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Action Drama: The Githongo Tapes

Posted January 24th, 2007 in Hubbub, Theater by M

It must be very different being a nabob in the Mwai Kibaki administration. I say this for a number of reasons. Just imagine:

  1. Cabinet meetings replete with pistol like shots of elderly knees, elbows and knuckles cracking like fireworks
  2. An atmosphere thick with the smell of Kiwi shoe polish, the ultimate victor over grey hair
  3. Working in an environment of such a proliferation of false teeth, glass eyes, false nails and even false alarms that it is necessary to have a comprehensive checklist
  4. Working with ministers who have the vague suspicion that the Internet is used to catch Interfish

Few things are as amusing as three fellows launching an initiative for the youth, when said three fellows have a collective experience of a quarter a millennium between them. Fellows whose ID numbers are as follows: 0000001, 0000002 and 0000003.

I’d especially hate to be a nabob in that particular administration now, an administration that goes from strength to strength when it comes to never missing opportunities to miss opportunities. Bill Clinton was undoubtedly a popular US president who left a legacy in many ways, good and bad. Even the most junior politician with the intelligence quotient of a bowl of soup learnt in the wake of Linda Tripp and Monica “DNA” Lewinsky affair that folks have a nasty habit of leaving tape recorders on during discussion of the most interesting topics.

And with the proliferation of high powered, sophisticated technology to disseminate content such as Winamp, and bandwidth friendly audio formats such as mp3s, such content can make its way to the desktops, laptops, ipods and blank CDs at your favourite CD pirating cybercafe.

It is such a scenario that confronts the hapless NARC regime. The rapt attention that Kenyans hold 24 and Prison Break is nothing to that they have for The Githongo Tapes. 

If you want to experience the felling that is going through fellows whose job titles includes the word “Minister”, just imagine yourself riding a violent horse bareback while wearing yellow y-fronts filled with coarse sand while your mother, the woman you’re trying to convince you’re Mr Right and 30 of your high school classmates who considered you the laughing stock of the century watch on howling in amusement. 

Just last week, Smilin’ Amos Wako, he of the 60 teeth, rather pompously declared that Kiraitu Murungi and David Mwiraria had been cleared of attempting to cover up the Anglo Leasing scandal. 

The news must have come as a welcome relief to Kiraitu Murungi. I can picture him now putting down the anthology of his truly atrocious poetry (poetry that when read out loud makes you want to hold the top of  your head to keep it from exploding) upon receiving the welcome news. I can also picture his shoulders shaking, his teeth coming out to play as he laughs even harder than he did shortly after he told a stunned nation that donor behavior was like raping a woman who was already willing.

David Mwiraria must have been no less relieved at the news. Climbing onto the pavement from the road with the aid of climbing gear, and minding that he does not get stepped on by passing reporters, it is easy to picture him, colour clashing cap on his head, giving thanks. 

Smilin’ Wako is still smiling his smile (and small children are being kept busy to count all his teeth) when “Sheriff” John Githongo drops the bomb, about the size of the one Walker Bush is trying to find in Eye-Raq.

Mwiraria: Mmm..

Githongo: My initial thinking…[Interrupted by Mwiraria]

Mwiraria: No! no! Bwana Githongo..

Githongo: Mmm..

Mwiraria: Hii kitu…(This thing)

Githongo: Mmm..

Mwiraria: If we are not careful..

Githongo: Mmm…

Mwiraria: Will come down with our Government…..

Githongo: Mmm..

Mwiraria: What I am suggesting..

Githongo: Mmm…

Mwiraria: Why don’t you…

Githongo: Mmm..

Mwiraria: and Anti-Corruption, and I am saying this in your presence Mweshimiwa (Honorable, referring to Kiraitu)…

Githongo: Mmm..

Mwiraria: drop this matter…

Githongo: Mmm..

Mwiraria: I will get..

Githongo: Mmm…

Mwiraria: to the root of the matter, I will find out who it is..

Githongo: Mmm…

Mwiraria: in my own way?

Githongo: Mmm…

Mwiraria: Ya… I have not appraised it?but I will find out exactly…ya…that information.

Githongo: Mmm…

Mwiraria: We start harassing Ojiambo…ya….

Githongo: Mmm…

Mwiraria: you never know…

Githongo: What he might say..

