Person Of The Year

He may have passed away but my man of 2006 is David Munyakei. Not because of anything he actively did in 2006 per se but because of the example he showed us, that no matter how inglorious, no matter how thankless, no matter at what cost we should always do the right thing. Because that is the only way we will change our country.

In this era of greedy, self seeking politicians of loose integrity and even looser morals, David Munyakei is a shining example to all of us of what it means to be a good patriot and a good man.

Rest In Peace.

Ass Of The Year

Without a doubt this goes, yet again, without contest to the Kenyan Politician. A more thoroughly deceitful, conniving, lying individual cannot be imagined. When not agitating strongly for increments of their own salaries they are orating from raised platforms calling us idiots, giving us pompous advice about how we should work hard and continuing to sow the seeds of nepotism and tribalism that further divide this country.

Ladies and gentlemen, may you all take a long walk off a short pier.

Special dedication to MP Paddy Ahenda who told stunned Kenyans that women actually mean yes when they say no

Foot In Mouth

John “The Snake Charmer” Michuki has the dubious distinction of winning this one, romping home in first, second and third position

  1. Organizing and sanctioning the ludicrous raid on the Standard Newspapers and KTN offices
  2. Having the temerity to tell Kenyans (who employ him and pay his handsome salary) that if they play with snakes they had better prepare to be bitten
  3. Suggesting that the Kamba’s only occupation is dancing

Surprise of The Year

Maina Kamanda has been a pleasant surprise. Being elevated to a full Minister has done that gentleman a world of good. He no longer expresses himself in articulate Homo Habilis. He now walks upright most of the time and no longer peppers his grunts with speech. Quick on the uptake, he now firmly resists the call of bear skins and inclines towards Savile Row suits

Windbag Of The Year

Winning handsomely by a mile is Musikari Gabriel Kombo. Cocks in the Kombo household do not crow. Nor do crickets chirp. Nor do mosquitoes whine. This is because when the master is home, his voice filtering through the curtained windows puts man and beast alike to immediate and very deep slumber.

Hot Airbag Of The Year

Head, shoulders knees and toes above the competition is Aaron “Indefatigable” Ringera. This man produces enough hot air to generate his own electricity. Several years later only traffic policemen have been charged in court.

Chocolate Teapot Cliche Of The Year

This distinction goes to the statement whose meaning is conspicuous by its absence. The finalists there year are

“Government of National Unity“, from Messers Mwai Kibaki and co

“Spreading Negativity“, from the travesty of Acolyte being kicked off the aggregator

Clowns Of The Year

For the second year running the Kenya Football Federation take this one again by a mile. The people involved appear to have a collective IQ of 1 (if you round off to the nearest whole number). Our soccer team has willing and talented lads but spectacularly incompetent officials that would have difficulty finding their own backsides with a torch and binoculars.

WTF Of The Year

Kiraitu Murungi, who was caught on candid camera tape trying to convince anti-corruption czar John Githongo to “ngo srow” so they could “ngo srow” on his matter is back in the cabinet.

And so is George Saitoti who seems to have Goldenberg tattooed on his forehead. So much for no sacred cows!

Information That Adds Least Value To Our Lives

The composition of the First Family. Kenyans quite frankly do not give a flying rat’s ass who the members of the first family are. Really! Will this be the year we get a press release divulging whether the first underwear are y-fronts or boxer briefs?

Woman Not To Cross Of The Year

Rachel Dawson

Groan Of The Year

Carolers with obsessive compulsive disorder performed this past Christmas

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells,jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells,jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells,jingle bells, jingle bells,jingle bells, jingle bells,jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells

Quip The Most People Didn’t Get

Try again! Which is Martha Karua’s favourite Series?

AOB

With regards to that meetup — those of us who were there can attest to this. My man Aegeus’ jeans were sagged so low that at every careless turn the guy made, people at the table would turn into werewolves! Boss, be careful!

Awards 2005

Outkast - GhettoMusick