Francis Xavier Ole Kaparo is the grim, tough talking speaker of the current loud yet mediocre parliament. Generally when he speaks, people tend to listen. Having 250  or so members of parliament  of varying levels of maturity and intelligence under your thumb is not a task for the faint of heart.

However this last week Francis has been speaking in a manner likely to suggest that his wig is too tight, or the flatulence of honourable members have interfered with the knitting of his thinking cap.

I listened with stunned amazement when Ole Kaparo with a perfectly straight face told us that

Kenyan members of parliament are overworked

At this juncture quite a number of honourable members had composed themselves for slumber and their snores were shaking parliament’s rafters.

I pinched myself very hard just in case I was sleeping, or was operating in a parallel universe.

The very notion of an overworked MP is something my mind is struggling to grapple with. Running over the MPs I know by name, and picturing their rosy cheeks, considerable girth and third trimester like bellies, it is difficult to reconcile that image with the sweat of back breaking honest toil.

Driving from Being driven from the parliamentary canteen to a public rally, where they wear loudly clashing t-shirts and clutching flowers or oranges (as the case may be) can by no stretch of the imagination be construed as work.

Just how are these fellows overworked? Most of them do  not even go to their own constituencies, so how, pray tell, can they claim to be overworked?

Unless of course our speaker is referring to the hard work of ruthlessly attacking samosas, biscuits, queen cakes and mabuyu at the parliamentary canteen.

The other stunning declaration was that

The media should not capture sleeping MPs on film

This was in reaction to the hilarious footage from the parliamentary opening.

Within minutes of arriving and lowering their considerable girths to their seats, the sandman ruthlessly resumed his duties.

Hitherto bone dry Parliamentary leather suddenly had a coating of parliamentary drool from honourable members who were so overwhelmed with their back breaking work that even after a three month recess they were fast asleep within minutes of lowering their honourable backsides to the leather.

The president had just welcomed them back when the first snores rattled the rafters and within ten minutes a symphony in B major was being orchestrated, with NARC-Kenya snoring in bass, ODM-Kenya snoring in Alto, Ford People in fine voice in soprano and Ford Kenya handling the alto with aplomb.

Mungatana clutched his blankie closer. Kajwang clutched his teddy bear closer. Munyao and Karume sucked their thumbs. Gumo and Ndolo in their sleep groped for their sippy cups.

I find it preopostorous that Kapro can make such a request. In fact if possible Kaparo should have his head smacked.

OF COURSE they should be captured on film! Have they forgotten a simple tenet — that the MP is an employee of the people?

I’m working very hard to transition from employee to employer and i jolly well know i will be very interested in any employees of mine who take my money and sleep instead of working!

Xavier my man, your MPs are our employees and we damn sure have the right to know what they are doing during office hours!

PIC OF THE DAY

Someone is very kindly offering me a work permit

I especially like their ‘gaurantee’

Elvis Presley – Return To Sender