Life is a very strange thing. I’ve spent years and years trying to find out what mine is all about and much as I have made progress, it is almost negligible compared to the broader picture. However, one of my duties here is to know myself, so I do get some small credit for effort. After all,we are not here to wake up, go to work, have a drink with friends and sleep daily, year in year out.

My relationship with God is entirely satisfying because we generally tend to have interesting conversations where I ask him questions and he replies. At times he replies directly and other times he (maddeningly) replies using other means, at his own time.

One conversation we generally have a lot is this one:

M: Dude … about misfortunes
G: Yes?
M: I know I can’t escape without getting some but do mine have to travel in mobs? It’s a bit much to get them all at once! Why don’t you stagger them a bit?
G: (Pulling the Omnipotent thing) Hmm… Well, think about it this way. I know you but you don’t quite know yourself.
M: (Suspiciously) Yes?
G: So how else can I help you know what you’re made of
M: (Opening mouth to answer)
G: (Pulling the All Knowing Thing) No, you can’t just ask
M: Ah … ha ha!
G: (Grinning) Besides, I’ve never heard you asking me to stagger your blessings.
M: Touché!

This month he has clearly been determined for me to make considerable headway because I cannot remember a month where so many things have gone wrong simultaneously. Everything this month has seemed to turn to ashes. Reading from left to right in the credit column:

• One of my best friends, who discovered she has HIV recently and who has been given a hard time by of all people, her hitherto loving family, sent me a cryptic message that weeks ago that leaves me in no doubt that she is contemplating something really really stupid. Besides feeling her pain I’m scared to death of what she’ll do in my absence.
• Another of my best friends lost her grandfather yesterday and it’s killing me that I can’t be there.
• Apparently the flat I was eyeing has passed me entirely by virtue of my absence. Getting a flat where I want is next to impossible.
• A and I seem to have hit a rather rough patch.
• Intense migraines that force me to bed at ungodly hours like 7 are making their presence felt
• I’m here to fix a problem that I have been unable to get to manifest itself after a week’s plus effort. Maddening does not come close.

I won’t ask if things can get any lousier because every time I ask it seems to be taken as a challenge. :)

Still, as long as I’m able to enjoy at the lovely sunset, wake up in the morning and do my thing I’m not quite beaten. Not by a long shot.

M: Dude …
G: Yes?
M: I can’t pretend I’m not feeling all this but you just take the first item from the list and I’ll try and handle the rest. I’m sure I can manage.
G: All right. And M?
M: Yes?
G: Well done. We’ll make a man out of you yet.

Blessed Union Of Souls – I Believe