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Boring Cricket? Add A Dead Body

Posted March 24th, 2007 in Sports by M

Cricket is one of those games I personally don’t give a flying rat’s ass about. Really. The word ‘runs’ brings to mind loud and violently explosive activity from your Southern Border while seated primly on the white throne. I have no idea whether there are unders to complement the overs. I can’t think of a more doofusy game than one that breaks for the day and comes back tomorrow.

Many friends have bravely tried and failed to explain to me the workings of the game. We seldom get past the doofus looking running and bowling, and the antics of the gentleman attempting to bat, moving in a manner that suggests any sudden movement will cause a totally different set of runs to manifest themselves in the batsman’s trousers.

My attempts to replace ‘boring’ in my vocabulary with ‘cricket’ have been largely unsuccessful, but I am nothing if not optimistic.

However, cricket has suddenly become interesting, now that there are intrigues like corruption, gambling and murder. Ladies and gentlemen, we have an Agatha Christie mystery in the making. Consider that we have:

  1. An exotic location (Jamaica)
  2. Police officers with a fascinating accent (Jamaican police)
  3. An eccentric elderly man (the Pakistani team’s cricket coach)
  4. A dead body (see above) found in a hotel room
  5. Lots of suspects with motive

Nothing can make cricket as interesting!

 

AOB

Resist the temptation to try and pitch to me the goodness of cricket. It won’t work. Really.

I WISH OF THE DAY

Oh if the doofuses we call our leaders could display such selflessness!

WTF OF THE DAY

Apparently people who live in cooler climates, like Geroge Bush, have bigger brains than those of us who live in warmer climates. Uh huh!

The Game & Kanye West – Wouldn’t Get Far

  • http://bankelele.blogspot.com bankelele

    It’s a shame that it took a murder to get you to watch this wonderful game – but the Pakistan boys did what they had to do.

    Shades of OJ here. They should play back video of Pakistan’s last match and watch the reaction of the players to the “moment of silence” for the coach

    “Cricket is chess brought to real life and makes soccer look like checkers.”

    Chess? Chess! Or do you mean bano?
  • http://tallb.wordpress.com aegeus

    A guy, we are in the same boat, and with the furore about sijui World cup and matches lasting from 4pm till 2am, how are you supposed to stay awake and still for that long? I can barely sit still for an episode of 24! You penned a very apt description of the game, perhaps if they introduced a time limit of some kind, or scratch that since its an enclosure, a full grown tiger or lion, heheheh, into the ring, sorry pitch, field, whatever, then you would have an avid fan. :-) And anyone, in the habit of trying to convert me, sorry its a waste of your valuable time, soon as you say cricket, mind wanders off in directions unknown. Cricket – any relation to the astonishingly annoying insect that if you have unfortunate occasion to have one visit, short of moving house – almost virtually impossible to locate? Heheheh!

    Someone should introduce speed cricket … half an hour and you’re done!

    It is sad about that dude being strangled though. I hope the Jomakan Police nab the culprit(s). Later M!

    Tings a tings a gwan!
  • http://tallb.wordpress.com aegeus

    I am in the top 50 groupies! Yaaay! **dance of joy, taking a screen-shot before the regulars appear and knock me off!**

    But for how long … :D
  • http://www.iexplor.blogspot.com kayliz

    I admit cricket isn’t any good as a sport but… well, but nothing.
    At least it will get some ‘airtime’ with the unfortunate death of the Pakistani coach.
    I’m eager to see how the investigation will be carried out and what they’ll unearth.

    Nothing like a good scandal to capture attention!
  • http://www.farmgal.wordpress.com Farmgal

    M I was going to try talk you into cricket untill I read tha whole post! It sure can be boring but its got its fun bits.

    It does? Where??
  • http://www.vituvingisana.blogspot.com vituvingisana

    To each his own… A pity they didn’t do better but oh, well… I am really getting into cricket esp the One Day game (yes, its is a one day game)…

    So think of a game where 20 guys (or gals or both) are running around trying to kick a ball… Why not have 2 balls? Makes for more excitement!

    Ara? Kwani how many balls are there in cricket?

    And why can only 2 players use their hands?

    Probably the same reason why only one can use a bat in cricket …

    Let’s call the game described above, Football, why are the players allowed to use their heads in more ways than one?

    The Americans are right about one thing… what’s the excitement when a final score of 2-0 is a “blowout”??? One could nap through 89 minutes and wake up to find the score is 0-0… huh?

    He he! You don’t want to come down this road!

    Rugby is far more exciting to watch.

    Parting shot – Kenyan Cricket supporters have more love for the KENYAN game than the “Kenyan” football supporters who latch onto Arsenal, ManU, etc… Heck, I suspect the reason for the pathetic situation in Kenya (KFF) is due to Kenyans apathy of all that is Kenyan!

    You’re probably right … this is a classic chicken-egg situation!

    Has M ever mentioned a local football team among the myriad posts?

    Has he indeed?
  • http://mountkirima.blogspot.com Kirima

    I never considered Cricket a sport until Kenya started getting good at it and I started cheering out of patriotism but I still didn’t understand it.

