When I look at the Kenyan MP it is generally with a powerful urge to smack said MP’s fat head. These people are just schmucks. Really. And that’s not just passion talking. How can a 220 member parliament perpetually have a quorum problem? And on the one day they (mostly) attend, budget day, most can be spotted rattling the rafters with their snoring and dribbling drool throughout the speech, only to be seen later at the garden party aggressively chasing free biscuits and then waxing lyrical from the same canned speech:
“Uh, it was a fairly good speech {munch munch}. The minister touched on most of the core issues affecting the common {munch} man”
The fact that I am working my ass off so that i can have a third of my wages neatly siphoned off to pay these trolls does little to endear them to me, or their offspring for that matter. I recall a time I had the misfortune of meeting the fruit of Ali Mwakwere’s loins, who seemed amazed that I did not know who his father was. I helpfully suggested that the only person who could conclusively answer that question was his mother, but that passed him completely by.
But I digress.
This past Saturday a school group collection bench waste of MPs gathered together to launch yet another new party. It is my opinion that this country has more parties than 31st December, but here again another one is shoved down our throats.
With ill fitting hats crammed onto fat heads, the 50 or so odd MPs stood before a crowd, waving foolishly, dancing ungracefully and blowing more hot air than a sperm whale that has just consumed an hot air balloon. Let us overlook the fact that the section of the crowd that was not paid to attend was there for the free refreshments.
One of the most irritating truths is that Kenyan politicians have taken the term multi-party democracy at face value and are of the opinion that the more political parties there are the more multi-party the country is! Which should not really be a surprise from people who think the Internet is a revolutionary fishing device.
They change parties like soiled underwear. Name one politician who can quote a paragraph of his party’s manifesto (if he knows what it is) and I will eat my hat. They have no beliefs or ideologies or visions, besides the immediate ones of getting power and maintaining it.
Lose party elections? Defect. Wife deliver a boy instead of a girl? Defect. Uchumi collapses like a house of cards? Defect. Suddenly discover that your stomach obscures your view of your toes? Defect.
Let’s look at the rationale of the latest round of defections to the new party.
According the those behind the new party are several BAs, BScs, MScs, MDs, Doctors and Professors. There are also the usual SMS, LOL, ETC, WTF, H2O who are indeed the bulk of the August(September and October) houses.
These denizens of intelligentsia are telling us that “NARC is a tribal outfit so there is a need to form a new party that is not driven by tribalism”.
Well, I have news for you nitwits!
It is not the party that is tribal.
It is the people within it!
The course of action when beholding soiled underwear is precisely the same as that for a tribal party — look for the ass!
These yahoos would have us believe that they will stop being the same tribal cabals. That they will suddenly become nationalists. That they now will be smart enough to hit the water if they fell out of a boat.
Well, I don’t buy it from one bit. People don’t change because their house has been painted a different colour. A rose by any other name is just a sweet. A politician by any other party is just as stinky.
And if you are a new member of this new party raise your right hand and smack your fat head.
AOB
You really have to read Kate Wolf’s fascinating blog on life in the DRC. Did you know that DRC is the biggest city NOT to have a movie theater? Or that their banks don’ give loans — you buy a Merc you have to do it with cash money? Read all about it. And whoever said different strokes for different folks must have read #1. And my absolute favourite — the DRC has 33 presidential candidates and 5,000 parliamentary candidates, vying for 500 seats!
LINK OF THE DAY
Are you a liar? Are you having a bit of nookie on the side unknown to your significant other? Think no one knows those dirty shenanigans you’re up to with Mama Njoki / Secretary / hotcat999@yahoo.com? Think again! You could be on Off2Hunt: Exposing married liars and cheats
PIC OF THE DAY
Nature meets technology
Daudi Kabaka – Musa