta children.
If its the same Jerry Nyagah we are talking about in Atlanta, then ill also say yes NYAGAH FOR PRESIDENT. Ive met him a couple of times. This is what kenya needs trust me.This is a Mandela in the making.
Na unga mkono haya mambo. Dedidicated guy this Nyagah jama.And on this note, this is what we call youth. Not Raila who says he is youth, at 58.How is this fool a youth? Raila is a useless jamaa kabisa. Mpaka Luos here are saying they are realising kazi yake ni mdomo. He can forget the presidency haraka because he aint getting there.
Nyagah juu juu zaidi
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