[EDIT]

As I write this there are some very puzzled parents unsure of what to make of their current status quo.

Imagine if you will, as a proud father of your son, and the fruit of your loins appears unannounced with official correspondence in his hand and a tear in his eye.

Imagine still more opening said correspondence and reading the following:

Mr Hugh Jass *
P.O. Box xxxxxxx
Nairobi, Kenya

Mr Lard Dass *,
Headmaster,
Ndururumo* Secondary School

Dear Sir,

We are suspending your son because it has come to our attention that he is too fully equipped too adequately protected from the elements wearing polo necks in the era of v-necks in possession of more than he needs downstairs a tad too covered far too modest for his own good not circumcised.

We find this to be an unfortunate state of affairs, and I hasten to emphasize that it with a heavy heart that I am sending your son home. Let me cut to the chase get to the meat of the matter get to the point.  You will need to get your son’s –er– equipment attended to, such that he is in conformity with his fellows. He may be thick skinned able to ride rough shod over life resistant to peer pressure but there is only so much taunting one can take from his friends.

Once you have cut the Gordian knot cut down this obstacle beheaded this behemoth performed the required operation, your son is welcome to resume his studies at his convenience.

Regards.

Lard Dass

If I were a Hugh Jass, my response would be as follows:

Mr Lard Dass *,
Headmaster,
Ndururumo* Secondary School

Mr Hugh Jass *
Father
Nairobi, Kenya

Dear Sir,

It is with quite some consternation that I read your letter. A certain 3 letter acronym comes to mind, the first being W and the last being F.

Let me make it brief: I shall draw your attention to the following issues

1. How did you ascertain the status of my son’s — er — equipment?
2. See #1
3. See #2
4. How fast does a headmaster on foot need to travel to get away from an angry man driving at 190km/h
5. You are a doofus

Regards

Hugh

*Names changed to protect identities

Only in Kenya, my friends, only in Kenya

PIC OF THE DAY

Mahiakalo area assistant chief, Amos Ngaira whips suspects after he raided their home in Bukhulunya village Kakamega district and recovered property worth Sh100,000 believed to have been stolen.

Blink 182 – I Miss You