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Cabinet Tales VI

22

January

Kibaki: Bloody bure! So, Raila, we’re going to that place, yes, that one, not the other one. That one. No, not THAT one. That one. To plant those things. With the trunks.
Raila: Elephants?
Kibaki: Yes. No. What was the question again?
Wekesa: To the Mau. To plant trees
Kibaki: Yes, that one
Raila: For shizzle my nizzle
Kibaki: (Sotto voice) Psyche!!!
Raila: (Suspiciously) What was that?
Kibaki: Pink elephants are riding my bicycle.
Mwakwere: Is the Mau in coast?
Ruto: Is this meeting catered? I want some roasted maize
Raila: What’s this about Al Faisal?
Kajwang: Way ahead of you there. We intend to deport him. We can’t just teleport him
Mwakwere: I can help you there. Jamaica is no in coast (is it?) but I know the country code 1-876
Kimunya: Err … therefore
Kenneth: You probably want to deport him to Libya.
Mwakwere: With a country code you can teleport anywhere in the world using any network. I thought everyone knew that?
[Stunned silence]
Mwiria: Anyway, moving on!
Kiraitu: Yes. It will be like raping a woman who is already wirring. Pff. Pffft. Grekkjjjwe! hHHerewr7688! ^&*
Charity: (Shouting) This is clearly in disorder. I mean not in order!
Kalonzo: Stop talking before me! Can’t you see I’m handsome?
Wetangula: People please. Now, Mwakwere, you and your ferries are a cause for concern-
Mwakwere: (Shouting) What do you mean me and my fairies? What have you heard?
Raila: (Holding head) He means those big boats that go chuff chuff chuff in the water
Mwakwere: Oh
Kibaki: Order gentlemen. The Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria set off. Can we all be focused? Uranium 238.
Ongeri: If I may school my learned friends …
Kajwang: Has anyone noticed Ongeri has new shoes?
Ongeri: (Irritably) There is no connection between my new shoes and missing school funds!
Saitoti: Garment is firmly in control with the Al Faisal situation
Nyongo: Garment? Was a ministry of fabrics and attire created overnight? The word is government. GOVERNMENT
Saitoti: (Puzzled) But that’s what I said. Garment.
Nyong: Government
Saitoti: Garment
Nyongo: GOVERNMENT
Saitoti: Garment
Nyongo: Go-
Saitoti: Go-
Nyongo: ver-
Saitoti: ver-
Nyongo: ment
Saitoti: ment
Nyongo: Government
Saitoti: Garment
[Collective Groan]
Kalonzo: I hear Kijana Wamalwa’s brother wants to be President
Wetangula: (Standing) Yes. In fact so do I!
Kalonzo: (Modestly) But i am the most handsome here! And i even take care of my hair. Hilary Clinton wanted to copy my hairstyle but I said no.
Oburu: Treasury is getting tired of buying mirrors for the office of the vice president.
Kenneth: Some of us are diversifying our income by setting up a small business with green, green grass
Oburu: That is a lie. I never inhaled!
Mwakwere: Do people from coast inhale?
Michuki: I shall amend the law on pollution shortly to include you and Kalonzo!
[Esther Murigi walks in. A loud wolf whistle pierces the air]
Kalonzo: (Dashes to the nearest mike) I’mma let you finish but Kalonzo is one of the most handsome people of all time
Kibaki: Can we wrap this up? Wrestling is about to start on TV
Mwakwere: Are there TVs in coast?
Michuki: Some of you here are not taking the environment seriously. I’m informed reliably that Poghisio even has ducks in his swimming pool?
Pogishio: Is it a crime? I like ducks. They taste like chicken
Muthaura: On a point of order I would request all ministers to collect their lunch passes from the office on the mezzanine floor -
Ruto: Did someone say maize?
Kiunjuri: Let me remind Professor Ongeri we have not forgotten the plight of tishas …
Nyongo: Who?
Kiunjuri: Tishas
Kenneth: He means teachers I think
Kalonzo: (Singing) Got honey,
and you know it,
take it out of your pocket and eat it and eat it,
this way, and that way
Marende: Order! If a member is feeling sufficiently philanthropic to sing T-Pain tunelessly, let him notify the house
Kalonzo: But i’m handsome!
Haji: I’d like to challenge Saitoti to explain why Somalis are being harassed
Oburu: Why? Are you Somali?
Haji: (Indigantly) No! Of course not. Everyone knows I’m right handed
Wekesa: Has anyone seen my strawberr? I placed a call a few minutes ago and I can’t find it
Kenneth: You mean blackberry?
Wekesa: No. My phone is not one of those ripoffs. It’s a Strawberry. I bought it after the Samsing was stolen
Alfred Mutua: I … er … have some VCDs i’m selling in the car if anyone is interested?
Odinga: Brilliant. Do you have Lion King?
Alfred Mutua: Er … that’s not quite what i have. I was thinking more local content …
Kibaki: Professional View? News?
Alfred Mutua: Er … even more local … er … more like local … er … talent … ha ha … er … loal performers engaged in … er … performances
Mwakwere: (Quickly) Do you take MPesa?

