Tears have been rolling down my cheeks for the last half an hour after reading that one William Henry Gates III, better known as Bill Gates, had a bit of a problem getting into Nigeria.

Apparently the Nigerians objected to his presence, on the grounds that he might stay there indefinitely and strain their infrastructure and resources.

I can just picture the altercation …

CAST

Oyo, a senior immigration official
Ono, a junior immigration official
Bill Gates, a billionare and software mogul

LOCATION

An immigration office

Bill: Good morning gentlemen, I trust you are well?
Ono: YEEAH!
Oyo: Yes, tenk you. Wetin day my broda from anoda moda? Wot can we-o be doing for you-o this afternoon-o my broda-o?
Bill: Is this the desk for visa applications?
Ono: YEEAH!
Oyo: Will you stop-o that nonesense-o?
Ono: WHAT?
Oyo: Will you STOP that nonesense-o?
Ono: WHAT?
Oyo (Shouting): STOP BEIN’ A FOOL-O OR I WILL SLAP YOUR LEFT CHEEK-O THROUGH YOUR RIGHT-O! Do you get me?
Ono: YEEEAH!
Oyo (To Bill Gates): Dis a my sissa’s boy-o. He lissen to a too much-o American rap music-o. Yesterday he a be a tellin’ me-o that Little John he a be havin dem dreadlocks! DREADLOCKS! Everybody-o know that every one-o of Robin Hood’s men-o dey not have de dreadlocks!
Ono: WHAT?
Bill Gates (Nervously): Er … of course.
Ono: WHAT?
Oyo: Will you shut dat mouth-o!
Ono: YEEAH!
Oyo: Please sir, wot-a bein your name-o?
Bill Gates: Bill Gates, sir.
Oyo: Oga! Oga! Oga! Are you de Bill dat is marryin’ ma sista Ciara?
Ono! WHAT?
Bill Gates: Er … no
Oyo: Are you de Bill dat is marryin’ ma sista Rihanna?
Ono: WHAT?
Bill: Er … no
Oyo: Are you de Bill dat is marryin’ ma sista Aaliyah?
Ono! WHAT?
Bill: Er … no
Oyo: Are you de Bill dat is marryin’ ma sista Brandy?
Ono! WHAT?
Bill: Er … no
Oyo: Are you de Bill dat is marryin’ ma sista Beyonce?
Ono! WHAT?
Bill: Er … no
Oyo: Are you de Bill dat is marryin’ ma sista Pussycat Doll?
Ono: WHAT?
Bill: Er … no
Ono: WHAT?
Bill: Er … no
Ono: WHAT?
Oyo: SHUT UP! Oga! Den which o my sistas are u marryin man-o? Whitney? Princess? Queen? Weetabix? Margaret Thatcher?
Bill: Er … actualy i’m already married. My wife’s name is Melinda French–
Ono: YEEEAH!:
Oyo: Oho!!! (Clapping bill heartily on the back) Why you do na say so you man-o? You are marryin Melinda French-o? HA HA! Excellent, excellent! Althou jus between us I would ‘ave been bettin’ it was my smaller sista Margaret Thatcher or my smallest sister Cherie Blair. But now you is family-o!
Bill: Er … perhaps you should End Task that particular process … I know my wife’s family and i don’t think you are in any way…
Oyo: HA HA!! HA HA HAA!!! Now you truly my broda-o you man-o!
Ono: YEEEAH!
Bill: Well, guys, if we could just move this along
Oyo (Openng Bill’s passport): Of course my broda … Oga … Who is William Henry Gates eye eye eye?
Bill: Er… That’s William Henry Gates The Third
Oyo: Oga! But you-a tell me your name-o is Bill Gates?
Bill: Yes, but …
Ono: WHAT?! It would seem that we are at an imbroglio at this juncture … there appears, at cursory glance, to be a discrepancy between who your documentation claims you are and who, in fact, you purport to be. Ceteris paribus, we have a dilemma
Oyo? WHAT?!
Bill: Really guys, that’s my real name but people know me better as Bill Gates. Just Google — I mean — Windows Live Search me!
Oyo: We a be doin dat a little later-o. Can you tell os your financial position-o? How much money do you ‘ave? And how will you be supportin’ yourself?
Bill: Well, at last count I had about 56 billion US dollars
Ono: YEEEAH! WHAT?
Oyo: Oga! HA HA HA!!! No doubt from Sani Abacha, eh? (Winking) Or from Charles Taylor?
Bill (Perplexed): Er … no, all mine actually.
Oyo: My broda-o you are a wastin’ our time-o. Come back when you’re serious-o!

PIC OF THE DAY

 Kanye West – I Wonder