33

Hell Hath No Fury

Posted June 14th, 2007 in News by M

Ignorance, it is said is bliss. And if that be so, when it comes to the issue of women, many of my lads can be described as being in a perpetual state of catatonic joy. When I say, for instance, that few things are as formidable as the woman they laugh me out of town. No man knoweth precisely what lies behind that dimpled smile and demure expression.

Things are additionally compounded when you introduce the concept of exes being just friends. I have written a paper on the same, and I like to think now, more than ever, it is still relevant.

Take for example Geoffrey Jones. Blissfully ignorant that he was rushing headlong towards doom, he arrived at a party fully optimistically and departed from the same partially testically.

Wiser ones among us may have left after this:

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

But Geoffrey, with soon to be halved nutty perseverance, foolishly soldiered bravely on

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out.

In a paroxysm of passion she tried to emasculate Geoffrey even with his trousers on

In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and “pulled hard”. He added: “That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain.”

The story also illustrated clearly that a friend in indeed is not the one in need, it is the one that hands you back your testicles.

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones’s testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it. She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.

I challenge you if your friends can do this for you.

Naturally, Amanda is contrite in the end.

“It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person.”

This is a touch sell with testicular evidence on the carpet.

She continues to say

I have challenged myself to explain what has happened but still I just cannot remember. This has caused much anguish to me and will do for the rest of my life

Not as much anguish as Geoffrey I’d imagine!

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PIC OF THE DAY

vw limo

This is the sort of limo the Kibaki Administration should be looking at

 Brownstone – Pass The Lovin’

  • http://mountkirima.blogspot.com Kirima

    OUCH! is all that I can say. You are right M I amd Just as ignorant on the ways of women.

  • http://bankelele.blogspot.com bankelele

    Ouch. As for limo’s we should ok to India for guidance on how to live within our vehicular means

  • http://tallb.wordpress.com/ aegeus

    ouch! Does not begin to describe it! What we need now is armour for the boys huko chini like the chain mesh of the armour of old or Kevlar with fingerprint access control..hehehhe!! Ati she claimed it had not been her intention to harm Geoff? Aiii!!

    With take away testicles on the menu…she took up the “eat him up” part a little too literally and with a spot too excessive force?

    Pals, look out for your pals, hands that reach for them do not always come in peace! :-D I for one shall henceforth treat such as suspect and subject to inspection of cause before they are allowed to proceed…hehehehehe!!

    I love the limo! Modo – si you know why? We should be cruising in the back seat…stretch mode! Balling…i think they call it. :-)

  • http://tallb.wordpress.com/ aegeus

    i just noticed the limo looks like its a soft top, roll down and bask in the hot midday sun! Or wave at fellow peasants as our “leaders” have a penchant for doing from such portholes.

  • http://www.kenyanmusings.blogspot.com km

    Hi C-c-c-c-c, give me a C! Give me a H! give me an A! give me a P! hehehe, if your heart was racing, say aye! hey chap, how U be dawg(washana wewe, go with it)sawasawa?

    Ewwwwww, eti tried to swallow it. Ewwww at spitting it out. There goes my COCONUT rice. Yes, coconut.
    Doood!
    Its like when you got caught reading a letter from your ka jamaa in High school and you chew….and yes, swallow it.

    Kwani that chap’s balls are loose how? Yaani it got yanked off for real? pulled off? are you sure she did not have any weapon? kwani they were held together by string? Bana! si I thought muscles, tendons, skin and stuff!?

  • http://kadhat.blogspot.com egm

    Double ouch!

  • DSHY

    When I first read this, I thought she was nuts, but maybe she is on to something, a prototype for a male chastity belt mayhaps? (ill take ten please) I wonder if he will sue, the ball is in his court now. But let this be a cautionary tale to all men who refuse to play ball.

    Gah! three puns and I have not even touched on ‘swallowing’ bit. This is a family blog however, and I shall respect that lol.

    Fare well thee M

  • http://gishungwa.blogspot.com Gishungwa

    Ouch! hell hath no fury…
    I love the moti.

  • njege

    imagine if she had been really angry and actually had intention to hurt!

  • http://mywordsonly.blogspot.com/ acolyte

    Me thinks it’s about time I invested in a steal chastity belt to protect the family jewels! If this is the level of madness that is going on in the world I best be protected!
    As for that limo that is indeed an economical not aesthetic alternative to what the government has now! Send them the brochure won’t you!
    Off to invent comfy yet impenetrable jock strap for men who receive alot of attention from psycho females………

  • DSHY

    Still chuckling about the swallowing and then promptly spitting it out. Goes to show, you need to pay more attention to what it says on the tin ‘soak overnight for 12 hours before consuming’

    It is unfortunate that I was listening to Omarion’s @Ice Box’ because this is what I heard..