PIC OF THE DAY

OLD GOLD


From A Fly On The Wall

24

February

Minister: Yes, I am fully behind Miller
Chair: OK then, one vote for Cecil
Minister: Wait! Who?
Chair: Cecil. Miller’s first name is Cecil
Minister: (Incredulously) You mean it’s not Maize?


Presidency For Dummies (African Edition) - Scandals

05

August

Chapter 13: Silence, worth a thousand words

Scandals    

Technorati tags: , , ,


Moving On

10

January

[EDIT 20:21]

“Moving on” is a phrase I’ve heard bandied about a lot of late.

It irritates me as much today as it did the first time I heard it, cleverly slipstreamed into conversation around the imbroglio we as Kenyans find ourselves in.

You hear it used like this:

We need to move on as a country and go about our business.

Or like this:

Yes, the process was flawed. But we need to move on.

Or like this:

So Kibaki appointed a cabinet before the coalition talks. The country needs to function. We need to move on.

Excuse me, but “moving on” is about the most absurd thing we can do now. Patently so.

500+ people have been killed. 300,000+ have been displaced. Businesses and homes have been destroyed. Friends have turned against friends. People have been chased from their homes in the middle of the night. People have lost everything. Some people have lost everyone.

In light of the above I am of the opinion that NO, we FUCKING CANNOT MOVE ON!

The wisdom in “Moving on” is  questionable indeed. Are we to forget the dead, the burnt, the destroyed, the shearing of Kenyan society as we know it? Are we naive enough to believe if we don’t address the causes that led to this situation they will pack up like good little boys and bid us adieu?

“Moving on” is precisely what got us into the situation we are in today. For 44 years we have been moving on, paying scant attention to the underlying problems that have befallen us, in the fond belief that “we are a peaceful people” and “Kenya is an island of peace and stability”. We moved on in the face of disparities of education, opportunities, wealth, camaraderie and class.

I would not be in the least bit surprised to hear some of the political elite, upon hearing that Kenyans are going hungry, wondering, like a woman not too long ago who lost her head, why they “didn’t eat cake”.

Moving on will only ensure that come 2012 we will be writing blog posts and newspaper articles precisely like the ones we have been doing the past fortnight. Moving on will just give another set of us the opportunity to be “shocked and saddened” that this happened on our land. Moving on will just ensure that our children (if we survive to sire them) will merrily and ignorantly make the same mistakes we did.

Have we learnt nothing from the past 2 weeks?

Indeed, stupidity is doing the same thing twice and expecting the same results.

We need to find out the reason our country exploded and take steps to correct them, so that our future generations will be spared what we have gone through. We need to find out what the problem is now, and address it decisively. Before we get peace, we must have justice.

So no, dammit, we FUCKING CANNOT MOVE ON! 44 years ought to have shown by now that moving on doesn’t bloody work!!!

Oh, and for those of limited imagination, let me remove all ambiguity. Justice does not mean throwing stones and destruction and violence!

By saying we can’t just move on I am not saying we should not go back to work and get on with our lives. I’m not saying you stay home and await developments! Au contraire! What I am saying is that we cannot go back to the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil business as usual that we have been at for the last 44 years.

It’s not Kibaki and Raila throwing stones and wielding pangas and burning houses. It’s me and you. I am not naive enough to believe that the sight of Raila and Kibaki shaking hands and hugging will magically stop the fighting and people can move back to their homes from which they were chased. Because that is not about to happen.

Working and going about our business as usual will not address the issue of why friends have butchered friends. And until we find out exactly what circumstances led to that and correct it TODAY we shall be reliving this experience perpetually.

Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away. Life as usual is not an option.

AOB

Alfred Mutua, our resident Oompa Loompa, always manages to take my breath away with his effortless ability to introduce rocking chairs into a room full of blind cats. Every time the grinning Proudfoot Hobbit has his earnest face behind a camera, the osmotic pressure of the external environment causes his grey and white matter to seep from the areas of high concentration within his cranium, leaving behind doesn’t matter.

It takes an exceptional type of foolishness to say the following with a straight face while 400 of your fellows have been killed

“They [Kufuor and Kibaki] are age-mates and friends and Kufuor is coming to have a cup of tea with him,” Mutua said.

Bloody hell. Kufuor flew all those miles for a cup of tea. Villages looking for that special member of their community can contact me


Kenya Is Burning. Stop The Fighting!

04

January

Vote Of Thanks

Many thanks to everyone sending all those emails and text of concern. I am alive and well and taking good care of myself. I am a bit flooded with emails but am doing my best to respond to everyone.

