Many a time, under introspection induced by a good meal and a cold drink, I find myself applying new lens to old problems. Or looking at things a bit differently.
I highly recommend it because a new look at old things generally brings them out in a somewhat … interesting manner?
Let us take the case of Job. Of all the stories I
suffered through listened to in Sunday School, which at my young age I considered a total waste of a good Sunday morning, the one I remember most was job.
For those of us not familiar with the facts, Job was a gentleman that went through quite the tribulations but he kept his cool
Some years back I thought about the whole thing a little differently and this is how it went.
Date & Time: Way, way, WAY back then
Cast: 1 (One) God, 1 (one) Devil, 1 (one) Job, 2 (two) Angels we’ll call Dark and Peter. Dark is the Devil’s sidekick and (St) Peter is head of the Admissions department
Director’s Notes: God has to be one, what being omnipresent and all. The Devil has to be one or it would be confusing. Job has to be one because having more than one Job is very stressful for everyone.
Scene: Heaven. Devil enters, wiping brow
God: Ah, Earl
Devil: G’day. What’s poppin? And I know you created me and all, but I’m not fond of the name Earl.
God: You’re the Earl of Hell, aren’t you?
Devil: Well, yes, but still … call me Ruby
God: (Smiling) Ruby?
Peter: (Indignantly) Ruby?!
Devil: (Fidgeting) Yes, Ruby
God: All right then, Ruby. How’s Hell
Devil: (Wiping brow) A mite warm, I must confess.
Peter: (Sotto Voice) The roof,
the roof is on fire!
Dark: (Outraged) Hey hey! I heard that!
Devil: Don’t you find it boring, sitting up here all day playing those ridiculous harps?
God: My good man, don’t knock it until you try it. You seem to forget you were in the boy’s choir until you broke your voice
Peter: Didn’t break it enough from the sound of things! Sounds like a girl.
Devil: (Colouring) No, I DO NOT sound like a girl.
God: Your falsetto is quite fetching … you really should reconsider …
Devil: (Shrilly) I refuse to discuss my voice any further.
Dark: Yes. Besides playing those pansy harps, what do you DO all day?
God: Said the angel with fluffy wings on his back
Devil: (Opening mouth)
God: What do you have in mind?
Devil: (Angrily) Will you STOP that omnipotent thing?
Dark: (With interest) Omnipotent?
God: (Shaking head) What oh what am I going to do with you Eustace?
Dark: (Indignantly) There is no Eustace! Only Dark.
God: Well Eustace, omnipotence is not what you think it is, my son, not nearly
Dark: (Crestfallen) oh, ok
Devil: Anyway, I have an idea to make things a bit more interesting. Let’s have a …
Devil: Will you stop that?
God: (Smiling) OK my good man. Put your pitchfork down and give me your thoughts
Devil: Well … Let’s find a chap. Say … (Looking earthwards) That one.
Devil: That will work.
God: Let me play along. And then what?
Devil: I think this business of following your way no matter what is a chocolate teapot, banana oil, stuff and nonsense. I bet he’d think jolly differently about your roles if he was up, if you’ll pardon the expression, shit creek
God: Very well. You’re on.
And poor Job was blissfully unaware that he was an unwitting participant in one of the first recorded wagers in history
STOP PRESS : BREAKING NEWS
The Kenya Bureau of Standards has with immediate effect banned the selling of second hand
ngothas underwear. If your ass (ha ha!) is caught selling second hand underwear you’d better have 10,000 bob somewhere on you
WTF OF THE DAY
Hawkers can and do sell anything it would seem! I gots to get me one of those!