Ignorance, it is said is bliss. And if that be so, when it comes to the issue of women, many of my lads can be described as being in a perpetual state of catatonic joy. When I say, for instance, that few things are as formidable as the woman they laugh me out of town. No man knoweth precisely what lies behind that dimpled smile and demure expression.

Things are additionally compounded when you introduce the concept of exes being just friends. I have written a paper on the same, and I like to think now, more than ever, it is still relevant.

Take for example Geoffrey Jones. Blissfully ignorant that he was rushing headlong towards doom, he arrived at a party fully optimistically and departed from the same partially testically.

Wiser ones among us may have left after this:

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

But Geoffrey, with soon to be halved nutty perseverance, foolishly soldiered bravely on

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out.

In a paroxysm of passion she tried to emasculate Geoffrey even with his trousers on

In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and “pulled hard”. He added: “That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain.”

The story also illustrated clearly that a friend in indeed is not the one in need, it is the one that hands you back your testicles.

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones’s testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it. She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.

I challenge you if your friends can do this for you.

Naturally, Amanda is contrite in the end.

“It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person.”

This is a touch sell with testicular evidence on the carpet.

She continues to say

I have challenged myself to explain what has happened but still I just cannot remember. This has caused much anguish to me and will do for the rest of my life

Not as much anguish as Geoffrey I’d imagine!

PIC OF THE DAY

This is the sort of limo the Kibaki Administration should be looking at

 Brownstone – Pass The Lovin’