Special thanks to all those sending in news and information. Special thanks to WathiiFM for updates from the Buru Buru area and first class pictures

Housekeeping

I fondly believe that most of my readership are adults of sound mind with a modicum of maturity. In case you are not, allow me to tell you this. This is not a site to propagate hate and rumours. I have spent more time than I should moderating obtuse comments. I am tired of that. I have many other things to worry about. Henceforth if you post something even remotely advocating hate or violence not only will I delete it, I shall blacklist you from ever visiting my blog again. I shit you not. If you think this is a convenient avenue for your hate, think again. I have no time for your nonsense. We want solutions, not more problems.

My connection is not the most stable so henceforth I shall be uploading a huge combined post whenever I can.

News Update

  • Official death toll is now 300. Unofficial death toll is much larger
  • Yesterday there were skirmishes in Bahati, Maringo, Kangemi, Arwings Kodhek, Industrial Area and Thika Road
  • A man was killed on Thika Road when police fired in the air, severing an electrical cable that fell on him
  • ODM rally was moved to Saturday
  • At long last Mwai Kibaki addressed the nation in a lackluster speech long on hot air, ambiguity, vagueness and lethargy and short of concrete solutions
  • Archbishop Desmond Tutu arrived and met with the ODM leadership. The grapevine has it that Kibaki initially refused to meet with him. Subsequently it turned out that a meeting was indeed scheduled for this day.
  • Again proving that no matter how low the bar is, stupidity will always find a way to slither under, Government Spokesman Alfred Mutua, rose eyed lens firmly on, castigates the international community for interfering.
  • Flies on the wall allege that Kibaki himself is pretty amenable to negotiation. But as is the hallmark of his regime other elements in his administration are taking hardline positions.
  • Same flies say that Kibaki is willing to form a coalition government with the opposition. This I have to see to believe. 
  • Nairobi water company allays fears that the city water supply is poisoned.

Kibaki’s Speech Highlights

  • He is deeply concerned
  • He condemns the violence
  • Kenya is a peaceful country (Is it now?)
  • Justice abounds in Kenya. No one has ever been denied justice
  • He too, just like other Kenyans, was made aware that he was won in that same press briefing of the ECK
  • He has followed the law all the while and will continue to
  • Anyone with problems with the outcome should take it up with the court
  • He would seek solutions once the situation calms down. (WTF?!! People are dying while you wait!)
  • He had no time for journalists’ questions. If they had any they should come tomorrow. (People will be dying while we await for you to be comfortable with questions)

State House

Earlier today I drove past State House. A continuous flag like the one that is put on public holidays is very much in evidence. I took some very illegal pictures juggling camera and car. It is no idle rumour that the security personnel there are overzealous. A friend of mine once stopped outside one of the far flung entrances and within minutes a truncheon was being bounced off his amazed skull.

Personally I would take down that flag. It can be construed as a celebration of Kibaki’s new term. I don’t think there is anything to celebrate.

Here are the pics (Quality is not the beast because I was driving and some were taken through windscreen)

State1 
Road heading towards State House, adjacent to the grounds

State2
The State House Junction

State3
Approaching the main gate

State4
The main gate

The Rally

I’ve been roving here and there to capture developments on the ground just after the skirmishes took place. The pictures are sobering indeed. My heart breaks when I photograph what some Kenyans have done to others. Scarred indeed are our weary souls.

The following set is from a looted Coca Cola distributor on Arwings Kodhek. I spoke to the proprietor and the owners of the adjacent stalls. The angry mob repulsed by the police in Hurlingham wreaked havoc. The vendors lost their fruits and vegetables. Hooligans would bite a mango and throw the rest at cars, buildings, etc.

At the depot they broke bottles from some 300 or so crates.

Rally1
A destroyed adjacent vegetable stall. They ate the fruits and took or destroyed the vegetables

Rally2
Another looted vegetable stall

Rally13
A torched stall

Rally4
Broken glass on the road

Rally5
A closer view of the glass. They broke 300 crates

Rally6
Pile of shattered glass

Rally8
A closer view

Rally9
A still closer view

Rally11
The distributor

Rally12
Attempts to recover

 Rally7
Uprooted bus stop

The following set is from the Engen Petrol station further down the road

Rally14
The empty parking bay

Rally15
The looted quick shop

Rally16
The broken door through which they entered

Rally17 
Thrown stones litter the parking

Rally18
Entrance to the adjacent restaurant

Rally19 
Windows of the restaurant

Rally32
An ignored plea in the restaurant window

Kenya Burns

I weep.

Riots1
Rioters burn tyres behind a locked gate

I need not tell you that as I write this our country is on fire. Flames stoked by the ineptitude of the current regime and outright tribal polarization by politicians have finally exploded in a shocking turn of violence and destruction. Neighbours are turning against each other. People are suddenly afraid.