    The murder mystery in the Caribbean together with the gambling and book making sagas that have become associated with it surely puts to sleep that impression that cricket is a game played by immaculately dressed gentlemen who sip tea during breaks. It’s all about the MONEY!

    They even stick out their pinkies as they sip the tea!
  • Jogoo wa Shamba

    Got to admit also that i only do it for patriotism. heck i don’t know jack about cricket and i won’t even try now. guess some things are better left as they are

    Sleeping dogs are best left thus
  • No rhyme No reason

    I played cricket and love the sport. I understand that it is not an easy game for one to understand.

    Indeed!

    On the murder issue, it all has to do with the bookmakers. I will be vindicated once the investigation is over.

    =)) Are you a suspect?
  • njege

    i love that we a have a team in at least 1 world cup.

    on the other hand, any sport where guys wear white sweaters and break off for tea doesn’t really deserve the name ‘sport’. it sounds a bit too much like, say, knitting, for comfort.

    =)) That’s right. Paint a target on your back!
  • http://www.odeglenyanginv.blogspot.com/ odegle

    i never used to like cricket till i learn t the rules during the 1999 world cup. its a great sport. Once you learn it, you will not be worried about it taking 3 days to be over. in fact i find it more tactful than even rugby. you must strategies else you lose. but i think you need to develop the passion, just the same way you develop passion for watching people running

    Surely you jest! There can be no comparison between cricket and rugby!!!
  • http://mywordsonly.blogspot.com acolyte

    I for one am just as clueless as you when it comes to cricket. I think the fact that the dress up like they are going to watch a horse race and have tea at the country club before a quick game of croquets (in most cases) puts me off; but this case is rather interesting, the stuff of Agatha Christie novels.

    I’m waiting for suspects to surface…
  • http://mwanamishale.wordpress.com archer

    I don’t understand cricket either but hey! If Kenya’s playing then I’ll watch the match (er…ok the highlights on sports news the next day) and cheer for our boys.

    Cheer we will. But when the scores are read I for one have no idea who has won the bloody game!
  • http://www.ajkenswi.blogspot.com Adrian

    i read the match report after Kenya warn sijui against who – i only understood the lead. when they started talking about overs and runs and whatnot, aiiisshh – mimi siko…

    this much i know now; we need to get our team to test against better competition between tournaments.

    For some reason all our teams seem to falter when in the big leagues … stage fright perhaps?
  • msaniixl

    Yeah I do not understand the breaks either…any sport more than four hours ceases to be one in my own eyes….

    Can you imagine the All Blacks retiring for tea after 45 crushing minutes???

    lol@aco..dressing to watch horse races and having crumpets…

  • http://Nakeel.blogspot.com Nakeel

    M I still feel I can convince you to know the game and its fun.

    Blood from a stone my dear, blood from a stone!

    Cricket is run by Mafias and when you mess around they mess you too. I know it hurts but are guys waiting to be told these are the killers? What happened to former South Africa captain Hansie Cronje was it murder or plane crash?

    I love it its my sport.
    @Vituvingi only World cup and Champions Trophy and some test matches are One Dayers. The rest are three to four dayers ie Ashes and one for associates Intercontinental Trophy.

    Ati ashes? Is there also firewood and charcoal?
  • http://gishungwa.blogspot.com Gish

    i have tried lawd knows but like Msanii after 90 minutes am done so i will wait for the news next day. big brains bah!

    Does the news help? You still need to be told who won!
  • http://bomseh.wordpress.com Bomseh

    I only became interested in Cricket when I read somewhere that Kenya beat South Africa and all other teams and were waiting for New Zealand. Then I had something to brag about when these SA guys ask me funny(stupid) questions about Kenya(ns). I’m proud that we are getting recognition but I do not think the game is fun.

    Truly an acquired taste. A game that is not fun!
  • http://toiyoi.wordpress.com/2006/11/09/the-sir-charles-mugane-njonjo-memorial-hospital-kisumu/ toiyoi

    On why our doofuses will not be charitable, i have a theory at http://toiyoi.wordpress.com/2006/11/09/the-sir-charles-mugane-njonjo-memorial-hospital-kisumu/

  • http://justsue.wordpress.com Sue

    Like you, cricket ain’t my thing. I don’t even know what really happens except guyz running around the same line for a whole day. I wonder how commentators deal with it.. I would fall asleep every 10 minutes…

    Try playing cricket in that solar…

    @ Aegeus Ati you cant sit through 24??.. Odd!

    The way Jack keeps killing people … after a while you get used to it!
  • http://www.randomgirlnextdoor.blogspot.com Girl Next Door

    I don’t know anything about cricket. The murder mystery is intriguing. Wonder what they’ll discover.

    I read the article on the millionaire giving homeless people mansions. It’s a dream come true to live in a ritzy mansion rent-free. It’s disturbing though that a big portion of native Hawaiians live in such poverty. Being homeless in your own home is messed up.