    Clears throat and gets in tune*doe, ray, me, mee, mee*

    Ive got an ice box where my balls used to be x2
    Im so cold, im so cold x2
    She aint nothing like the girl I used to know
    Girl look me in my eyes and promise you wont do me the same
    Don’t want to mess this up, better keep your mouth away from me girl
    Look me in the eye and promise you wont do me the same

    I hate myself.

  • http://kadhat.blogspot.com egm

    Haiya, Dshy, making light of such magnanimous pain? Lakini that pun roll you were on… tsk tsk! :)

    I still say a big OUCH!

    And yes, that vehicle is nice. These days you can stretch anything.

  • http://toiyoi.wordpress.com/ toiyoi

    Men,, its really simple: If you treat a woman right , you never have to worry about nothing. Men’s main problem is greed and going after other’s heifers.

  • http://toiyoi.wordpress.com/ toiyoi

    Picture of the Day: All false. The workmanship is not even professional. This is the work of Adobe photoshop (or other similar image manipulation software). he he he.

  • DSHY

    Lol, Egm pris! There’s a vaudevillian that lurks in me that sadly has never been done justice in the real world. Not today, leo ni leo, and at whatever cost. *smiles*

    Quick analogy. As a young high school student, I am sure you remember checking into your local barbershop and explaining in great detail, nay, issuing precise instructions about how you wanted your hair cut, and the barber would listen sympathetically, but then a more important client *read big tipper* would come in and you would be passed on to the sadist draconian barber, who would say ‘wewe kijana I don’t have that time’ and then shear kila kitu off mercilessly? Now do you remember the hours of amusement your new cut provided your boys?

    So you see, sadists are necessary evil. Like men. They add colour to the proceedings.

  • http://www.ciikuandhermess.blogspot.com Ciiku

    @ Dshy “When I first read this, I thought she was nuts”…..

    Yes… she was full of nuts… two of them to be precise… but she spit them out.

    When I saw this in the news, I felt pain… and I dont even have balls!

  • I

    ha ha ha.. thats a funny story..
    i am trying to wrap my head around how Monti managed to get to dudes nuts to bite them..

    Men are always saying women are psyco.. if you know this, why put your self in a situation where you want a woman to show out her pshyconess?!!?

  • Ni2

    No comment.

  • http://chrenyan.wordpress.com/ Chrenyan

    This guy was just enjoying the show while this lady, despising anaesthetics, partially emasculated him and tried to swallow his er… ya – that one? I mean, at what point did he wake up to the excruciating fact that these matters involved him, and not another?

    Had she tried that here in Kenya it would have been HER in the news.

  • jogoo wa shamba

    tsk!tsk!tsK! alikula watoto?? poor guy will have to fire from a single barrel hence

  • udi

    I am very worried that mamas are begining to hold a jamaa by the balls literally. Damn

  • http://turistaafricana.blogspot.com Rista

    And do you know jamaas still won’t learn? So expect another such story soon. Treat women right and this need never be your fate.

  • http://mywordsonly.blogspot.com/ acolyte

    @ Rista
    What do you mean treat her right?! All that this dude in this story did was to say no and he lost a nut over it. Some women need to get over the fact that they are not God’s gift to all that is male. :)

  • http://Seasonsandreasons.blogspot.com Seasons and Reasons

    Ouch.. now we all have to fear the ladies. Its a wonder he did not pass out!!

  • http://themobiusstrip.wordpress.com Wambui

    My co-workers thought I’d made this one up. As someone asked, had he taken off his pants, or did she reach into his pants? While most of the guys squirmed uncomfortably, I could have sworn that the shadow of an approving smile came over one woman’s face. I thought nothing of it until she declared after lunch that she would be calling her husband (yeah, the one who has refused to sign the divorce papers, yadda yadda) to ask him out for drinks…

  • http://3nspeaks.blogspot.com 3n

    LOL @ njege’s comment: “imagine if she had been really angry and actually had intention to hurt!”

    And to the uniballer; ouch, seriously OUCH!!

  • munyanta

    thinking ’bout the whole thing makes me nauseous !! why tha f@#k would u wanna swallow a guy’z marbles ?

  • http://kadhat.blogspot.com egm

    @3N njege has a major point there! A woman might have caused even more unprintable damage!

    @Wambui… chunga you are not named an accessory by virtue of having shown this article to your colleague!

  • http://www.simplyclarah.blogspot Klara

    Ouch!! That chile has guts!
    Poor guy!

  • http://prousette.blogspot.com prousette

    Ouch!

  • http://hakeembig.wordpress.com hakkembig

    Wacha Wakulwe!!!!!!! Ouch!

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