Absurdity

Kenya as usual sent a delegation that was top heavy, rich in officials, officers and attaches and wanting in athletes. And even those officials, officers and attaches were only going to exercise their right arms raising forks and tankards to their lips. I am informed our new Sports Minister took along the fruit of her loins at the expense of stadia officials. I no longer pretend to be surprised. Where can I as a citizen get a list of who went to Beijing with their bill footed by me, the taxpayer?

Gymnastics

A female Chines gymnast rejoices under the name He Kexin. For a she, being called He no doubt can lead to a somewhat delicate social faux pas. He (she) has spent a lifetime enduring the little embarrassments that are inevitable when a she is called He.

he

Here He is

Swimming

Few things can cause more consternation than swimming in a pool against Michael Phelps. From the looks of things he has a small outboard motor that he makes religious use of.

phelps

Tearing it up

While fellow swimmers subsist on diets of lentils, cold water and the memory of chicken, Michael Phelps was gorging himself on pizzas and burgers. Michael Phelps has the distinction of taking home more gold medals than

  • The entire US track & field team
  • Africa
  • Countries 9-85 in the medals table

Athletics

Sprints

Usain Bolt is clearly the man of the moment. 3 gold medals, Olympic records and 3 world records later, he shows no signs of slowing down. The fellow ran so fast the camera covered him to the finish line and then back to get the fellows straining for 2nd position.

bolt

Bolt Of Lightning

Once upon a time I ran the 100m (humble school sports days, not Olympics!) and I can assure you few things are as agonizing as running as fast as you possibly can and watching some fellow pulling away from you! It’s just a matter of time before sour grapes (see below) label the poor chap Saddam Usain

To the doofus who had a Michael Phelps moment and dived for the line in the 400m: chap, in London 2012 there will be rules against low flying aircraft.

diver

Finally to ground!

If a virus descended upon the Olympic village this night, 8 people would emerge unscathed. These would be the US men & women’s relay teams, who have amply demonstrated they can’t catch anything.

baton  

Whoops!

Long Distance

Kenenisa Bekele is a man I respect. The guy appears to have extra lungs somewhere on his person. Few things can be as depressing as being a participant in a race with this chap.

bekele 

Living legend

For instance, some hapless fellow was lapped by Bekele in the 10,000m. As Bekele comfortably glided past, the fellow had a flash of hope until he realized that to win the race he had to overtake Bekele twice.

Paula Radcliffe is a heart wrenching figure indeed. Every time she’s on TV she is either in her trademark agonized hunched run, looking like she is in acute distress (or constipation), or she is in an inconsolably tearful state. Or both. Can she get some honorary award of some sort?

Boxing

Our representatives in the boxing events returned with little fanfare last week after being summarily eliminated.

boxing

There’s no shame in losing. After all you lost against some of the best in the world. What is not in order is attributing your loss to the electronic scoring system. My friends, that one is not convincing.

Football

I had the pleasure of watching the women’s final match between USA and Brazil. My friends that was some of the best football I have ever seen.

Cycling

With its proliferation of cyclists, I was surprised that Kenya did not send an cyclists to Beijing until I remembered that we are under an administration that would win a clean sweep of medals for gross incompetence, blatant corruption and 1 x 40 gorging of public coffers

Tae Kwon do

Cuban Liu Kang Angel Valodia Matos changed the Olympic sport forever when he kicked the taste out of a referee’s mouth

matos

Finish Him!

Sour Grapes

If you go to any American news site covering the Olympics you will be pleasantly surprised to find that according to the medal standings America is first. The criteria they use is number of medals. Using this warped logic, if you have 2 bronze medals you are placed above a country with a single gold. You’d think finding some sense would be simpler than finding weapons of mass destruction. In Africa we should divide number of medals by nuclear reactors to get who is first.

olympics

AOB

Guess which movie some relay teams would rather not watch?

catchme

Ok, that’s my last shot. I promise. FYI I have once in my distant past dropped a baton too :)

SHORT BRIEFS #1

irony
Only In Kenya

AOB

World domination: T-53

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Pics from a variety of sources, including Reuters, The Times