[EDIT]

For yet another year, the annual awards have come around. Winners are final. Without much further ado:

Woman Of The Year

Conjestina Achieng

Conjestina came onto the boxing scene with a bang and has stayed in the limelight. From very humble beginnings she has floored all opposition far and wide and still manages to keep it real. You have not lived until you have seen Conjestina pummelling the competition out of their collective misery. It is said, and with good reason, that Leila Ali is reluctant to step up to Conjestina.You go girl!

Man Of The Year

Maina Kiai

As head of the Kenya National Human Rights Commission, this gentleman has taken the government to task at every level and at every opportunity, despite the fact that he is a government employee! From speaking out against human rights abuses, corruption in the government, and the misuse of government resources he has been consistent in the face of stiff political and tribal opposition.

Paul Tergat

Ever smiling, ever optimistic Paul Tergat has done a lot on and off the athletics track. As a phenomenal and humble athlete he has contributed to the sport and continues to boost the image of the country. As a goodwill ambassador he continues to spread the message of hope. As a sportsman he has helped organize the sportsman of the year awards.

Inspiration Of The Year

Kimani Ngure

He’s 80+. But he went back to school. He wears school uniform. He sits with his fellow students. He doesn’t ask for special treatment. He’s determined to finish school. Hats off to you sir!

Disappointment Of The Year

John Githongo

I just stopped shy of calling this award the Coward Of The Year. No one is disputing the kitchen was hot and the corrupt were fighting. But to flee and hide in London giving bullshit lectures on corruption? Not giving pointers to those fighting the fight? I’m not impressed. There are many other Kenyans who have stayed behind in very turbulent, very dangerous settings to fight the good fight. People like Maina Kiai and David Munyakei who are on the front line and have sacrificed despite the constant pressure.

Clowns Of The Year

The Kenya Football Federation

When it comes to clowning off, few can compete with the KFF. Kenyan soccer has managed to deteriorate to an extent that there was a time we were banned by FIFA altogether. Now we are undergoing fiasco after fiasco, with two parallel groups purporting to be running the KFF. We have two secretary generals and complete sets of staff each insisting the other is illegal

Hot Air Of The Year

Jointly shared by the United Nations and the African Union, who have been talking, talking and talking about Darfur for yet another year until they’re blue in the face, and neither look like they are about to slow down with the talking.

Fighting Team Of The Year

Wigan Athletic

At the end of last season, and at the beginning of this one, few could spell, let alone know, who or what Wigan was. They’ve fought tooth and nail and given everyone including Chelsea a run for their money.

What Happened Team Of The Year

Arsenal FC

I’m a die hard supporter, and will continue to remain so, but my lads this year you have been a pale shadow of your pale shadow!

Ass of The Year

There has been stiff competition for this one by Kenyan politicians. No matter how low the bar is, this motley collection of individuals have managed to slither under. But two have risen head and shoulders above their brethren

Chirau Ali Mwakwere

This gentleman has caused considerable speculation that his credentials as a career diplomat were sourced from a local butchery. Each and every time he has opened his mouth he has continued to reinforce this idea. His hallmark moment was declaring that Kenyan Hostages has been freed in Iraq, to the bewilderment of hostages and captors and the world at large, apparently on the strength of an SMS from a local number

Kiraitu Murungi

This gentleman must have work overtime to find ways and means to annoy everyone within and without range. Arrogance has taken an entirely new meaning under him, whether he is declaring the Anglo Leasing Scandal a scandal that never was, or declaring that the Yes campaign would shake every corner of the country, or that the referendum was a government project. His hallmark moment:

“It is like raping a woman who is already willing … HA HA HA!!!”

Face Of The Year

M, I’d put yours but that would complicate issues for you :D

Drama Queen Of The Year

Lucy Kibaki

When not on the case of World Bank Country directors, seeking to know who their mothers were, she was terrorizing journalists at Nation Center and slapping others and wrote her name in the book of infamy. While I was in Botswana the only thing the Botswanans knew about Kenya was that our First Lady was loco

Audacity Of The Year

Mwai Kibaki

Dictating a detailed code of conduct prohibiting rewarding of friends and family with jobs and promotion purely on merit and then having the temerity to do just that and bring his golf buddies, old school friends and political cronies plum jobs

The WTF Award

This award is granted to those people that make us want to pinch ourselves and see if we are in a really bad dream

Maina Kamanda

Despite barely having opposable thumbs, this gentleman is the minister for gender affairs

Kalembe Ndile

This gent can can barely read and write, is an assistant minister, and will be articulating government policy on behalf of 30 million Kenyans

Njega Karume

He can just barely go through the alphabet, and is unlikely to know which end of a missile to point at the enemy, is the Defence minister. In theory he could end up in the same room as Condolleezza Rice, where he will say things like “Would I like some cruise missiles for Kenya? No thanks — I think I prefer those that go at full speed.”

Trouble Magnet Of The Year

Christopher Murungaru

Managed the impossible task of being despised wherever his large sweaty frame made an appearance. Has the dubious distinction of being unwanted both at home and overseas

Clothes Horse Of The Year

Moody Awori

He has appeared in everything from a suave debonair gentleman to one of Snow White’s colour blind seven dwarves

Oorie Rogo Manduli

Her outfits can reliably be heard long before they can be seen

Word Of The Year

We have a tie:

Pumbavu

Jienjoy

Pic Of The Year

Enough Already! Award

Reggaetone

Reality TV 

Orange Democratic Movement

Sting – Roxanne