Blogga what? Blogga Please

By Mutumia

My name is Mutumia and I am a blogger. Now I say this with two parts pride (soundtrack “I am Unbwogable”); one part guilty admission (sound track “Whodda thunk it?”) and at least three parts shame-on-me (sound track “It’s me oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer”)… Yes I know that’s five parts- what??? But as I was saying, it’s a funny thing about blogging as I find myself now quite entrenched in the routine of blogging (shameless self promotional plug here). And while I’m still new to this whole posting a blog thing, I had been a lurker for a long time, then shifted from stealth mode to opaque mode where I used to comment as “Ann Otieno Nimas” (Ann O. Nimas) and finally- y’know it was downhill all the way from there…

Anyway, I digress. Now, I love blogging as it exposes you to

1) An opportunity to fill in all your knowledge gaps: You know all those stray thoughts that flit through your mind — e.g. “I wanted to write something deep for M’s spot but my finger hurts- maybe I can go to Wal-Mart and get something for it- and I wonder if today is the day that I’ll get my puncture – and why isn’t my neighbour’s kid’s band doing practice, and I wonder if when they’re rich and famous, I can say that I used to listen to them way back when and score a ticket to their show and impress my young and impressionable toy boy – who I will be telling stories about Shokolokobangoshe”

*stop! Freeze!*

If I were to blog about Shokolokobangoshe— like who the heck was she, someone will fill me in. Or if I blog about neighbour’s kid’s band being quite awful, there’ll be someone who’ll give me tips on how to block out said music. Y’know?

*Looking at M. who’s making circular motions with his hand telling me to speed it along*

2) OK…. Now the good thing about blogging is that you can also blog anonymously (yay!) which is between very good and very, very good. Why you ask? I’m glad you asked. It’s real easy to build that camaraderie online- sometimes much faster/ easier than in the real world- y’know ‘cause in real life it takes a while for the people to learn that Mutumia XP is not quite Mutumia XP-Demo version. The Demo version (that’s usually the one that people meet) is the one that the software engineers have worked all the glitches out of. It never needs re-booting, never hangs up [insert techie proficiency details here] but then, after you take Demo version home and install Mozilla. Let the games begin. Crashing galore. Weird fonts that cannot be uninstalled. Yup- kinda like that. But with blogging- you’re always on the demo version so that’s pretty cool.

3. And you can share stuff that matters to you (sorta kinda) – like for example- KBW is a bit top-heavy on the football stuff as the mchongoano goes something like “Mathako anapenda Arsenal mpaka akiwa na ball alimeza uzi wa red ndiyo uzaliwe na team jersey” Da hell! And I’ll also be upfront and confess that I am not a football fan (or if I was to be all snooty and high handed, I’d say soccer, but I’ll refrain as I’m on treacherous ground here. I am as they say out-Man’d – geddit? Cause of ManU— play on words…haidhuru, tuendelee).

Don’t get me wrong- I have tried the whole soccer thing. I mean, this is despite having gone out with a jamaa way back when who was to Football what Kamotho was to KANU. He pendad soccer football to the extent that whenever Harambee Stars were knocked out of the CaffCaff (or whatever) Cup, he would follow the progress of the Indomitable Lions. The brother knew the three full names of the Official Malian Witchdoctor (Aguib Sosso) and his deputy (Adama Kone) for crying out loud! Now that’s a fan—but I digress (again).

What I was saying is that you can find a pool of people who share your love for [insert peccadillo here]. Y’know kinda like I love, love, love Kenyan Game shows. My favourite? Glad you asked. Omo Pick a Box. Now that was a 2 in one deal-(SitCom and Game Show) and it was chock full of burst-a-gut laughter e.g. when the host was asking some jamaaz…

Host: Who is referred to as the King of Pop?
Mbonyezi Kidude 1: Nebuchadnezzar!
Host: No.
MK2: Haile Selassie
(looking visibly vexed)
Host: No. We are looking for a musician.
MK3: Blondie-Blondie.
(looking like she’s ready to start throwing boxes of Omo at her Manager for getting her the gig)
Host: Ati nani?
MK3: Blondie-Blondie- Alikuwa kwa URTNA- haumkumbuki? Ni mcheza ngoma za reggae halisi.
Host: Alpha Blondie?
MK3: Ndiyo- I want the money.
Host: But you didn’t get the question right- the answer is Michael Jackson!!!

Woiye. Then the poor squeeze the same night had the following convo to another bunch of contestants:

Host: Who was Ralph Bunche?
MK1: Ule mtu wa Hutchings Biemer?
Host: No.
(Turning to the second contestant)
Host: Contestant number 2, the question is “Who was Ralph Bunche?
MK2: (looking at her cross eyed ‘cause of being put on the spot). The box
Host: Sir- you have to answer the question correctly first.
MK2: Oh sorry- the money.

St this point, girlfriend just called it a night and I think she hurled flung generously distributed the money to the crowd… Now that’s a gameshow y’all.

Yup— let your inner blogger out.

He he— for all of you who read till the end waiting fro some M-ish insight – men You’ve been just been punk’d. Yes poleni ndugu zanguni chant along with me

Milka Bonyo, Bonyo were Mos Mos Mos Mama Milka…
I logged for M and got a Mutumia
Mos Mos Mos Mama Milka