Riots2
The rowdy mob makes its presence felt

Myself included. As I was driving to visit the missus who lives in an area that happens predominantly of a single community I wondered what exactly I would do if I was stopped by a mob and asked to identify myself. One of the names given to me by my folks happens to be Luo, and it is proudly there on my ID. The fact that I am not actually Luo would not help be because assumptions would probably be made on the strength of my ID, as is happening in many places in Nairobi, let alone Kenya. I have two friends in hospital who has “the wrong names” on their IDs.

Riots3
An unfortunate is arrested

However I refused to succumb to this situation. I refuse to be a victim of the greed of the political elite.

Riots4
GSU personnel run after a mob

The fact of the matter is that the political elite is very comfortable in their homes. I drove by State House this morning and not only is the road clean and uncluttered, there are flags all over presumably to celebrate the Kibaki victory. Unlike my hood where there is debris and ashes and broken glass and stones all over.

Riots5
A GSU office reloads with tear gas

Our politicians are not suffering. They have running water. Milk, eggs, bread, meat and even cake are delivered to their doorsteps.

Riots6
Reloading

It is me and you, my friends, who risk being beaten up by mobs and shot by the police as we look for milk and bread for us and our own.

Riots7
A GSU officer ready for anything

The political elite are enjoying cartoons and soap operas and football on their DSTV and GTV. It is only me and you who are watching KTN and K24 and Al Jazeera and NTV to see the carnage being visited on our country. (KBC is not a serious news station. They’ve been showing cartoons and comedy clips as the country disintegrates)

Riots8 
Fully reloaded the GSU set off after rowdy mobs

The political elite sleep soundly in the peace and quiet Kitusuru and Thigiri and Riverside. It is us unfortunates who have our sleep interrupted by screams and shouts and gunshots.

Riots9
The press in the thick of things

The political elite have access to fist class air tickets to fly out of the country. It is me and you who have nowhere to run to. If Somalis and Rwandas and Ugandans and Sudanese flee here, where o where are we to flee to?

Riots10 
Still reloading

And while our brothers and sisters and cousins and nephews and nieces are dying, pseudo-leaders wallowing in crass stupidity appear on TV to grandstand, blaming the chaos on each other.

Listen, nitwits. We are not interested in your grandstanding and finger pointing. We want solutions. Alfred Mutua, we have no time for your foolishness Kenyans are dying. We need all the help we can get to contain this situation. Accusing the international community of interference is nothing short of obtusely crass stupidity. This is not an episode of your half baked pesudo-thriller Cobra Squad! This is real life!!!

Riots11
The GSU at work

We’ve had enough of nonsense press statements from comfortable hotels and the State House lawn. Come and make those inane gestures from Kibera or Mukuru or Thika Road or Kangemi. I dare you. Come down like me and other Kenyans who have no security detail and do your grandstanding!

What Should Be Done?

  • Every politician and their offspring should have their visas canceled and should be denied new ones. Let you and your children experience the Kenya that you created! Let your children come back from the US and Australia and Canada and England and live with the consequences of what Mama and Papa created like the rest of us!
  • The grandstanding between the government and ODM should stop. We are not interested in your foolish finger pointing games. It is we, not you, who are suffering. Shut your mouths and give us solutions, not problems. The media (local and international) should give the ilk of Alfred Mutua a total blackout.
  • Kibaki and Odinga should visit the affected areas and make their statements for there. If they are so sure they are right then there should be no problem in facing your people.
  • PNU and ODM must negotiate without pre-conditions. This is no longer about you.
  • This is not merely a matter of getting peace. We need to treat the disease, as well as the symptoms. The disease is justice, or lack thereof. If we don’t sort out this root cause then the violence will just flare up again later.
  • Recounting the votes and re-checking the tallies I fear is no longer an option. It would seem that some form 16As have been conveniently stolen from the safe in which they were stored. Presumably ballot boxes are being stuffed with votes as we speak.

The ideal solution I would think, would be along the following

  • Kibaki and Odinga agree to a government of National Unity, with the former as president and the latter as vice president. The cabinet would then be split between PNU and ODM
  • In 6 or so months, fresh elections to be held
  • Neither Odinga nor Kibaki should offer themselves for election. They are even more polarizing than they were before. We need a completely new shift in governance. Those political fossils still in power need to go before they sink us all
  • The election should be overseen by an imported Electoral Commission. I would not trust the ECK to hit the water if it fell out of a boat
  • Usage should be made of all the TV footage and camera pictures. Neigbourhoods and communities should be called upon to identify the murderous and destructive fools that have been the instruments of destruction. They should be dealt with ruthlessly once identified.

As with most ideal solutions this one has a fatal flow. Neither Kibaki nor Odinga have demonstrated putting the welfare of the nation above their own.

What can we do?

Stop the fighting.

