Jood Good Morning. My name is Alfred ‘The Sailor Man’ Mutua.

I just wanted to take this opportunity to clarify some facts to Kenyans, for as you know the only facts in this country are those that come from my lips. Ha ha!

First of all I object to those who threw eggs at my Volkswagen Jolf. That car cost me a lot of money and I must insist again that all those human rights activists take their activation elsewhere.

I would like to take this opportunity again to remind Kenyans that our officers do not shoot people dead. What happens is that people position themselves just as bullets fired from our officer’s weapons arrive at the particular point at which they have positioned themselves.

I also want to single out the small boy who laughed at the music from my car. Elton Gohn is a timeless artiste.

I would like to assure Kenyans an Ujandans that the following are indeed part of Kenya

  • Jarissa
  • Kapenjuria
  • Mount Kilimangaro
  • Jatundu
  • Kakameja
  • Kagiado
  • Wagir
  • Lanjata
  • JilJil
  • Bunjoma
  • Lokichojjio
  • Muranja
  • Namanja

Jood Good  day Kenyans.