Mwiraria: What he might say..and who else…

Githongo: he will pick on…

Mwiraria: he will pick on…and who he will go down with Anglo Leasing…..

….Kiraitu: Mmm…He was released?

Githongo: He was released, yes.

Mwiraria: Was he held?!

Githongo: He was held….he was arrested…he was officially arrested yesterday…at around four o’clock until he was released at nine in the evening.

Kiraitu: Did he record a statement?

Githongo: Emm…I do not think so…

Mwiraria: Did he give you any information?….Why don’t we do this Mweshimiwa (Honourable, [to Kiraitu]…

Kiraitu: Mmm?

Mwiraria: …as I said…I wrote a memo ? which is interesting… You know when I came…and we talked here…. nilipigia Magari (I called Magari, the Treasury PS) …there is a day I came from Kampala and I found Magari had just gone to the PAC (Parliamentary Accounts Committee) and he had said he knew Anglo Leasing so when I went back, I told you why I talked to H.E (His Excellency), H.E wanted information before I went back…asked for information…I got the contract, I went through it, and the memo to H.E. ….And H.E. agreed that you should try and get back the money. So I found out from my officers who know where the other money had come from… I didn’t even ask them to give me the names. So I said, go and see them?tell them…. tunataka hio ingine (we want that other stuff)…the money is now in the Central Bank. It has been returned now.

Kenyans listened with rapt attention as a trusted Minister of the Kibaki administration attempted to convince the Anti-Corruption czar to drop his investigations.

The actual interview needs to be listened on tape to appreciate its full hilarity. Mwiraria sounds like a embarrassed small boy who is an unwilling audience of an embarrassed talk about the birdies and the bees from an even more unwilling father.

Kenyans looking for NARC to guide this country out of the morass of corruption have about the same chances of success as Israelites would have had if they wanted Pharaoh to lead them out of Egypt.

Hollow promises to ruthlessly prosecute corruption continue to echo 5 years after Kibaki bellowed his determination to pursue the corrupt to the end. We were promised there were no sacred cows but at present cabinet meetings are routinely punctuated with a series of mooing and lowing.

In the cabinet right now sit two cabinet ministers tainted by corruption, as well as our smug Vice President, under whose docket the passports scandal squarely fell.

A commission was created to pursue the corrupt, and Justice Aaron Ringera, who repeatedly claims that he will be indefatigable in the pursuit of the corrupt, has put his skills to indefatigably pursue the wind. For this we pay the man 2.4 million shillings. Question: can Ringera investigate his way out of a paper bag?

We await the next episode of the series with bated breath

PIC OF THE DAY

The Logo we know. The name …

Ciara – Promise

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  • http://gathara.blogspot.com Patrick Gathara

    Joe,
    Perhaps it is more likely that the economy would have grown by 10% if the government wasn’t so busy stealing from its citizens.

    If Githongo has broken any laws then he should be prosecuted for that. However I am yet to hear of an extradition request from the Kenyan government to the British. In fact, the Kenyan authorities went all the way over there to interview this supposed traitor, not about his supposedly treacherous behaviour, but about the allegations he made. That leads me to think that allegations of treason are just hogwash. And even assuming Githongo’s guilt, surely going after him and ignoring the behaviour of senior government Ministers in this affair is straining the gnat and swallowing the camel.

    Mwiraria himself admitted to signing the documents so your branding others ignorant is a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

    Alexcia,
    I must say I am surprised by your take on this. Githongo hasn’t signed away any of our cash (as far as I know anyway) but you judge him as worse than Mwiraria who has. That the latter got back the money may be a factor when deciding his punishment (one that doesn’t carry too much weight with me seeing as he only did so when he was caught), but it does not negate the initial crime.

  • http://www.vituvingisana.blogspot.com VituVingiSana

    M – some housekeeping issues… why is my blog not linked???
    I might have to ask joe call his masters in the state house to make a visit!

    I am sure the current crop of geezers are waiting for a chance to ‘ban’ the internet! Fortunately for us the cat is out of the bag esp with Celtel & Safaricom having their own gateways instead of the pathetic Jambonet.

    Joe – Look into yourself. No-one hates kibz as a person (I think he is a far better person than dan ‘idiot’ moi) BUT he has squandered our goodwill to REFORM the government.

    Forget KANU’s misdeeds… it was the continuation of these misdeeds that GALLS Kenyans! I don’t care about ODM but we want TRANSPARENCY. It is our money. It is our lives. It is our kids’ lives.

