When I look at the Kenyan MP it is generally with a powerful urge to smack said MP’s fat head. These people are just schmucks. Really. And that’s not just passion talking. How can a 220 member parliament perpetually have a quorum problem? And on the one day they (mostly) attend, budget day, most can be spotted rattling the rafters with their snoring and dribbling drool throughout the speech, only to be seen later at the garden party aggressively chasing free biscuits and then waxing lyrical from the same canned speech:
“Uh, it was a fairly good speech {munch munch}. The minister touched on most of the core issues affecting the common {munch} man”
The fact that I am working my ass off so that i can have a third of my wages neatly siphoned off to pay these trolls does little to endear them to me, or their offspring for that matter. I recall a time I had the misfortune of meeting the fruit of Ali Mwakwere’s loins, who seemed amazed that I did not know who his father was. I helpfully suggested that the only person who could conclusively answer that question was his mother, but that passed him completely by.
But I digress.
This past Saturday a school group collection bench waste of MPs gathered together to launch yet another new party. It is my opinion that this country has more parties than 31st December, but here again another one is shoved down our throats.
With ill fitting hats crammed onto fat heads, the 50 or so odd MPs stood before a crowd, waving foolishly, dancing ungracefully and blowing more hot air than a sperm whale that has just consumed an hot air balloon. Let us overlook the fact that the section of the crowd that was not paid to attend was there for the free refreshments.
One of the most irritating truths is that Kenyan politicians have taken the term multi-party democracy at face value and are of the opinion that the more political parties there are the more multi-party the country is! Which should not really be a surprise from people who think the Internet is a revolutionary fishing device.
They change parties like soiled underwear. Name one politician who can quote a paragraph of his party’s manifesto (if he knows what it is) and I will eat my hat. They have no beliefs or ideologies or visions, besides the immediate ones of getting power and maintaining it.
Lose party elections? Defect. Wife deliver a boy instead of a girl? Defect. Uchumi collapses like a house of cards? Defect. Suddenly discover that your stomach obscures your view of your toes? Defect.
Let’s look at the rationale of the latest round of defections to the new party.
According the those behind the new party are several BAs, BScs, MScs, MDs, Doctors and Professors. There are also the usual SMS, LOL, ETC, WTF, H2O who are indeed the bulk of the August(September and October) houses.
These denizens of intelligentsia are telling us that “NARC is a tribal outfit so there is a need to form a new party that is not driven by tribalism”.
Well, I have news for you nitwits!
It is not the party that is tribal.
It is the people within it!
The course of action when beholding soiled underwear is precisely the same as that for a tribal party — look for the ass!
These yahoos would have us believe that they will stop being the same tribal cabals. That they will suddenly become nationalists. That they now will be smart enough to hit the water if they fell out of a boat.
Well, I don’t buy it from one bit. People don’t change because their house has been painted a different colour. A rose by any other name is just a sweet. A politician by any other party is just as stinky.
And if you are a new member of this new party raise your right hand and smack your fat head.
AOB
You really have to read Kate Wolf’s fascinating blog on life in the DRC. Did you know that DRC is the biggest city NOT to have a movie theater? Or that their banks don’ give loans — you buy a Merc you have to do it with cash money? Read all about it. And whoever said different strokes for different folks must have read #1. And my absolute favourite — the DRC has 33 presidential candidates and 5,000 parliamentary candidates, vying for 500 seats!
LINK OF THE DAY
Are you a liar? Are you having a bit of nookie on the side unknown to your significant other? Think no one knows those dirty shenanigans you’re up to with Mama Njoki / Secretary / hotcat999@yahoo.com? Think again! You could be on Off2Hunt: Exposing married liars and cheats
PIC OF THE DAY
Nature meets technology
Daudi Kabaka – Musa
Yeah – Daudi Kabaka? What I wouldnt give for access to your playlist. Sorry that is all I saw before I read the post. Y’all dont complain now – we are among friends around here
kwa kweli mvumilivu hula mbivu. i’m quite honoured to be 2nd. Off to read!
at this rate of creating new parties every time a fly lands on shit every village in Kenya might just end up with its own party…. just a suggestion maybe someone can create a tree (sort of like a family tree) and put in parties (present and defunct) and their respective members, that way we can see which rolling stones have no shame on rukaing from one end to the other just before election time. And the cycle continues…..
Hmm. DRC has 33 pres candidates and 5K parliamentary ones and we’re chuckling coz we think it funny. We’re definitely on that same path here though … now every wash-out in Kenya that isn’t already in the August house will be offering themselves up pretty soon so they too can cream off the pie what with the fat paychecks, generous allowances, access to the state tills and coffers and non-existent workdays. It’ll continue unless good professional (wo)men like you and I stop watching and sniggering and present themselves for public office.
Nambari tano.
A politician by any other party is just as stinky.
LOLS
Anyway truly said,.why a new party? Why?
God bless us and surely rid us of all those.
Aah DRC, my friend tells me there are no roads connecting towns you have to fly…
What happened to PPP or something to that effect? Noticed Tuju was on the frontline launching DP Kenya having abandoned his own new born party -free-from-any-tribal- affiliations-and- feelings.