Go into your hood and talk to people. If you’re waiting for someone else to do it you’re part of the problem. You have youth groups and fellowships and estate committees and outreach programs and tuition groups. Go and talk to them. Go into the community and preach peace.

People in the slums do not have TV to watch the televised campaigns. The most powerful voice is yours. The people know you and they probably trust you so they’ll listen to you.

If I do that and you do that and the people you talk to do the same pretty soon we’ll have covered this country.

Stop the fighting. Why are we losing our lives while the elite, who don’t care, are comfortable?

Show them they no longer have power over us. Show them that they work for us, not us for them.

Show then their days of lording over us and using us as cannon fodder are over.

Stop the fighting.

Stop the fighting.

Stop the fighting.


What Really Happened, Part 2: Exodus

03

January

News

  • In a show of crass stupidity, Government Spokesman Alfred Mutua and Lands Minister Kivutha Kibwana release statements accusing the ODM of organizing and funding genocide. I am stunned at the foolishness of this gesture that can only further fan the flames and erode the remaining goodwill (if any)
  • 7 killed and dozens of houses burnt in Huruma and Dandora. There was a standoff between two rival gangs and skirmishes that lasted for hours
  • Jamhuri Park has been set up as a refugee center. My heart is heavy to report that there are refugees in Nairobi that are from Nairobi

AOB

I’ve been round a bit to check out what’s happening on the ground. Things are slowly creeping back to normal, in some sections of Nairobi though given tomorrow’s rally, or lack thereof, one wonders.

Exodus

In What Really Happened #1: Genesis, I outlined what I thought was the kindling for the situation we are in today. Here is the conclusion.

Tour1
Capital Center

Between the knowledge that they were unpopular all over the country and had polarized other communities against their own, and the irresistible taste of the trappings of power and wealth that come with incumbency, a decision was probably taken that the State House was to be retained at all costs.

Tour2
Main Entrance, Capital Center

It is here that I postulate something that might raise an eyebrow.

I do not believe that Mwai Kibaki intended to run again.

Tour5 
Milk Shelves Before Stocking

Yes, I don’t. Why? Because of the following

  • Kibaki did not seem to take the elections seriously until 2 months to the event
  • The decision to cobble together a new political party at the last hour, instead of using the already established NARC Kenya is unlikely to be grounded in wisdom
  • Much, if not all, of the campaigning was done by lieutenants for most of the year
  • Extremely strange liaisons developed at the 11th hour, which included
  • Former President Moi
  • KANU
  • The campaign was largely disjointed to the very end. Having affiliate parties field multiple candidates is an extremely poor strategic move

Tour6
Restocking Milk

However powerful forces around him convinced him that it was incumbent upon him to run again. And the more he thought about it the better it sounded. Which led to ludicrously absurd scenarios like

  • A sitting president attending the delegates conference of the Official Opposition, singing the infamous KANU party slogan KANU yajenga nchi (KANU builds the nation)
  • Said sitting president proudly and happily waving the finger salute of KANU
  • Said sitting president appealing passionately to opposition delegates to give him their votes
  • Sitting president breaking bread and proceeding to meet regulraly with his predecessor, Moi, the very man he humiliated in more ways than one, least of which was thinly veiled insults in his inauguration speech, sending his lieutenants to court and threatening to prosecute Moi himself

Tour3
Milk, milk everywhere

However,as I have said, after all the rallies and politicking, the reality began to show itself and the bitter truth was that it was unlikely to win the elections.

Tour10
Meat Shelves, almost bare

Contingencies were laid to improve the odds

  • Campaign consultants were imported (Never mind that ado that was made of ODM’s Dick Morris. On that note even today I have always been suspicious of ODM’s move in parading Dick Morris. The quintessential red herring if ever there was one)
  • Formidable state machinery was brought to bear. A cursory look at the movements of the campaign teams over the latter half of the year ought to make some interesting reading
  • Significant amounts of funds were injected into the campaign. The strategic targeting was questionable, but the sheer quantity was there. Idle banter with individuals in the know have led to the floating of figures to the tune of a couple of million. Per constituency.

Tour8
Skumawiki (kale) shelf, clean as a whistle

And just to make sure another set of contingencies were put in place

  • A good chunk of the sitting Electoral Commission’s commissioners were replaced with new ones. With the knowledge that one of the new commissioners is the President’s personal lawyer, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to divine the fact that they probably were loyal to the President.
  • The knee jerk reaction to replace the chairman as well was overturned at the last minute to give the commission the perception of independence. Kivuitu was largely trusted by both sides. Then, at any rate. However I’m inclined to think some form of hold was gotten over Kivuitu.
  • Days to the election the president swore in a new set of beaming judges

Tour9
Well stocked shoppers at the till

That last point in particular is why I am deeply skeptical that election petitions will be of any value. Asking judges appointed not a fortnight ago to expel their benefactor is about as useful as a chocolate teapot. It was not lost on many that a beaming Chief Justice and the ever smiling Attorney General were delighted guests at the inauguration. The old adage of a rooster appealing to the justice of a hungry crocodile comes to mind.