    I value my life or my child’s life over anyone else’s & that includes kibz. So STOP stealing food & medicines from me & mine. PERIOD.

  • http://udi-m.blogspot.com Udi

    M- So on point. I dont even understand why people are trying to over analyse the case at hand. This is not a he say she say matter. The fools were caught on tape. Why people are vigrously defending them makes me puzzled especially since the crooks themselves know opening their mouths would be throwing themselves from the pan into the fire.

  • http://chrenyan.wordpress.com Chrenyan

    1. From Patrick:
    Perhaps it is more likely that the economy would have grown by 10% if the government wasn’t so busy stealing from its citizens.

    Now that is what I call a trenchant argument.

    2. “Mwiraria did not sign any documents”? Now that’s about as selective as it gets…

  • I

    Kibaki in my view needs to go.. and for only one reason.. he has not even begun to keep the promise he made TO BE elected, TACKLE CORRUPTION.

    Iregardless of how many Jobs have been created and how many kids are going to school for free, this things would have come to Kenyas anyway if corrption is eradicated.
    So no, dude does not deserve a pat on the back neither does he deserve to be congratulated.. he still NEEDS to take care of what he was elected to take care of.. and if he cannot do that, he needs to let someone else who can.

    PS… O

  • I

    P.S One can never have enuff money.. we all keep wanting more…

  • joe

    LOL.. lets not argue for the sake of arguing the tapes dont say anything .Ask any lawyer .most of you are basing your convictions on other unrelated pieces of information from elsewhere and deep assumptions that you have .those tapes could be about anything angloleasing isnt even mentioned in the tapes .

    Its like this kibaki is hear to stay. like it or not we are going to have another 5 years of the man . those of you who dont like it too bad for you .the next 5 years are going to be very sad for you . you can keep talking .philosophizing ,complaining ,insulting whimparing lakini its 5 more years Get with the program

    6% economic grown,free education ,healthcare ,500k jobs plus 16% growth in agriculture,growth in tourism and all sectors of kenyan life .5 more years people 5 more years .those who feel they cant stand it uganda will be glad to have you but in kenya its kibaki mpaka 2012

  • http://www.timesnews.co.ke/30jan07/nwsstory/opinion2.html mogi yusuf
  • http://alexcia.blogspot.com/ alexcia

    @ Gathara and Ichiena
    Of course i am extremely disappointed by the goings on in my motherland. I abhor corruption in all its manifestations.

    I am not trying to defend anyone here, just having an open discussion of what these tapes mean to the MWANAINCHI.

    Ichiena asks “So should we all sit back and do nothing about it?”
    I mean, other than write blog comments what have we actaully done? How effective was it?

    At the end of the day, we still have a democracy in the country, for better or worse.
    In a democracy the only institution that can effectively deal with the excesses at the top is the ballot!

    This year Kenyans, ALL kenyans, will again get a chance to make their bed, and after that they will have to lie in it.

  • http://alexcia.blogspot.com/ alexcia

    @ M
    The reason i am not making a song and dance about this latest twist is that it is not NEWS – to me atleast-!!!
    I am not surprised- but still very disappointed- with what is going on in Kenyan politics.

    The name of the game now is to get the old man out OR… or…take up American Idol

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  • http://haidhuru.blogsome.com Mutumia

    Me? I’m still chuckling at the poetry that you linked… ati slim buttocks and whatnots… *smh*…

    PS.
    Do you think that if it were not for shallow remarks like the one that I just made , our economy would have grown by at least 17.56 % (plus of minus 2 standard deviations?)

  • http://tallb.wordpress.com/ aegeus

    Hey M. Joining hands with Muts…on point M…as usual…great post…the comments…whichever direction…bout or not…informative…and nice new look…beautiful! Yum! yum!

  • http://www.eastafrican1.blogspot.com/ eastafrican

    Githongo should have been taping 10 downing blair if defacating on shoes wacha vomiting

    http://www.eastafrican1.blogspot.com/

  • http://justsue.wordpress.com Sue

    Whatever happened to the ithongo case.. Why do court-cases take solong to get resolved?? I wonder where we’re headed for.
    Whoever our next president will be, I hope they won’t scandalise like that in such a short span of time…
    Sometimes I feel like hama-ing Kenya…