Ladies and gentlemen, I am deeply troubled. There is being out of the loop and then there is being out of the loop.
This morning, I sat down for a nice breakfast with today’s paper and imagine my surprise on reading that I was shot by the police at 2:00 AM on Tuesday morning! You can imagine my acute consternation! Todate no one has had the decency to tell me to my face that I had been shot dead in Athi-River! So I have been happily going around my business alive and kicking!
The whole fiasco has made me rearrange my perspective on just who my friends are! I mean, letting me walk around in robust health, enjoying healthy meals and cold drinks, allowing me to be the very epitome of good cheer all the while neglecting to tell me that I had been riddled with bullets the night before, and my body is on a cold slab at the City Mortuary! You just don’t know who you can trust anymore!
Comic Of The Day
Let no one accuse Dr. Alfred ‘Babyface’ Mutua and the Kibaki administration of lacking in humour. They have just issued a PDF booklet that enumerates the achievement of the Kibaki Government. This document is 56 pages long, and I leave it to you, dear reader, as an exercise, to tell me just how many of those pages are photographs of Baba Jimmy. I like to think there is a vast difference between Lucy’s husband and the Government of this country!
That state funded Kibaki campaign document collection of achievements has made me forget my untimely demise, because it is the poster child for rose coloured glasses. Among the many gems contained therein is this one:
Yes, women, you have been guaranteed A THIRD of all public employment opportunities. I’ll give you a chance to name any public institution administration and tell me just what percentage are women. Also, O ye mothers and children, Emilio and his administration list as one of their achievements, recognizing you as key players in development!
It even documents some ambitious projects that must turn Europe and America green with envy – we have built an airport for our fish!
Doofus Of The Day
Ndimu Kamangu went to court to secure, among other things, his conjugal rights from Bishop Margaret Wanjiru. Very conveniently around Valentine’s Day … Apparently, flowers and chocolate are no longer foolproof. No doubt our Bishop will never read the verse “For no man knoweth the hour of the coming of the son of man” quite the same way again!
Notorious B.I.G & KoRn – Wake Up