Tour12
South B Shopping Center

The final contingency was the one that was to be a last resort. This happens to be the one that has put as where we are today. It was not executed as envisaged due to a number of factors

  • Kenyans turned out to vote en masse. En masse
  • Instead of going home like good little boys and girl, Kenyans remained at the polling stations and watched the ballot boxes like hawks
  • The convenient inability of the ECK to procure ICT systems to have a live tally of results was overridden by the enthusiastic coverage and tallying of the TV, radio and press who kept the public fully appraised of the results
  • An assumption was made the Kenyans were somewhat gullible and liable to agree with anythng that sounded official. Boy was that a null hypothesis!

Tour13 
Vendor selling vegetables

The strategy was simple.

  • Stuff ballot boxes where possible. This largely proved impossible thanks to hawk eyed Kenyans at most polling stations. However it was executed at some constituencies where observers were denied access.
  • Through willing proxies like Nyachae (Nyanza), Kombo (Western) and Mwakwere (Coast), secure at least 25% of the vote in the provinces Kibaki was not going to win on his own (besides the inevitable Central and Eastern)
  • Move with speed to publish results of the opposition’s candidate’s presidential votes, while at the same time holding back the tally of the incumbent. It will not do to inflate the incumbent’s tally and turn up short. Or overshoot by several million.
  • At ECK headquarters, have a series of “technical issues” that result in incorrect figures being published of the incumbent’s totals. Invariably, these would be larger, through means like judicious addition of zeroes to totals  or surreptitious injection of the odd 20,000 votes. Inadvertent reduction of the opposition candidate’s totals would also not hurt. This would be courtesy of those ECK commissioners that so recently gained employment.

Tour17
Fully loaded handcart sets off

The last plan hinged on the fact that there were no hawk eyed Kenyans watching the national tallying. Ergo if action were to be taken, it would be taken there. Much has been made of the fact that the various observers were at times denied access to the tally room.

Tour18
Nakumatt Karen

The looks in the eyes of the likes of William Ruto and Charity Ngilu when totals they know to be 35,000 in some constituency were announced as 100,000 were truly priceless.

Tour19
Nakumatt Karen Entrance

The problem with the master plan was that the average Kenyan is not as naive and as gullible as the political elite like to think. Kenyans put two and two together and got not the 22 that the elite was expecting, but a resounding 4.

I knew what was coming the instant the paramilitary General Service Unit cleared the KICC of journalists and additional armed men arrived and sealed it off.

Tour20
The supermarket

The rest, as they say, is history. Kibaki was declared winner. Needless to say, the reaction came thick and fast

Breaking It Down

I was not the least bit surprised that things degenerated into violence.

Tour21
Maize flour sells like hotcakes

Think about it.

Much ado has ben made over the right to vote, and the empowerment of the voter. Kenyans were told that they had the power to shape their destiny and choose their leadership. And so they turned out in colossal numbers and they voted. They were told that they had a voice and that it would be listened to.

And when it came down to it their voice, the ballot was ignored. And so they had only one voice left — protest.

Tour22
Lengthy lines at the till

Make no mistake. I have ZERO support for destruction of property and shedding of blood. As a matter of fact if you threw stones or raised arms against your brother you should be dealt with ruthlessly.

It is extremely naive for PNU supporters to gloat over such a tainted victory. Because it is indeed a tainted victory. And if you support a tainted victory it would be the height of hypocrisy to object if for instance, Moi won in a similar manner.

I am stunned that Kibaki conveniently forgets the election petitions revolving around the 1992 and 1997 elections. My how the memory is selective!

Tour23 
The end is nigh!

Supporting this travesty because it favours someone you like is a dangerous and foolish precedent.

What we have lost, my friends, is our voice. The power of the ballot. The right to determine our leadership and our destiny. The very thing our forefathers risked their lives fighting for.

So if you are celebrating because Kibaki ‘won’ or you are bitter becauase Raila ‘lost’ my friends you need to wake up and smell the coffee.

You need to be better because your voice has been stolen from you.


What Really Happened, Part I: Genesis

01

January

News On The Ground

  • A church with 200 sheltering people in Eldoret torched with the people still in it. Not many were able to flee
  • The monument Nicholas Biwott built for his mother has been torched. So has his mother’s house
  • The Central Business district apparently is a no go zone
  • Government Spokesman and Information Permanent Secretary falling over themselves to describe precisely what a ban of live transmissions means.
  • A armed mob of thousands was marching towards Burnt Forest a few hours ago
  • It is impossible to find Safaricom airtime.

Commentary

I have received hundreds of text messages, emails and comments, and have participated in several conversations about these elections. A good chunk of them are extremely bitter about the events of the past 48 hours. There are a few that are pleased with the results.

