Few things are as sacrosanct as the institution of morning radio. One cannot set down to work without a morning shot of radio. People are going out of their way to even buy mobile phones that have radio facilities.
The fare is wide
Classic FM
Classic’s morning show is the usual two host format. Currently this is Maina Kageni and Mwalimu Kingangi.
Pros
- Classic has excellent music.
- Mwalimu Joseph King’ang’i. This guy just cracks me up. Really. The man is just hilarious. What makes him especially funny is that he thinks on his feet (or should I say seat).
- Every morning they normally discuss some domestic situation that hapless listeners find themselves in. The part in all of us that secretly delights in our neighbour’s slippage on a banana seems to thrive off this.
Cons
- Most of the discussion topics are aimed squarely at the mature listener. God, making full use of his excellent sense of humour, generally has you sitting between two nuns when a caller has the self sacrifice to offer himself to attend to a caller whose problem is her significant other is not rising to the occasion in the noble sport of bedminton sufficiently enough
- The audience is getting increasingly incredulous at the problems presented
KISS 100 FM
One of the oldest breakfast shows that pioneered the two host, one serious one comic format. Currently these are Caroline Mutoko and Nyambane
Pros
- When the presenters shut up for a minute, the music is generally not that bad.
Cons
- Impossibly large array of impossibly inane competitions
- Even more impressive array of amazingly irritating jingles and sound effects
- Continuously insisting they have a repertoire of fresh hits and then playing (to Death) James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful
- Nyambane’s act grew old circa 2000, but KISS is blissfully unaware of this
- Caroline Mutoko’s carefully cultivated nasal accented speech, peppered liberally with “darlings” and “sweeties” make long waits in traffic seem that much longer.
- Their news team’s primary source of news is the BBC’s RSS news feed and copies of the day’s Nation and Standard.
- Carol Radull always sounds like she’s about to burst into laughter. Ergo she should not be reading news about plane crashes, Mungiki beheadings, etc
- Yesterday (22 May) There was a brief discussion that stunned all and sundry. Carol and Nyambane called a listener who had sent an SMS confessing that her boyfriend told her that her vagina was bitter. Nyambane wanted to know what the boyfriend was doing over yonder. Carol was full of helpful advice. Myself I was full of the breath of air I was keeping in to keep from bursting into laughter because as fate would have it I was sitting next to a nun.
CAPITAL FM
The original (bring bring) breakfast show, riding the coat tails of the good old days of Phil Matthews and Alex Belfield.
Pros
- When the presenters shut up for a minute, the music is generally not that bad.
- Seanice has a nice voice.
Cons
- Impossibly large array of impossibly inane competitions
- Even more impressive array of amazingly irritating jingles and sound effects
- Fareed is a shadow of the man he used to be on Drive.
EASY FM
Forever chasing the shadow of their best time, when Munene, Teddy and Ngatia run the show. Those three gents were loonier than Roocy Baks. The infamous saga of Members of Parliament being spotted on Koinange Street soliciting from … er … vendors peddling their wares in the night inspired these gents to dedicate to parliament as a whole Ludacris’ Area Codes. 10 – nil. Currently hosted by one Ciku (Not this one I hope!!!)
Pros
- Memorable name
Cons
- Presumably the people who are busted on the “busted” segment do not own radios. And if they do, they do not listen to Easy FM. Or if they do, always do it after the morning show.
- The host is enamored of Paula Dean and plays this bloody song at every opportunity.
- The presenter is always talking. Always. All the time.
IN GENERAL
- Traffic updates form all stations are of negligible value. Telling us that there is traffic on Thika road is not telling us anything
- Contrary to what most stations think (especially KISS), none have any power to summon the traffic police
- The proliferation of brain dead games and competitions is a bit much
- Less talk and more music please!
- Bitter vaginas are best handled at night. I’m sure that 5,000 or so small boys in cars and school buses asked horrified adults what exactly a vagina is, and what is wrong with a bitter one
Walanguzi – Crazy