Some people are naturally very intelligent. Other people work hard at it. Others are both. Think Albert Einstein. Stephen Hawking. Galileo Gallilei. Leonardo Da Vinci. The chap who came up with sliced bread.

But since nature believes in balance, there must exist individuals on the other side of the balance. People dumber than fencing posts. People as thick as molasses in January. People so dense they have their own center of gravity. People without the sense to hit the water if they fell out of a boat.

By some stroke of ill fortune, almost all of them seem to have found employment in the NARC government, but that’s OK. A transition from a highway robber or a shouting tout to a Cabinet minister is nothing if not inspiring to other mere mortals like us.

And then I read this article in the press and laugh until tears come to my eyes at the evidence that there is stiff competition to our noble leaders.

The headline stuns enough for you to reach out to the nearest object firmly moored to the earth for support.

DP to support Kibaki, even on ODM-K ticket

And then you start reading the evidence that when God was offering brains, brawn and beauty, some people asked for biscuits, beef jerky and broth.

President Mwai Kibaki will not be replaced as the Democratic Party of Kenya chairman even if he decamps to ODM Kenya, the party has announced.

The DP national executive council meeting yesterday also resolved that the party would support Mr Kibaki as a presidential candidate in next year’s General Election, regardless of his party.

Grabbing the top of my head to keep it from exploding, and sitting down on a hard, firm chair, I read some more

Addressing a press conference at the party’s headquarters in Nairobi yesterday, the officials led by deputy secretary-general George Nyamweya said they had no plans of subjecting the chairman to elections, since they trusted him.

Grimly ploughing along Nitwit Boulevard, the officials rush towards their doom

“We will support him for the presidential seat even if he runs on an ODM-Kenya ticket,” said Mr Nyamweya . The officials said DP would not dissolve.

And with a final hint as to why the quality of the gene pool is not as high as we would like it to be, the final Dam Buster assault crashes into the Tirpitz of our credulity

The DP constitution disqualifies the President from continuing to hold chairmanship after declaring support for another party.

I cannot recall the last time I laughed until tears came to my eyes. Read the sordid details here (Free registration required)

Passionately resisting attempts from the public to usurp their authority as Doyens Of The Dense are various employees who earn their bread and butter on the sweat of the working Kenyan.

GAFFE GALORE

Most homes have a plaque along the following lines hung in the dining room or the sitting room

An enterprising Kenyan could make good money selling a plaque reading as follows to the subordinates of His Excellency The President Mwai Kibaki

This will work wonders for individuals like the ever so infamous Security Minister John Michuki, Former Constitutional Affairs Minister Kiraitu Murungi, Former Finance Minister David Mwiraria and now Constitutional Minister Martha Karua, who had the nerve temerity gall audacity cojones to lie with a perfectly straight face that scandals like Anglo Leasing had nothing to do with the NARC Government.

Uh huh!

It will also work well for gaffe machines like Government Court Jester Clown Comic Spokesman Alfred Mutua and Ambassador Peter Oginga Ogego who are doing for Kenya’s foreign relations with the US what the Ku Klux Klan did for black-white relations.

WTF OF THE DAY

Apparently George Walker Bush and Jakaya Mrisho Kikwete met and over warm tea and Cerelac, discussed Kenya’s stability or lack thereof. I’m still trying to bend my mind around that one.

PIC OF THE DAY

En Vogue – Hold On