    Personally i’d have sold the mansions and used the cash to build more shelters. That way more people benefit

    Strange discoveries are being connected to climate change lately that I’m getting very skeptical. There was an article in Standard about global warming amping sex drive leading to the increase of AIDS. I don’t think the discovery on brain size is a big deal coz what matters is how much of the brain is used. Apparently humans don’t used 100% of their brains.

    But if we all use 15% and some people’s brains are bigger than others???
  • http://chrenyan.wordpress.com Chrenyan

    Cricket is quite interesting, though not easy to understand.

    Not easy indeed

    Pity about Monsieur Woolmer, frankly it is difficult to believe that emotions can get so strong at or around the game of cricket!

  • http://kenyananalyst.wordpress.com/ Kenyan Analyst

    Jana I was going over a Beeb HAVE YOUR SAY thread on the DR Congo crisis (Bemba vs Kabila). Funny enaf, I found a comment by an Indian saying the Pakistani team (or its associates) had (in not very flattering words) killed Woolmer. Of course one has to understand the national rivalries between the two in reading such comments, but again it’s difficult not to suspect the Pakistanis for this murder. Agatha just won’t measure up to this. I suggest a Fredrick Forsyth / Robert Ludlum combo.

    Agatha my guy! All the classic settings are there
  • I

    I am glad i am not the only one who does not get that tricket!!!

    Tuko wengi!!
  • http://toiyoi.wordpress.com/2006/11/09/the-sir-charles-mugane-njonjo-memorial-hospital-kisumu/ toiyoi

    Perhaps an Indian in the audience to assist the “LOST” appreciate cricket?

  • http://www.kenyaimagine.com donworry

    There was a tragic event out there and it is sad that someone has lost their life. Still I cannot help laughing at M’s description of the greatest sport on earth.

    Now now now, since when was Rugby dethroned??

    I think it is funny that we all shoot down the only major team event where Kenya is not a joke. I think the cricket team did us proud. If our football and rugby teams were half as good…….

    We’re not shooting it down. We just don’t gerrit
  • http://www.odeglenyanginv.blogspot.com/ odegle

    by the way cricket is a game of the brainy, so don’t worry if you don’t like it.

    Uh huh!!!
  • http://simplyclarah.blogspot.com Klara

    Cricket?? That game still baffles me, naskia it lasts for 5 hours!!!! Although it was interesting to see Kenya go to the World Cup.

    On the plus side at least we’re good at something
  • http://www.africanpath.com Joshua

    Cricket is like watching paint dry. Oh, how dreary. And to think the test series lasts for days so that waheshimiwa get a chance to go and drink tea. Same crap in baseball. Guys say the stats are everything. If I wanted to do math, won’t I stay in the classroom?

    Hear hear!
  • edwin

    consider starting with an LBW!

    LBW is which animal now??
  • Gracelet

    Personally I support any game Kenya is playing… just don’t watch it!!( My excuse has always been that I jinxany team I support!!) But cricket has to be the most boring game I’ve ever not watched. LBW overs notouts. Honestly I don’t even think the commentators understand what they are saying half the time !!

    With the stuff soccer commentators say for such a simple game I shudder to think of what the cricket commentators say

    BTW, what happened to your responses to our comments, M? That is the mchuzi mix of your site mzee!!

    Sorry sorry, not been in town …
  • http://kadhat.blogspot.com egm

    I doubt I’ll ever get into cricket. I won’t say never, since that’s exactly what I said about American football (more aptly, handball) and baseball, but, eh, when the playoffs came and home team was doing good, you couldn’t keep me away from the screen or sports pages. But then again, these are games that start and end in finite time (despite the million commercial breaks which irk the heck out of me), unlike something like test cricket.

    The case surely has brought attention to the game. Dude at work was asking me about it, knowing I’m from Kenya. He’s Indian, so he had a keen interest in the world cup.

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  • Ni2

    Those two comments above… spam?

    @All of you who dont seem to get cricket.

    I have noticed one common thread. You have no clue as to whats cutting. You clearly dont understand the game. And then expect to just enjoy it?

    Personally I enjoy cricket especially when you have the “super stars” playing.

    Got hooked after I watched the 1996 WorldCup on KBC. I was a west indies match. The commentators were actually very interesting to listen to. (Unlike another sport – wont say anything else)

    Watched a couple of matches of the last WorldCup. Enjoyed the highlights. Did not have a chance to sit and watch a complete match.

  • http://kadhat.blogspot.com egm

    @Ni2, it comes down to what someone is willing to do based on interest. There are games I understand well, but unless it was a match featuring the hometeam in a championship game, you wouldn’t catch me dead watching it. And even then, the game would have to be played at a time convenient enough for me to watch. A good example for me is football. I know the rules. I have played it a million times. But my interest in it is minimal. I could be least bothered who was playing who when and who was at the top of the league… Now, if Harambee Stars were in the African Cup finals, then I might watch the game.

    The same goes with cricket. Even if I put in the effort to learn about it, I still don’t guarantee I will enjoy it. I might watch when Kenya is playing, but that would be the extent of my interest. So it is more than just not understanding the game. Interest level plays a big factor. And for me, the interest just ins’t there.