[This Post Is More Personal Than Normal. Usual Programming Back Soon]

Familiarity, it is said, breeds contempt. This, as you may already know, is a fact. Too much of a steady supply of anything is wont to get you taking things for granted. Which is why, in His infinite wisdom. God sees fit to occasionally mix it up.

I’m sure you can relate. Every once in while unto you is delivered  a handsome sprinkling of tribulations, and you are left to your devices to sort them out. These are the times when you truly learn what sort of stuff you are made of. You will learn just how much you can bend without breaking. You will learn how you deal with difficulty. And most importantly how not to deal with difficulty. You will learn that no matter how much friends, family and loved ones you have, you, and only you, at the end of the day, has to deal with these things.

I used to resent these but with age we get a little wiser and I realized actually that they are good for you because if you can smile after tribulations, you will truly appreciate the power that smile holds. If you can soldier on with all these weights on your back, you are stronger than you thought.

As we speak I am currently up to my eyeballs in what is turning out to be the fortnight from hell. It turns out that Murphy, he of Murphy’s laws is not quite as cynical as fate. Every last thing I have laid my hands on this past two weeks has blown up in some way or the other in my face. My usual crutches in times of tribulations are not available and so I must fight the good fight man solo. I have stopped asking the question “what else can go wrong?!” for the excellent reason that any such sentiments get treated as challenges.

Even something as benign as tying my shoelaces this past Tuesday Almost resulted in my gouging my right eye. I even (after a lengthy search) found the PERFECT flat but inexplicably the doofus doubled the rent literally as the deal was about to be sealed! Sigh!

I could go on to enumerate the impressive array of things that seem to be turning to ashes around me, but they are not really important in the larger scheme of things with regards to the point I am trying to make.

Except one.

Last Thursday morning I received news that one of my dearest friends had decided to take her life, and had indeed done just that. Out of the blue. Nary a warning. I was all the more stunned because I am led to believe I was the last to speak to her before she took this decision, very early on Thursday morning, about 3 AM. O retrospect, I am very glad I took that call. For a very long time I have had a dim view of people who make calls at that hour of the morning, but events over the past couple of months have led me to believe it is better to err on the side of caution and take such calls anyway. It could be something important. Or it could be Oti, your drunken friend calling to ask you if you’ve seen his car keys. In the latter case you can practice your eloquence and bang the phone (or as much as you can bang your mobile).

You might think that she would have sounded harassed or confused or distressed. On the contrary. I have never heard  her sound so focused and determined. We had a nice chat. We vented about work, life, relationships, etc. And she said a cheerful goodbye and the next time I shall see her is this weekend when I will be one of those reading her eulogy.

Why did she feel compelled to do this? I wish I knew for sure. All I know is that she had some personal problems that she did not want to talk about.

I admit I am still stunned that she felt driven to take this course of action. And at some level, though I still love her, I will also always deeply resent this course of action that she took.

So what am I trying to say? Much as at times I have felt unable to cope with the issues bothering me, I immediately take comfort in the fact that the Big Man upstairs may be many things, but he’s also a good sport. He WILL NOT allow anything to come your way that you cannot handle. And the collective kicks in the pants I have received over a chequered life, and this past weeks are merely to remind me the sort of man my efforts, my folks,  and my maker (in reverse order!) I am. A good swift kick in the pants on occasion is precisely what the doctor ordered to realize that I take far too much, and far too many people for granted.

So my friends, if you’re in a place where it seems like the world itself is conspiring against you, keep your chin up! You can’t have a sunrise without a sunset. And if you can’t talk to someone. Anyone. Even Job’s tribulations lost the battle with time.

I suppose I will go to my grave wondering if there was anything I could have said to change her mind. I doubt it, but still … I will always wonder…

Yesterday - The Beatles

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they’re here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be
There’s a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, I yesterday came suddenly

Why she had to go I don’t know she wouldn’t say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Why she had to go I don’t know she wouldn’t say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away

Oh, I believe in yesterday
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm

 

 In the Arms Of An Angel - Sarah McLachlan