Much ado has been made about the Kenyan MP, that curious creature, like the cockroach, that seems to resist all attempts to wipe it out (except the boot of a well fed human being of considerable girth).

What one needs to understand about the Kenyan MP is as follows:

  1. The Kenyan MP is generally of questionable utility, and of indeterminate paternal origin
  2. The Kenyan MP fondly believes that an IQ of room temperature is remarkable
  3. The Kenyan MP has an IQ of just below room temperature
  4. The Kenyan MP fondly believes that everyone else is less intelligent
  5. See #2

Once you have these basic principles in mind, it is pretty easy to understand these freaks of nature.

The Waki Report

The instant I heard that a commission was being formed to look into the unrest and name suspects, I bitterly remarked that Kenya would yet again provide another contribution to one and two ply tissue that battle valiantly to clean the human backside. Few supplies of paper are as steady as Kenyan commission reports.

There is no way that report is going to be implemented. Either it will be summarily rejected or a tribunal with the bite of a very large dog (a hot dog) will carry out the recommendations and find nothing. But that is neither here nor there. What I found hilarious was that about 8 months ago ODM were on TV refusing to go to court over the election results. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to debate the wisdom of that. What they said was that there was “no way they would get justice in a Kenyan court”.

Just the other day the same fellows were waxing lyrical about Kenya’s “sovereignty and ability of the judiciary to handle matters”.

Now you and I might find this to be a contradiction, but keep in mind this is the Kenyan MP. See #1 - #3

Taxation

In terms of appearing to care for the welfare of the Kenyan, few can match the performance of the Kenyan MP. Even when out of office, the Kenyan MP can display a touching concern and affection for the average Kenyan, especially if the average Kenyan is female, has the right dimensions and has access to funds of say, a Nigerian. (How’s it going Raphael?)

Kenyan MPs have no problem playing the David to the working man’s Uriah. In fact if you work in the city and think your MP will reappear at the constituency only at election time you’d better establish and maintain contact with your neighbours so you can be notified when David comes hunting your Bathsheba.

Sadly, this is the only interest your MP may show in you. He however expects you to pay for his fuel, for the roads he travels on, for the sugar cane he eats on the way, for the v1agr@ he pops en route and for the roof over his head. I was very amused when Amos Kimunya tried to tax these garden gnomes. Perhaps his current woes may be traced to this very act.

 

But let me not belabour the point. It is futile to expect these Orcs to return to the forge from which Saruman created them. The older I grow the more I realize that Guy Fawkes was onto something.

AOB

Obama had better not get too complacent about his victory. From past experience, once Juja results arrive everything might change!

Pic Of The Day

wtf

What the fuzz is this guy doing to Spiderman?