tHiNkEr’S rOoM

There a number of fields of industrial development that create quite a number of jobs and bankroll billions around the world. The better known culprits include oil, computers, mobile telephony and pharmaceuticals.

The identity of one of the biggest players, however, is secreted away in our collective ignorance.

There is no shortage of keen eyed, breathlessly enthusiastic ladies and gentlemen with grand ideas of world peace, lions laying down with lambs, no war and no hunger. They look through life with rose tint glasses, fondly envisaging an Eden on earth.

What holds these people in common are beliefs in nebulous ideals like foreign aid, strategic papers, Jeffrey Sachs, Live Aid and other such.

One of the biggest of these is the concept of poverty eradication.

A couple of weeks ago I was enthusiastically informed over lunch that poverty eradication was inevitable. The choking noise I made was not the food going down the wrong way but a superhuman effort to check what was undoubtedly going to be a very long burst of laughter.

Anybody with any rose tinted ideals about the possibility of poverty eradication had better get them out of their heads because

Poverty is one of the biggest employers, and what’s more, has created some of the biggest gravy trains in history

Poverty has created a proliferation of global bodies, departments, companies, organizations, boards as well as a host of jobs that allows millions of people and dozens of governments to butter their bread.

Poverty has created opportunities for everyone, no matter what field there are in. Poverty has allowed characters who would have otherwise faded into the yesteryear like Bob Geldof to get their vaguely belligerent countenances on televisions around the world, and his own tele-documentary, Geldof in Africa, where he managed to pass through Africa with fleeting contact with technology and architecture.

Poverty has allowed NGOs to proliferate all over the world, purporting to be working round the clock to deliver man from his poverty and deliver him to a world of manna, wine and cake here on earth.

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Wangu

If you could only give your children three things, what would they be?

- Thirst for knowledge
- Compassion for others
- Strong characters

In 20 words, give what you think is the best advice you can to anybody reading Ask M

Everything, no matter how complex, is made up of a bunch of simple constituents

Your reaction to seeing someone you love cry?

Acute distress

Belle

Would you consider living/working outside Kenya if presented with a phenomenal opportunity ( and for how long)?

Of course! But not indefinitely

Any place more appealing than others?

Somewhere with a beach. Like The Bahamas

Have you had/do you have political aspirations, and what office would you run for?

No aspirations. But if I did - Minister of Planning or Minister of Information & Communications

Are there any african leaders you think are doing a commendable job, and who would they be?

Paul Kagame. Dude is turning around Rwanda

(If we’re really nice) would you consider doing an ‘ask M’ more regularly - perhaps on issues around Kenya etc.. and less personal?

Sounds like a plan

Omani

Having Identified the electorate as the problem, what leadership style would you think would get the ‘assified fossils’ working?

If they were forced to account for everything they did, and all the decisions they made things might turn out differently.

What can we do to ensure a smooth changeover from the ‘assified fossils’, besides waiting for nature to take them from their seats?

The youth taking an active interest in leadership and politics. Right now there is a vacuum precisely because of this.

If you were the presidential adviser, how would you differentiate the government for political and economic prosperity - besides cleaning out the fossils?

Professionalism. Government should be run like a company, with the ethic of the company. Realizing that decisions have repercussions and ramifications. That resources that are spent come from somewhere, and must be accounted for. That officers exercising their duties must deliver results, and be accountable for each of their actions.

Mutumia

When did you shave your curly kit?Why did you shave your curly kit?

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Lydia

How long have you been online?

Just under 10 years

Do you try to separate your online persona from your real one?

I tried very hard and failed.

Experience you’re looking forward to most?

Little fingers pulling my trouser leg and a little face looking up at me, certain that there’s nothing I can’t do

Do you think you could stop blogging if you wanted to?

The simple answer — oh yes. In a heartbeat.

Chebet

Do you have a girlfriend?

Yes <

Will she mind a co-wife?

Adrian

What do you do professionally?

ICT

Where did you go to school?

Strathmore then Nairobi Uni

Where do you see yourself in 20 years?

Sitting on a swing in my backyard with my son on my lap

Guess

What is the thing that disappoints you most about the human race?

For a gentle race humans can behave even worse than savage beasts. Still don’t understand how things like The Holocaust and Rwanda and Kosovo still happen

Of your various multiple personalities, which one is your most    favourite and why. Which is your least favourite?

Well … that would explain a lot! Favourite - definitely the daring one that speaks his mind and always has a story somewhere or the other to tell. Least? Probably the quiet one.

I dare you to write something about sex (so out of your blog character) - and I will match you word for word

Prousette

Do you think being gay is a biological thing or it is a choice someone makes?

Dunno. Doesn’t matter — let people be free to do their thing.

Do you believe in God? Unconventionally or otherwise and why?

Certainly. A lot more unconventionally than my priest would like. Not a fan or rituals or set prayers - I prefer to have a friendly banter with the Big Man

What do men want? From your privileged position as a man generally,  and in particular.