I would just like to make one thing very clear. If you are happy purely because Kibaki won, or your are angry purely because Raila lost, my friends your myopia will cost you a lot more than you think.

Why? This is going to be a long and controversial post so grab some coffee and settle down. I’ve posted some more pictures that I took yesterday of the aftermath of the unrest in my hood.

Disclaimer: These are just my thoughts, and not to be taken as gospel truth

Genesis Of A Problem

The problem (the nature of which I will get to last) began almost 5 years ago, in the hastily cobbled together amalgamation of political parties of NAK and LDP that was called the National Rainbow coalition. Analysis of the voting patterns showed a country that was solidly united behind what they believed to be the path to a change of destiny. Raila Odinga went to Central Kenya and was wildly cheered, more than most of the Central Province leaders. Kibaki went to Nyanza and was wildly cheered. People by and large ignored tribe and voted for change.

 After23 
Estate gate broken by the mob

Cracks immerged shortly after the new cabinet was named. The LDP felt that they had been shortchanged, in contravention of a pre-election memorandum of understanding, the infamous MOU.

Now much hubbub was made over  the MOU. People loudly wondered what the contents were. People contended that such documents made behind closed doors and out of the public eye were not binding. Such sentiments, in my opinion, are the height of naiveté. The fact of the matter is that in politics lobbying and dealing are a part of the game. These things are done well in advance in privacy away from you and me. They are done EVERYWHERE and not just Kenya. It is naive to presume that you have a say in the distribution of cabinet positions. You have none. Get used to it.

But I digress.

After24 
Security tried to lock the gate but it was just broken

The LDP felt strongly that it had been shortchanged on two fronts: consultation in the naming of the cabinet and in the number of seats allocated to them. They actually held a press conference to protest the developments. The public was largely hostile to these attempts to besmirch their rosy eyed view of Canaan.

The LDP may have kept quiet subsequently but they did not forget what they perceived to be a betrayal.

The second problem was entirely of the incoming President’s making. Upon being sworn in he sacked large numbers of civil servants who happened to be principally from the Rift Valley. Many were dispossessed of benefits like cheap housing. Many were threatened with court, and a good number were charged in court. Ministers like Kiraitu Murungi very arrogantly demanded the President Moi go to herd goats and watch how government was run.

This very fact I believe is what cost Kibaki support in the Rift Valley. The people were not about to forget what they felt were injustices done to their sons and daughters. Things were not helped by the last minute marriage of convenience between Moi and Kibaki. The people of the Rift were even more resentful of what they perceived to be a turncoat. People vividly recall the indignities Moi was subjected to on his exit, and the only way that he and Kibaki could be reading from the same script was if Moi had been promised something that he was not about to share with them.

After25

The third problem begins with the fact that it was perceived that a disproportionate percentage of the Cabinet was from Central and Eastern Kenya, principally the Kikuyu and the Meru. A similar situation seemed to present itself in senior civil servant positions, where it was felt a disproportionately large number of the numbers were from a single region. If you recall there were email forwards enumerating senior positions staffed by members from a single part of Kenya. The Government hastily prepared another one listing positions staffed by people from other communities but it is always about perception. The fact of the matter that percentages based on regions favour one section of Kenya.

This led to the birth of the notorious term, “Mount Kenya Mafia”, who were perceived to be in control of the affairs of the country. Kibaki then, and still projects a hands off approach that verges on lethargy. This very perception of apathy actively cultivated the notion that there were a few friends and associates of Kibaki that were actually running the country, and not him.

After26
Burnt watchman’s booth

This is the source of the infamous sentiment “It is not Kibaki. Kibaki is a good man. Its those around him that are the problem”.

A sentiment,I’m afraid, that does not wash because you can delegate duties but not responsibilities.

Bitter complaints rose from cabinet ministers protesting being denied access to the president.

The fourth problem was the sheer arrogance with which some Cabinet ministers conducted themselves. Top of the list were ministers like Christopher Murungaru, Kiraitu Murungi, John Michuki whose pronouncements on and off the camera raised the ire of the public, especially during the ill fated referendum campaigns.

After27
This house was broken into and completely looted

The fifth problem revolved around the corruption scandals that plagued the Kibaki administration, and what, it was perceived, was its subsequent cover up. Ministers who were forced out of office by the allegations somehow ended up back in their posts.

Chickens Come Home To Roost

These taken together sowed the seeds of perception last seen in the Kenyatta area … that of one community taking very good care of itself and its interests.

Like I’ve said before, perceptions are everything. And perceptions at the top, whether valid or not, eventually trickle down to the bottom. And unfortunately what trickled down to the bottom was the perception that some communities were more equal than others, and were benefiting at the expense of others.

