You must be living under a rock, or you have no friends (even the type to send annoying forwards) not to have read this little gem

Safaricom is looking for Kenyans working in the US and the UK who would be interested in meeting us to discuss career prospects especially Engineers, however, we will meet any other professional Kenyans who are interested in returning home to work. We will be going to Birmingham, UK the first week of August and to Atlanta in the US during the second week of August.

Let anyone you may know in the US & the UK send me their C.V and I will send them a formal invite along with specific details of where we will be for interviews.

Thanks.

Njeri Kinyanjui

Resourcing Manager

Safaricom Ltd

Tel: 4273527, email:NKinyanjui - at- Safaricom.co.ke

When I received this a few months ago I dismissed it as completely preposterous and deleted it immediately. But like flies to parliament or politicians to a septic tank it kept popping up in my inbox.

And then I read that Ory and Steve Ntwiga have had similar reservations about this little email, that looks like a colossal gaffe on Safaricom’s part.

There are so many things wrong with it it is difficult to know where to start

  1. Most companies have some sort of vetting and approval process of anything that goes out into the public. This process will catch a number of things like:
      • Inaccuracies
      • Ambiguity
      • Shoddy grammar
      • Lack of clarity
  2. A company sweeping looking for “Kenyans working in the UK and the US” and ignoring those working in Germany, Papua New Guinea, Kazakhstan, Barbados, SeaLand and God Forbid, Kenyans working in KENYA needs a swift kick in the seat of the pants. What, pray tell, is wrong with other Kenyans? I like to think that we Kenyans living in Kenya have opposable thumbs and binocular vision and are at least able to walk and chew gum at the same time.
  3. The fact that Safaricom sending its staff to Birmingham and Atlanta to recruit sounds to me that there are people quite adept and manoeuvering themselves into glorious joyriding trips, funded by the company. These are apparently called junkets (Steve, every day I learn something new!) The itemized bills incurred in the recruitment ought to make for some interesting reading.
  4. A company looking for employees whose only criteria is working in the UK and the US, needs another swift kick to the seat of the pants. Either someone is getting a handsome commission on fresh bodies delivered to the payroll or Safaricom has the most forgiving employment criteria on the planet. Clearly it has little interest in prospective employees’
      • Qualifications. Reading, Riting and Rithmetic are good enough.
      • Work Experience. Apparently you don’t need any.
      • What they actually can do. According to the email, any other professionals such as Butchers, fishmongers, practitioners in the field of animal husbandry and pooper scoopers are eligible to be in Safaricom’s gainful employment.

Of course the entire email could have been a fraud, but then again Safaricom are yet to issue a press release on the statement. Plus some judicious inquiries on my part, as well as reading Steve’s post on the issue leads me to believe otherwise.

Safaricom is a company that circumstances force me to tolerate. I have had problems with each and every one of their services, from pre-paid, to post-paid, to GPRS. Their customer care (if any) is legendary for their lethargy. Their boss thinks we are peculiar (But then again our president thinks we are idiots)

Even today I am yet to receive a satisfactory response to the question why you are still charged for an SMS that Safaricom itself merrily informs you it has not delivered. Audacity and temerity are the words of choice that come to mind. At my last insistence I was informed that what I am actually being charged for is the sending of the SMS from my phone to Safaricom’s message center.

That’s about as ridiculous as UPS or DHL charging me for only for delivery from my premises to their headquarters. If they set  it on fire or gremlins eat it — ah well! Tough luck

Yet somehow despite all this they somehow deliver 12 billion shilling profits. There must be something that we are missing.

Be that as it may the resourcing department needs to get serious. Really. Because something stinks. Especially since their site speaks fondly about their “dedication and professionalism of our staff“. Uh huh!

If you did go to the “interview” and are now working for Safaricom, leave a comment.

And speaking of getting serious, Popote Wireless is another company that needs a swift kick to the seat of the pants. Of all the subscribers that I have spoken to, every single one of them subscribed for Internet access, which was the princely sum of 1 shilling a minute. The initial cost was about 17,000 for the necessary hardware.

And as a Christmas bonus to its customers they have trebled their rates, and now you are expected to pay 3 shillings a minute. If anyone from Popote is reading this:

Na na na na,
na na na na,
hey hey hey,

GOODBYE

Now, back to usual programming. Cabinet Tales IV has been crying out for posting …. But later later. Next up — M’s 2006 Annual Awards

AOB

And in other news, (only in Kenya!) it is cheaper to call a Safaricom line from Celtel. Rock on!

Norah Jones - Come Away With Me