Men want room to be men. Me? I want simplicity.

Do you have a curly kit?

Certainly not!

Where did the people who suggested you did have the insinuation of its presence on your scalp?

I dunno … the quality of weed is dropping like a stone, au siyo Gichu?

Kenyan Musings

What is your earliest childhood memory?

First day at school

What is the one thing you cannot go a day without?

Strong tea (2 tea bags)

What is the one thing you think women do not understand about men, and they should?

Most of us have no time or inclination for hints, innuendos, subtleties, double guessing, etc

What is your favorite thing to do on a lazy Sunday morning?

What else? SLEEP!

Arab

Are you a professional of some sort

I suppose … yep

SpellCheque

Why do you keep your hair so long?

Because I happen to like it that way. Any given day it ranges from looking vaguely unkempt to total disaster like but I like it. Plus it’s therapeutic when the brain cells are not co-operating. Pulling on it seems to help

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The setting is in Parliament buildings, Nairobi

Moody: Order, order! Are we all here?
Kituyi: (Rushing in) Sorry I’m late — oh my goodness! (Looking around) Were we to come in costume? No one told me!
Moody: Of course not! Where did you get such a ridiculous idea?
Kituyi: Then why are you dressed like one of the seven dwarves auditioning for a Western?
Moody: I’ll have you know that this is a very stylish dress
Kagwe: (Sotto Voice) For a smurf!
Ngilu: Gentlemen, please! Can we get on with the meeting?!
Moody: That’s right.
Koigi: Mr President sir, can you open the meeting?
Kibaki: Zzzzz!
Koigi: Mr President?
Nyachae: Clearly you’re new around here and don’t know how things work. His Excellency has been to the London School of Economics, and clearly this is how he was taught to chair meetings! Don’t you know anything?
Koigi: (Blushing) My apologies.
Moody: Now, are we all here?
Karua: We have a seating problem. Apparently this room was only planned for 20 ministers and we are over 80 — we need some more seats
Tuju: Well, we had bouncing castles and stuff set up in parliament grounds yesterday. We can use the tables and chairs that were used for our tea party — I mean, the children’s tea party
Kituyi: Yes, you seemed to enjoy playing house rather a lot
Tuju: (Defensively) I was just getting into the spirit with the children!
Kirwa: What children? There were no children!
Moody: Gentlemen! Let’s have the play chairs brought in then. Some of us are having problems as it is getting onto the chairs we have here!
Mwiraria: (Voice coming from under the table) I heard that!

Moody: Now, are we all seated? Good. Kamanda, can you stop eating Koigi’s dog biscuits!
Kamanda: (Mouth full) Am not!
Koigi: Waaa!!!!
Ngilu: There there!
Kituyi: Please, can we proceed!!!
Moody: We’ll open with a word of prayer
Kombo: (Modestly) If I may …

{Chorus of voices} Oh HELL no!

Kombo: (Surprised) What’s the problem? Dialogue is the answer. We must sit down at the table and dialogue.
Kituyi: No offence, but the last time you led the prayer every last statue in parliament came down from it’s perch and stretched itself out to sleep. Birds migrating south for the winter that were flying over parliament came to roost and have yet to wake up. You have this way of putting things to sleep when you talk…

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1) The Githongo report is sweeping the web. Just in case you’ve not gotten a hold of it, or it disappears mysteriously, get it here (Kudos to Dreddlocked1)

2) The details of our members of parliament, henceforth known as the Nitwit Brigade ™ is still online despite clumsy attempts to hide it. Get it while it’s hot

3) Unless something more pressing comes up I’ll post Ask M probably on the 20th. So you can still Ask M(e) anything. Caveat: Don’t bother asking for age, tribe, etc.

4) Yes, Cabinet Tales IV will be up Monday. Really.

“Hounded by an ill wind” is an expression that comes to the mind of Kenyans after the events of the last two weeks.

Things have gone to the dogs when a kindly benefactor from New Zealand, out of the goodness of her heart and moved by the milk of human kindness decides to donate some dog food to the starving children of Rusinga.

Dogged by compassion, her initial thought was to donate dog biscuits, but on retrospect, upon realizing that the canines of the children are not quite like those of the average Doberman Pinscher, she decided to donate the raw ingredients instead. 4 tonnes worth.

Personally, I think it’s barking mad.

Kenyans can now wolf down the culinary delight of marinated leg of rat, a la Robinson Githae, with a side order of freshly imported dog biscuits, while they watch their Oompa Loompa Government bleat for money for food from the white leather interiors of the cars that cost hard working Kenyans one billion shillings of their sweat, all the while having their homes collapsing on them and having to be rescued by helping hands all the way from Tel-Aviv.

It’s something to howl about when while some fat cats are contemplating S-500, others are contemplating K-9.

AOB

Cabinet Tales IV is the very next post. I promise!