What will the new party achieve that they weren’t able to achieve with the existing parties that they previoulsy belonged to? Politicians must think we’re all very stupid
They are all looking for power and money..for themselves I mean. What will the mwanachi do eh?
Yaani we have a nuclear reactor in africa.
very interesting link. a alot of things i didnt know about DRC.
Back to our own domestics. Politicians politicians im telling you we had better revert back to a monarch system where we have one ashole rulling and his word is law. at least we may feel completely helpless and know there is nothing we can do about it.
“Suddenly discover that your stomach obscures your view of your toes? Defect.” lol … too funny.
nyce post
The most stinking thing is that the government or its the new party paid Shs 2.8m for airing the stupid thing. Am just fed up with the whole Kenyan politics…
they have a lousy slogan…ati ‘maua’ is the rejoinder!! maybe thats the party’s true spirit, just like a flower, it will soon wither away. i wonder what better option we have anyway, kanu?,ldp?. kenyans will be singing their voices hoarse for these tribal goons come next year. its the way of elections in kenya unless the vijana tugutuke forum rises to the occasion.
Dude,
What do you expect from these guys. You know that prayer about the power to change shit and the serenity to accept that which you cant… or something? Well , there you go. Pray for serenity. I’ve given up.
Oh snap!Just missed the top 10!Oh well that’s what I get for trying to work first thing when I come into the office.I do feel you that it is the politcians and the parties that are not the problem.It is amazing how politicians in Kenya can blame tribe for their own shortcomings and failures.
If you cant get something done or wont get it done just blame the tribe X and their politicians.I think that makes a strong case for why the government shouldn fund political parties as these muppets will start a new party every weeks so as to dip into public funds!
Have you forgotten that the MPs used to hang out in the Parliament bar so much that the Speaker had it closed during seatings, plus there are those who go and hide in the toilet when questions about their Ministry come up and being the nitwits that they are, they have no idea what goes on in said Ministry.
Since there is a chic from the DRC in this uni I am going to read that article and have a good old time poking some fun at her!
As for Off2hunt I think that we need a Kenyan version ASAP!
HERE HERE!!
M, you hit the nail on its head.. “its not the party that’s tribal, its the people in it” how true and how sad!
P.S I have family in DRC and you wouldn’t believe that there are peeps still hiding in the forests with their kidoz and they can’t come out yet
Enjoy your week and keep ‘em coming.
kwani some pple live here…I’m not talking about you Guess.. just saying
“A politician by any other party is just as stinky.” ain’t this the truth..this recycling business has to stop.
Great post!
as usual hilarious!
and the launch must have cost millions, where did the money come from? how many anglo leasing type deals haven’t we heard about?
Dude, si you know what I think we should do? Ebu we call that Saudi dude we know!!
Brilliant post, as usual.
gotta maketop 10 nxt time..M si u be givin me leakage?
as for those 220+ comedian in that Augustor is it A Ghast house….the sooneri get them offmy mind the better i’ll sleep….a third of my salo goesto comedians……only in kenya!
yeah wat wld i do to have access to ur entire playlist…..still want to know yourdaily route to work
Read about Shaggy’s torture in DRC….wldnt wanna go there at all!
Give a dog a bad name. You name a party Narc and expect it not to behave like G-Unit?
“….the internet is a revolutionary fishing device”
i really hope like minded people are gearing to teach these clowns a lesson come 2007.As for DRC, we shouldnt be surprised coz we might soon find ourselves there from the look of things.
Q to all: can anyone ever get more dumber than a Kenyan MP?
Need I add anything? I’m expecting a recess over World Cup…
I know its not funny but you had me cracked up, i am saddened though by the 1/3 of the salo going to these idlers.
Went to the site am now hooked.
M, I could not agree with you more … the fickle nature of our MPs does not cease to amaze me. What to do, though? We don’t want to vote, we want to complain.
When we decide that we need to vote because it is our democratic right, we decide to let others make our decisions for us.
M, truth be told, we are so lazy that it’s going to take us more than just a new political outfit (or two, including ODM), to teach us the expense of our laxity.
Boohoo!
I have been following the development of “Mzalendo-eye on Kenyan Parliament” with excitement.
I am so excited that I cannot help but overreach with some unwanted advice.
Poleni lakini niko na tabia mbaya, kwani si mimi ni mkenya ala.
My proposal is simple enough. Why don’t you introduce a badge of endorsement/ recommendation that you would include with the biographies of MPs that have signed up to some 5 or so core value?
what does one require in order to registered so as to aspire for a sit in the year 2007 through vijana tugutuke or rather get involve in compeign? av been trying to look for information frow the web but culd not get. will u mind sendin me thru email the answers? thanx
if i wanted to come up with a song that enlightens vijanaa on taking up their rightful positions in kenyan politics, can i get sponsor support from your organisition?
every time i sit infront of Tv 2 watch news i get pissed off by the political vomit from the fat cats,its our our time yes but men where do get funds 2 kick them out. will someone otta there recommend a political party 4 me with a youth agenda.
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