Disclaimer. Fiction. Any relation between the characters below and real people is a pure coincidence.
Katumani 1: (Singing) PARAPANDA ZINALIA, PARAPANDA…
Ganja 1: Ay. Stop that. And btw get out of my bathroom. Why are you always here? You were given a whole building for your offices in town!
Katumani 1: Usikuwe hivyo! *Sniff*
Ganja 1: Alright, alright. Enough with the waterworks. Can we call this meeting to order.
Rotich: I have some concerns over this budget. We are overstretched. And this proposal to tax unga…
Kimemia: What is “unga”?
Katumani 1: Ha ha!
Kimemia: You Ponyoka Na Millioni be quiet. Don’t think I have forgotten about your jet!
Katumani 1: *Sniff*
Ganja 1: (Angrily) Now look what you’ve done! Remember when you guys have gone he’ll be here sobbing into my cushions!
Mac10: Now, about these laptops …
Ganja 1: I hear there are some laptops called Uhuru. By name alone they must be good ….
Amina: Some people here keep staring at me. It’s flattering, yes, but It’s undiplomatic
Kambi: Yes. It is a labour of love. Ha ha!
Macharia: Ha ha!
Amina: What are you laughing at? You think a stethoscope is something you find on a submarine!
Kamau: Thank God I am organized, focused, and I think big. To reduce congestion on our roads I am proposing Kenyans stop driving and start using light aircraft
Ganja 1: BTW Wario, while I admire your commitment to your duty, I’m not sure it is in order for the Sports Cabinet Secretary to attend our meeting in P.E. kit
Omamo: Nice legs, btw
Ngilu: Ha ha!
Wario: What are some people’s qualifications, over and above 40 words per minute?
Balala: (Looking into a pocket mirror) Manze, mimi ni fine-thank-you!
Ganja 1: Please. Let us all re-iterate our commitment. Btw, I love saying the word commitment. Let me say it again. Commitment.
Katumani 1: (Singing) “… I suffered all these years, and shed so many tears …”
Ganja 1: Please, let us put away our iPhones and stop singing 2Pac
Rotich: There is also this item of 100 million on Ruto’s house …
Katumani 1: Mwanaume ni effort manze. There’s a gym there. People need to exercise their biceps, triceps, quardriceps …
Amina: and tear ducts….
Ganja 1: (Hastily) Cmon now! Not cool. She didn’t mean that
Adan: I wish I was defence secretary. Have you seen my Angry Birds scores?
Ganja 1: I expect everyone to affirm their commitment to their responsibilities. Kusema na ku …
Katumani 1: TENDER!
Balala: BTW, there is this musician, Redsan. Can you clear the air whether he is Kenyan or Jamaican, Amina
Amina:Well, South B is just north of Kingston so I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions
Chirchir: Oga-o ma sista-o!
Amina: Is that an attempt to mock me?
Kandie: Some people say. Others do. Chine-du!
Omamo: Oh! NOW you find your voice!
Adan: The fisheries minister has fish fingers in his coat pockets …
Kosgey: I cannot imagine how they got there *nom nom nom*
Ganja 1: Seriously guys. My commitment to affirmation is solid. I mean affirmation to commitment. This teachers thing … our children are suffering!
Kimemia: What are children? And what is suffering?
Mac10: Teachers can teach with laptops. After all, they all have laps.
Ganja 1: Has anyone seen my frequent flyer miles? (Checks pockets) I must have left it in my other suit.
Katumani 1: (Emerging) BTW there’s some graffiti in there. LOL
Omamo: You know, you’re not actually supposed to say “LOL”
Katumani 1: But I see it all the time on Twitter. That and *Crying*
Amina: Yup. You’ve seen a lot of that all right.
Katumani 1: Ay! What does that mean?
Ganja 1: (Hastily) Ok! What does the graffiti say?
If State House was the Vatican, we’d be on our eleventh Pope since March