Events over the past couple of weeks continue to leave me undecided whether to laugh or to cry.
Over in Ngong people are living under a siege of sorts, and it takes a particularly brave soul to venture outside past six in the evening, risking loss of assorted teeth, slashed person and life.
Over in Mombasa there are Raiders Of The Lost Ark, or whatever they call themselves training in the jungle. They are not training to play volleyball, but on the contrary they are training in the jungle to fight.
And even here in Nairobi proper we are being mugged, car jacked, assaulted and raped. Personally I am extremely reluctant to be on the streets after dusk, having several times run into gentlemen who very considerately, out of the charity of their souls, go out of their way to relieve me of the burden of my personal possessions. The firmly refuse to believe me when I confess that actually the weight of my money is too much, and my feet don’t need to be held captive by shoes.
Crime is so prevalent it is finding trouble accommodating itself in cities and is now bursting its seams and flooding the countryside.
The Police clearly have a lot to do. But what are they doing?
Last month they were whining about speeding. Huge masses of policemen and policewomen were deployed to spend entire days at the roadside to harass Tuk Tuks, jalopies and other vehicles going 51 km/h on highways.
This week they are whining about TINTED WINDOWS. Troops and troops of police have been deployed to waste their time, and most importantly ours, bleating about TINTED WINDOWS. Did I mention they were harping about TINTED WINDOWS? If they catch you with tinted windows you will be arrested, taken to the police station and generally refused bond and charged in court for having TINTED WINDOWS.
Surprise, surprise, a certain sweaty gentleman is at the helm of the transport ministry and derives considerable pleasure in wasting everyone’s time enforcing laws written when two horsepower meant precisely that, and vehicle exhaust was considerably more solid that it is now, and tended to remain on the road.
And at the same time we are living under a virtual siege, prisoners in our own homes. Some households have windows that are so grilled that sunlight has to knock before being allowed admission. Some gates are locked with padlocks, that are in turn locked by other padlocks and finally the famous anti-janitor is placed in the padlock. As a final safety layer, the anti-janitor has its own anti-janitor.
Traditionally one’s house had one gate but nowadays to be safe you are forced to have a pre-gate, the gate itself and a post-gate. Every gate promises ‘Mbwa Kali’, and to show independence of thought, others volunteer information about ‘Mbweha Kali’, ‘Fisi Kali’, ‘Chui Kali’ and ‘Simba Kali’. Judging from the racket coming from her house, my immediate neighbour may want to put up a ‘Kuku Kali’ sign.
What is it with this Government that makes it unable to prioritize anything? That makes it churn out policies that are either half baked, quarter baked or not baked at all? There must be something in that ministerial oath that reduces your brain cells to cornflakes.
If you think deploying hundred of cops to bleat, low, harp, bark and moo about tinted windows while nothing is being done about real live crooks running around with machetes and clubs is an acceptable state of affairs raise your hand and smack your fat head.
AOB
Been attending a conference so not had much time to blog. Will resond to Quality Control shortly
GROAN OF THE DAY
Q: What did the Pilgrims at the Vatican say as the new Pope was elected?
A : HOLY SMOKE!
Oliver Ngoma – Ameh