After28
This house had both its cars burnt

And perceptions trigger action. If you are from Central Kenya, especially if you are Kikuyu, you must have over the past couple of years experienced increasing discomfort at the sentiments coming from other people. What used to be tongue in cheek jokes about the “Mount Kenya Mafia” degenerated into snide comments about “You Kikuyus” and today, as we are unfortunately seeing, violence.

Being in such a situation leads to discomfort and ultimately to fear.

The nabobs, drunk with power and opulence were blissfully unaware of the ugly perceptions they had created and propagated. One thing this government has consistently been is totally out of touch with the situation at the grassroots. Every time they have failed to read the mood of the people, as referendum and parliamentary results have demonstrated.

After29
This house’s tenants threw out mobiles and money to plead with the mob not to enter

I believe that the situation of what they had created sunk home in the last 2 months of the year. Even with the formidable state resources the crowds that they were able to draw were dwarfed by those of the ODM, that seems to be the party for the “rest of the people”.

The numerous polls conducted by various bodies, whose results were at first rubbished, consistently begun to paint the grim picture that finally got the attention of the players in power — they were nowhere near being as popular as they fondly believed they were.

The numbers from several polls by several companies consistently showed that the ODM would trounce them nationally as well as in all areas but Central and perhaps Eastern (that could have gone to Kalonzo).

It is then that the grim reality sank in that they were unlikely to win these elections, and real fear began to emerge. Suddenly two and two clicked together. Suddenly the rationale behind the snide comments, unflattering forwards and hostile receptions became clear. They had created a situation where they had completely polarized the country against them, and their communities were guilty by association.

Having created an ugly perception that they were the ones in power, how would the others react if they got that power? How would the monster they had created react?

Or could they have been afraid of the embarassment, the shame of being so unanimously rejected by the electorate? Were they scared silly of the thought of an incumbent president being ejected after a single term?

I believe that one, or both of the above were the basis of a decision that was taken towards the close of the year whose effects we are feeling today. What a few at the pinnacles of power have succeeded at creating is a situation where the poor man on the ground is guilty by association.

What Really Happened #2: Exodus will be posted as soon as I write it. PNU & ODM guys you can get my thoughts about exactly what happened these elections and why it happened.

AOB: If you can’t access my contact form email me your news/feelings/thoughts on roomthinker - at - yahoo - dot - com


Elections Aftermath

01

January

Thanks to all of those checking into the welfare of myself and Ory. We’re OK.

For some reason shortly after my post I was unable to access any websites at all. I like to think that it was a purely technical hitch, which persisted all day. I’m now blogging from another connection.

News

  • 140 people reported dead as per police estimates. Which means actual numbers are probably larger
  • City Mortuary ringed by heavily armed guards, presumably to contain details of numbers of dead
  • Government spokesman claims violence is in “one or two places”. Dr. Mutua, I think you need glasses and a hearing aid
  • SMS messages threatening prosecution for forwarding some messages beginning to trickle in
  • Government bans ODM rally scheduled for Thursday
  • Nairobi Women’s hospital reports sharply increased incidences of rape, gang rape and sodomy based purely on numbers of people that have accessed their services. Considering the public transport system has ground to a halt I shudder at the thought of the actual numbers on the ground
  • Kisumu and Mombasa have all but ground to a halt.
  • Kibera has been cordoned off, as of yesterday afternoon. No going in or out.
  • Mwai Kibaki’s New Year’s address goes out of its way to stress the elections were free and fair.
  • Raila Odinga refuses to negotiate with Kibaki unless Kibaki concedes that he indeed lost the elections

The Morning After

My hood, South B, is right next to the Mukuru slums. As you can well imagine I have had ringside seats to the action. Stones have been thrown at me, my neigbourhood shops have been looted and torched, houses were broken into and looted and cars have been set on fire. Armed police have been patrolling ever since the 30th and we have been operating with our lights off. Sporadic gunfire, sounding suspiciously like machine gun fire peppers the night.

Mercifully the only damage I have suffered is a few broken windows.

I managed to get some pictures of the aftermath. I dare anyone to hold back their tears after meeting face to face people who have lost everything because of the selfishness of a few.

After30

After1

After3

After4

The above shots are from where two kiosks and adjacent homes owned by friends of mine were looted and burnt

After5

Proprietors review their looted salon

After6

This man ponders what to do after his livelihood is reduced to rubble

After7

Debris strewn after the rowdy mob passed through

After8

This shop was completely gutted

After9

Remnants of the rioter’s roadblock

After10

These shops were broken into and looted

After13

Some businessmen flee

After15

Police on patrol in their chopper

After16

Remains of a gutted house

After17

This shop was broken into and looted

After18

Another shop that suffered the same fate

Depressing does not begin to describe this. Will post more pics later with a response to all those Pro PNU and Pro ODM messages/emails from people who have no clue exactly what happened on the 30th and exactly what we have lost.

 


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