Once upon a time, variety in the radio sector was the choice between KBC English Service and KBC Kiswahili Service. KBC Kiswahili used to have an absurd chunk of its time devoted to death and funeral announcements, and back then my appreciation for Samba Mapangala Orchestre Virunga, Franco, Tabu Ley, Tshala Muana, Mbilia Bel, The Commodores, Michael Jackson (before the ‘You rock my world’ nonsense), the Pointer Sisters, The Temptations, Kool & The Gang, Cameo, Marvin Gaye, Diana Ross, et al was a big fat zero. Mercifully, I am much older and much wiser to recognize good music, no matter how old and what language it is.
But I digress.
Back then, you were not listening to radio until you listened to Lunch Time Music, Beat Time and Sundowner. Lunch time music invariably featured very mellow music, sometimes instrumental. Kenny G and the likes of Nana Moskouri were regular contributors to the afternoon fare. Sundowner was just the thing to shut down your day, back then when after 6 o’clock there was no Internet and bars with DSTV to derail you.
In the evening there was Beat Time that rotated between John Karani, John Obongo Junior and Jeff Mwangemi. Unlike the doofus programs we have today, there were no inanely foolish games and competitions, no soliciting of calls with ludicrous instructions and most importantly, most of the time was devoted to music.
During Beat Time you were guaranteed to come across Dr Alban, Patra, Boyz II Men, New Edition, Heavy D and the Boyz, Salt N Peppa, Bob Marley, UB 40, Cameo, Mariah Carey, 2Pac, Notorious B.I.G, Nutt’n Nyce, Lisa Lisa & The Cult Jam, Talib Kweli, SWV, TLC, En Vogue, Babyface, Jon B (to the delight of some people) and After 7. And Nas when he had just broken his voice. And Lauryn Hill when she didn’t seem old enough to drink. I’m sure like minded souls like Msanii, Guessaurus, Acolyte, Magaidi, Mocha, KM and Aegeus (boss, I’m keeping in my records on file that you listen to J LO) would agree.
We’re talking the era of REAL hip hop, when Wu Tang Clan ruled the roost. It is said that 36 Chambers is one of the best hip-hop albums of all time. I’m inclined to agree
As for the immortal choice between 2Pac and Biggie — I plead neither! Why should I choose? 2Pac was the one with the depth and Biggie was the one with the rhymes.
But now, as I regularly tell my youngest brothers and their ilk, individuals we will hitherto refer to as Insyders, on the unfortunate days we occupy the same time-space continuum, music has become absolute nonsense. It lacks completely everything that makes music music. No lyrics, no rhyme, no depth, no feeling, no soul and, nearly 100% of the time, no SENSE.
They have the audacity to compare 50 Cent and 2Pac. They have the temerity to compare G-Unit to Bone Thugs ‘N’ Harmony! Dude, when you compare Kibaki compare him to Moi and not to Nelson Mandela!
I cam remember the world spinning about my head when said brother asked me “Who’s this Krayzie Bone dude that Chamillionaire is carrying on his shoulder?”
“Oh my poor fool!” I told my misguided flesh and blood, choosing not to inform him that when Tha Crossroads came out he was still a small boy carrying around suspicious bulges in the back of his pants. I’m considering giving him the album on tape that I actually bought from Assanands that will show him that Chamillionaire is trying to be an informal sixth Bone Thug but the sacrilege is too much!
I don’t know the difference between Young Jeezy, Young Jog, Young Wun, Young Buck, Young At Heart, Young Leaders, Young Voters Alliance, Young Jimmy and Young Sters. And most importantly, I neither wish to know nor particularly care.
I ask the Insyders for a single saving grace of D4L’s chart topping symphony
Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Gurl shake dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy
Dat laffy taffy (candy gurl)
Dat laffy taffy
While they hum and haw, the next MP3 kicks in, and we are treated to a fellow with esteem issues tying to boost his morale.
This is why I’m hot,
this is why i’m hot,
this is why,
this is why
this is why i’m hot,
This is why i’m hot,
this is why,
this is why
this is why i’m hot …
Answers are not forthcoming.
They talk about dis tracks, blissfully ignorant that there is exactly one dis track … this one. Not since Jimmi Hendrix has anyone managed to work such angst, disdain, contempt and vitriol into his music. Completely profane, no attempt at temperance, every small boy’s heart leapt in his breast when this completely forbidden fruit came over the speakers. Everything compared to Hit ‘Em Up is positively benign.
We’re talking the era of REAL girl groups, where the girls could sing circles around a mike. I mean, think En Vogue, and the intro to “Hold On“. Who TODAY can sing like that? Groups like Danity Kane and the Pussycat Dolls? I think not! It is absurd to even compare Dawn Robinson and Beyonce Knowles. There is NO COMPARISON
Think back to the diva days, when Mariah Carey was young, fresh faced and innocent and churned out album after album after album of hits, hits and nothing but hits, before she began hanging out with Jermaine Dupri and Puff Daddy P Diddy. I mean, who can forget “Always Be My Baby” and “Fantasy” and “Underneath The Stars”
Or Whitney Houston, who even graced all the way back to the 80s. Nothing but class and talent, until of course Bobby Brown got his grubby hands on her and she’s gone speedily south ever since, now a pale shadow of herself.
Remember listening to Monica’s “Miss Thang” and “One Of Them Days” when she was 14. Boy has she lost her innocence!
Not to forget R&B’s best kept secret Puff Johnson
Think back to good old Boyz II Men, singing “End Of The Road” in them shorts!
Or New Edition belting out “One More Day”
And PM Dawn “Set Adrift On Memory Bliss”
So please, spare me the doofus Pretty Rickies of this world!
This provides welcome alternatives to Laffy Taffy and its mediocre ilk.
All Is Not Lost
While the hip-hop & R&B fraternity is collectively working round the clock to give Nas an album title
we have to look elsewhere, old and new, for good music
Norah Jones (Worth each of the 7 Grammies!)
Not for the faint of heart!
Wouldn’t Get Far is just a classic.
Are Acolyte, Archer and myself alone thinking that today’s music by and large sucks?!
AO AOB
KDN needs to get very serious about their butterfly product if they expect people to pay 4,000 bob a month. Sample the output from my firewall (You DO have a firewall, don’t you? And I don’t mean that bollocks windows one!) … I might as well send a good old fashioned letter … it would faster than email!
I would not even pay 50 Cent for these speeds! (HA HA!! =))
PIC OF THE DAY
With every doofus fancying himself some sort of Internet doyen, a new keyboard may be just the ticket
VIDEO OF THE DAY
Miss USA hits the runway in a very literal sense and descends heavily to earth on her backside.
WTF OF THE DAY
Events are going out of their way to cement my disdain for reality TV. Not satisfied with my last mention, some doofuses have a reality TV show where the winner gets a shiny new kidney
Floetry – Butterflies